Tried to reach out but it doesn't seem to phase them

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Recently, my aunt had a massive stroke and has passed away. Even though I am not on good terms with a few former friends, I felt it would be appropriate to tell them of her passing, that they got to know her and she made a great effort for them. In fact, she spent a lot of money on them. Yet I got the cold shoulder when I tried

Some examples
1. She took both of these friends on vacation with us twice in a row each
2. She went to the wedding of one of them who got married 9 years ago
3. She also bought a lot of clothes for that ex-friend who eventually got married when our friendship first began

Basically, I tried calling one of them who lives at home with her parents because they are too overly protective of her. Though her mom can't stand me, she was extremely rude and cold on the phone. She was also fake. "I'm sorry, she was a good influence in your life. Bye." Neither one of these ex-friends has bothered to reach out. I am not expecting for to be friends again but it would be nice to know they care.

I want to know what the unwritten rule is here? Did I do anything wrong?

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 23 Feb 2019, 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

These people probably thought they didn't have to be nice or express genuine condolences because you guys are not on good terms. Or maybe they have just moved on with their life and aren't interested in engaging with you.

Whatever the reason, these people should've been able to temporarily set aside their feelings towards you to express their sympathy for your situation.

Well I mean if you aren't on good terms with either of these friends, and haven't had contact with them in quite a while....what did you expect?

I hate to say it but people can be jerks, then again not sure what happened to put you on bad terms with those friends...if they're just jerks or you did something to them. Either way generally if a friendship ends on bad terms its best just left alone. I mean why would they want to hear from their ex friend they are not on good terms with.

Also even if your aunt did do those things for your friends while you were on good terms, it doesn't mean they feel indebted to her or even care that she's not around....who knows if they ever felt close to her enough to be concerned about her passing. I certainly would not beat yourself up about it, the ex friends probably just don't want to talk to you regardless of the reason. It wasn't wrong to try to reach out but, its not unusual that they weren't receptive.

When it comes to death many people are at a loss of words as to what to say. So normally they will say something like "I am sorry for your loss." Sometimes they may add "How are you holding up?"

Edited with an update


I am mad at them for not being more sympathetic like that and not because I want us to be friends again, rather, I would love for all of us to celebrate her life and maybe just make peace.

I did write to them and let them know that I asked if there was a reason why did could not have been sympathetic and asked that they apologize to me while giving them my phone number.

1. My ex-friend who is married just ghosted me by either changing her email or blocking me altogether
2. The mother and daughter just ignored my email too.

I have decided that as hurt as I am, then they aren't worth it and that I just need to leave them alone. They appear to be very self-absorbed.

At the book Autism in Heels explains, females can easily start relationships but can't keep them going because they make huge mistakes that cause them to "blow up."

I love Jennifer O'Toole, she is very resourceful and full of knowledge when it comes to girls and women on the spectrum.

1. The one who got married is on the spectrum herself and made a lot of huge mistakes and I made a lot of huge mistakes.
2. The other one has disabilities that have caused her to be impulsive and not understand boundaries. She had a problem with getting too clingy with me and contacted me excessively.