being told i’m stubborn or defiant if i don’t understand

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Hi, anyone else get told they’re being defiant or stubborn or manipulative if they don’t understand something an NT says?
I’m pretty smart and mask well so people think I’m very capable in many situations. So when I don’t understand something they think is clear and simple they can’t believe I don’t understand it and assume I’m lying about not understanding. I’ve heard a lot over the years that I’m not trying hard to enough to understand, or I’m trying not to understand on purpose because I’m being defiant or manipulative. This is so frustrating to me when people can’t seem to believe I just don’t “get it” sometimes.
Just wondering how people have coped with NTs doing that, and is it different whether the NT knows you’re autistic or not.

There've been a couple of times at work where I've asked a question, trying to understand something, and been accused of being facetious. I'm guessing it was such an obvious question they thought I was being sarcastic?

i dated a guy who used to tell me these things.

i apparently people said this a lot about me as a child, but i don't remember; my parents told me.