Embracing singleness

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I apologize if this is a reoccurring topic; I guess I'm just looking for a more direct answer.

I have trouble embacing singleness. That is because I hate giving up and quitting on something I've unsuccessfully tried for nearly 20 years - experiencing a relationship. I'm 33, have never dated.

Giving up would mean that my negative attributes will have won.

Maybe embracing singleness is good, I don't know. Maybe failure is good, I don't know.

I feel like I need to ask a question. How many girls have you asked out on a date?

I went on 2 dates in high school. They were with the same girl. I only went on a few dates in college. Basically, I was too shy. My romantic life after college was beginning to look bleak. But then I recognized a strange opportunity and I traveled to the other side of the world behind the Iron Curtain and met in person a girl I had been corresponding with for a year. After a few weeks I proposed to her using a language dictionary. She eventually accepted my proposal and we have been happily married for around 45 years now. The point here is THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE.

After college, I tried to find a job. I went to 200 interviews in person and mailed out another 300 resumes. All to no avail. But then an opportunity opened up quite out of the blue and I took it. I got the job and worked until I retired 40 years later. The point here is THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE.

So have you asked 500 girls out yet?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Faint heart never won fair lady.

My answer is 1. 7th grade. I thought I built it up well, she knew she liked me, slow danced with her at the Valentine's Day dance and even brought flowers. A week later She said no.

Her friends thought me asking her out was creepy (she was single, knew she liked me, and it didn't appear to me she scoffed at anything).

I guess ever since then I worry about my just-do-it "best shot" appearing to be "creepy." And knowing how news spreads like wildfire in female social circles.

I may not be a macho man, but I'm no Harvey Weinstein either.

I've always been of the opinion that you don't need a relationship to be happy. Yeah it might be nice to have the positive bits, but you'll also have to take some negative along with them, and you could also end up trapped in a bad relationship if you feel like you absolutely need to be in one at all costs. I don't think anyone can tell you that you have to embrace singleness either, but I think it might be worth focusing on the positives rather than the negatives. I haven't been in a relationship myself since I was a teenager, and while I do sometimes wish I could find someone who really gets me so to speak, I don't think that needs to come with romantic or physical attachments. I bring that up because I am only a couple years younger than you are and I hope knowing you're not alone helps some. If you have other positive relationships in your life like family and friends and can appreciate those, that might be all you need. Whatever happens though, I do hope things worn out for you.

There is nothing wrong with being single, if that is what you want.

Being able to be alone is a good attribute for anyone to have. Far to many of us wrap our self worth in being in relationships. So being able to be alone and be content with one's self is an important piece of self love and emotional maturity.

Now, you said "unsuccessfully tried for nearly 20 years" and then said you've only asked 1 girl out in 7th grade. That is not 'trying for 20 years', so what exactly have you been doing for you to be able to claim you've been trying?

Were you waiting for some woman to pop up and ask you? Where that are women that do that, generally many still don't. So it's not surprising that you could go a long time without being asked out by any shake. Additionally for those of us on the spectrum we may inadvertently give someone the impression we are not interested.

Middle school dating isn't a great reference. Kids are immature, many not ready for dating, and are more likely to be embarrassed over silly things. For instance, the girl might have wanted to say yes but if her friends thought were goofy or something she would likely decline to save face with her friends. That's just one possibility, there's certainly others. But the point there is, 7th grade dating isn't going to be like adulthood.

You just giving a shot may come out creepy, annoying or who knows what else to some, but that just shows they aren't people you'd really want to date anyway! Because someone else is going to find it nice, or even endearing. As a couple other's said, nothing can happen unless you swing the bat.