Asked a guy out, waiting for rejection

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I asked out a guy I'm kind of crushing on a bit.

I asked him out for coffee. I think he'll say no, but I decided that I'll never know if I don't ask. I am obviously preparing for rejection. I hope he'll say yes, but if he doesn't that's okay and I'll get over it.


Anyway, my love life has been nonexistent recently.

I bet he’ll say Yes!

If he knew you like I know you—heck yeah he’ll say Yes!

I hope you see a movie afterwards.

Don't stew on it, stewing on 'what if's, and scenarios in your head where you question your self-worth makes rejections MUCH worse. But it's good that you at least took the initiative, eventually rejections will stop hurting and a callous forms.

Keep yourself occupied, don't stew on whether he will answer you or not, if he does, good, but if he doesn't, that's okay because you have things to do/take care of. KEEP MOVING, do not STEW in your head, I've been down that road. Do not stalk their social media profiles, do not 'look' when they've last been online, do not look if they're read your message or not, etc. Just move on with your day.

Do this enough times and rejections will feel like absolute nothing, it's extraordinarily liberating.

You're charming, kraftiekortie.

Thanks.

Haven't heard back yet, asked him through a text.


Honestly, the worst thing that can happen is that he says no. I'll be a bit bummed out, but whatever.

Also, not related to this thread, but: I am getting more excited everyday for the arrival of my new parrot, Andy. I'll pick him up from the breeder the 28th of March. I am very excited.

Update:

I got an answer. He said that as soon as our exams are over we can probably meet.


I'll see how it is in a month when all of the exams are over.

"Probably?" He doesn't sound very eager if you're using that word.

Typically if people really want to meet, they would find the time to do so. So prepare for the worst by keeping your sight ahead of you. You're not dating him yet so you should have a slew of potential suitors. So don't put your eggs all in one basket, explore your options. Don't live or die based upon this one person. If he contacts you again in one month, then he was genuine, imo, don't pursue him anymore. If he forgets about you, then that is his real answer.

That's my thought too. His answer was a soft "no." People who are interested generally don't put you off.

Depends on how stressing the exams are/

I had total focus on exams. Which is why I got really high marks.

He’s thinking that you made a “friendly” overture, I believe.

He might be downplaying the romantic aspect—just in case.

Even then - having a coffee a month later? Either he expects her having a boy friend or he isn't interested at all.
Beside of that many women on spectrum struggle a bit with signaling interest in a way that NT guys really get. They don't do eye contact (just as totally uninterested NT women), don't stroke the hair back, don't smile at the guy, don't get 'accidentally' in touch, don't try to stay near to him aso. Without that all this it could be that he doesn't expects her being interested.

Thank you for stating it so clearly! I think I have always totally missed this. Dating and stuff is a big mystery to me. I haven't understood how to use this kind of subtle signs. Or that I should even use them in the first place...

I've turned down offers from girls I was crushing on to go out. They seemed liked they were just interested in friendship, so I didn't go along.

If you don't make it clear to the guy you're interested in him he probably assumes you're not interested.

Believe me that NT women aren't as subtle once they try to cause a guy to approach them.
I already wrote a bit about this here: viewtopic.php?t=370438&start=60#p8178280

I'm a guy. In my (American) culture, it is typical for men to ask women out but not as common the other way around. He is probably quite thankful you asked first because he might even feel the same way but was still building up the courage to ask. It all depends on how well he knew you beforehand.

Though rejection does hurt, be prepared for the rejection but also be just as prepared if he does not reject you. Expecting rejection too much might actually turn him away.

It's not different in Europe. But in the end the women choice the men and show if they like or dislike somebody. If they like you most of them get 'accidental' in touch with you (mostly with the breasts while passing you) for getting your attention. I would prefere a smile on me a lot.