Increasingly aware of the 24-hour limit to days

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Galeheart
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25 Dec 2018, 3:57 pm

I've been working my first retail job for a few months now, and because it's a sort of trendy health food store, a lot of the people who work there are at least 30 degrees more attractive than your average retail worker. I've also been single for a little more than a year, so those two things combined have had me thinking about relationships a lot recently.

The conclusion I keep coming to is that despite wanting that sort of connection, there is nothing I'm willing to sacrifice to make room for it. I spend 8 hours at work, 8 hours sleeping, 6 or so hours on my art, and the two remaining hours for upkeep (eating, cleaning, etc.). The more I've talked to the people I'm working with, the more I've come to understand that the time I use to work on my art is time that they use to spend with their partners and watch Tv shows, though I'd guess those often occur together.

The only solution I can figure is that I need to get rich enough young enough that I can decrease my daily working hours and make room for another person, though I can already smell the conflict about how I spend my time bubbling to the surface.

It seems normal to the point of being expected for a young man like me to focus on career success (money) first, and a life partner second. Then I'll have "made it." Right? Yet all I see looking forward is many hours spent on the things that drive me, to the detriment of anyone who might want to get close to me, and to the detriment of my own romantic interests. But maybe that's exactly the sacrifice necessary for me to accomplish all I want to do. I'm not sure. That's why I'm posting this mess here and welcoming anyone to share their thoughts or experiences or what have you on this sort of internal conflict. I'm really quite interested in how others approach this.



HighLlama
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25 Dec 2018, 4:18 pm

I think it can be very hard, without the right partner. I've had some relationships with emotional vampires, and they definitely got in the way of my creative/alone time. I have a relationship now with an amazing person, but I'm starting to see how burned out I get even with someone who's not actively trying to burn me out. She is very understanding, but also more social. I should also state that I work with people, so this itself can be very taxing. I need the creative/alone time and it's not wise to change careers too easily, since I've had my job longer than the relationship, so for me the relationship (unfortunately) is the weak link. The free time is precious, and the pressures of adulthood are also more taxing than when I was 8 or 18. But, that's me, and what I can cope with.

I often feel I'm a huge disappointment to people when they get to see my needs, and see a more complete picture of me. They enjoy the funny affable side, but the real person is too human for them. I can't blame them--they don't owe me anything--but it's very frustrating, since they expect me to understand their feelings so well. It's like I have to feel their pain while drowning in mine. For me, at least, solitude with the right amount of social contact seems preferable. But, I'll always wonder about that other life, even though I must accept my own limitations.



Galeheart
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25 Dec 2018, 4:47 pm

HighLlama wrote:
I think it can be very hard, without the right partner. I've had some relationships with emotional vampires, and they definitely got in the way of my creative/alone time. I have a relationship now with an amazing person, but I'm starting to see how burned out I get even with someone who's not actively trying to burn me out. She is very understanding, but also more social. I should also state that I work with people, so this itself can be very taxing. I need the creative/alone time and it's not wise to change careers too easily, since I've had my job longer than the relationship, so for me the relationship (unfortunately) is the weak link. The free time is precious, and the pressures of adulthood are also more taxing than when I was 8 or 18. But, that's me, and what I can cope with.

Burning out with even an understanding partner is certainly one of the concerns I hold. I mean hell, even my friendships suffer, because after a day of interacting with people, all I want is solitude so that I can do it again the next day.

HighLlama wrote:
I often feel I'm a huge disappointment to people when they get to see my needs, and see a more complete picture of me. They enjoy the funny affable side, but the real person is too human for them. I can't blame them--they don't owe me anything--but it's very frustrating, since they expect me to understand their feelings so well. It's like I have to feel their pain while drowning in mine. For me, at least, solitude with the right amount of social contact seems preferable. But, I'll always wonder about that other life, even though I must accept my own limitations.

I feel you. A hundred percent. That feeling of being a disappointment compounded for me when the person I was explaining it to just didn't get it, and so she didn't really have any grounds on which to refute it, other than caring for me and not wanting to see me hurt. But if my needs go misunderstood, unheard, or outright rejected, it just makes it harder for me to give my all in understanding their needs the next time they need to be listened to. You know? You said it better.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Dec 2018, 5:05 pm

How about less art time? A hobby shouldn't take that much of your day, unless you turn it lucrative.



Prometheus18
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25 Dec 2018, 5:08 pm

I think most people can function on between four to six hours' sleep. Other than that and by emphasising the importance of weekends, when you're presumably not at work, I can't help you. I'd certainly rather do the things I truly love (maths, physics, philosophy and languages) than be in a romantic relationship, however, but maybe your priorities are different.

You've given me some food for thought about how potentially undesirable having a full time job is, however, so thanks for that.



cberg
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25 Dec 2018, 5:18 pm

I have very little energy for anything but work. I test & advise on software design for a multinational corporation and it leaves almost no energy for other things. If I'm not working, I'm usually hacking something so I can see why women would see no room in my life for them. That's not the case, but I can understand how I'm perceived.

I still need to make some changes because this gets lonely.


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