I want to be loved so desperately

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I recently spent a month in a mental hospital and I was so hopeful when I came out as it was a very good program, focusing on my trauma. I was excited to go back to school and to fall deeper in love with my boyfriend, but I started to slowly remember that it was not only my trauma, but the world that exhausted me as well... I became so tired and I grew more and more argumentative-- mostly about political subjects, focusing on what I believe matters for a perfect world--- and eventually, a little after two weeks after I got out of the hospital, my boyfriend decides that he does not want to be with me anymore...

I did not believe him at first... I thought he was just upset.... And for the past two weeks, I have been trying to get him to fall in love with me as he was so loving before I went to the hospital and while I was there... I guess he had hoped that the hospital would fix me... would make me less difficult to deal with... would decrease my meltdowns... It did not and now I feel worse than when I went to the hospital... I just want him to love me... I have been trying to be very loving, following and encouraging his interests as well as trying to balance mine... He is not autistic, only super ADHD... I have slept with a few times since we "broke up" and I thought that every time he slept with me that this meant he loved me again... but he does not... This morning, he told me that he was ready to move on from me... He slept with me two nights ago and told me he was falling for me... I just do not understand why he is being so cruel and why, if he can love me while I am happy, why can he not love me when I am sad or when I am having a meltdown...

I feel that I am unlovable, that nobody will ever love me long-term... This has happened so many times and I am exhausted... and I need help...

Sylvia, when people are horny often they will lie to get what they want.
Please don't go back to him.
You deserve better than that and you can absolutely find someone better.

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you can find somebody you are very compatible with.

Akigawa is right. Your best move, as hard as it must sound, is to find a better guy who'll love you for who you are and stick w/you through the hard times too. They're out there, it's just difficult and takes time to find them. But it's ultimately worth the effort.

I totally get the feeling that you'll never find someone who loves you, that's kinda the story of my (non-existent) love life. But as I said, it's worth the effort to find someone better. And in the meantime, you probably do need to do some work on yourself, including on your self-esteem, something I also have to do alot of work on.

Good luck!

Sylvia Ii sounds like your ex is using you for sex & has no interest in dealing with your more negative side. You deserve someone who will accept the whole you. It's different to have a partner who wants to help you mange your issues because he/she cares about you Or someone who accepts you with all your issues & doesn't wanna try & change you.

@SweetOnSylvia So what has happened since you posted this?

You and your boyfriend are both very young. You admit that you have been difficult to be with. I don't know how much control you have over that, but I can see how at his age I would also have had trouble dealing with a girlfriend who argued with me a lot, especially if it was recent behavior. I think it would take a certain degree of maturity to see past this and fully appreciate that you still love him. He probably doesn't have that level of maturity but someday he will.

It's not unusual for a woman to tell a man she loves him while treating him very harshly. I'm not saying this is true in your case, but it may seem that way to him.

Please try to avoid discussing politics! The world doesn't care whether you can convince him to accept your political beliefs or vice versa.

I recommend that you not leave him unless a.) he summarily dumps you and refuses to see you again or b.) you have good reason to believe he is cheating. I doubt either will happen. If he really did lose you for good, he would probably be very sorry. He may think he should leave you but probably doesn't really want to. He probably doesn't know what he really wants to do. Don't pressure him to make a "final" decision.

You should continue to reach out to him in the usual way and treat him as a friend. Don't demand that he confess his love for you, but make him aware of how happy it makes you to be with him. A man that age may often have to struggle to commit himself emotionally to love for a woman even when she's the right one for him, so make it "easy" for him to stay in the relationship. After all, he's still the person you fell in love with.