A Thought.

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I have had a half humourus "Oh dear" sort of thoughts... It is my sense of humour kicking in.

The more I have learnt about the spectrum, the more little things I can personally relate to. Am I just relating to these because I have had them occasionally in a mild form, or do they indicate that I might be on the spectrum? Who knows! I certainly don't.

And the humourous side? Well... I had this thought. "Oh no! The more I read and learn the more likely I am to be on the spectrum". Is it catching mentally as my mind kind of sympathises and can relate to aspects people have? Seriously. Can this happen? Would I be less likely to be on the spectrum had I not looked into any of it? I can't not look though. I would not be happy not learning. It would be cruel for me to know of something I latch onto with a fascination if I couldn't look into it further...

Anyone have any thoughts? Am I normal to have these thoughts?

Yes, I'd say such thoughts are normal. Whether it's identifying with traits because you are on the spectrum or a bit of confirmation bias, who knows? Either way, it's certainly normal. It's both a prime reason for caution against self-diagnosis and perhaps an impetus for seeking official diagnosis (if you're interested in that).

If autism is an interesting topic to you, explore it!

Sounds like you've got yourself a nasty case of "Imposter Syndrome". Don't worry, it's not permanent or fatal!

Nearly everyone gets it during the early stages of recognition, and sometimes even after diagnosis (it's been over 3 years since I was diagnosed, and it still niggles at me now and then.) Years of masking make it worse, I think, because you end up with two versions of yourself; "safe place version" with lots of autistic traits, and "someone's watching version" which has more "normal" behaviour - and people constantly tell you that the "someone's watching version" is the one that you should aspire to be, or even the one that you really are.

It's good to have a sense of humour.

I don't know about it being "catching". My sister always thought as was an "aspie" from being kids. At various points in my life I've gone through phases where I have certain that I am, and other times when I haven't been so sure. In summary, it is true that it has shaped my life and caused me a lot of unhappiness. But when I compare myself to NTs and their lives, on the whole, it has been a wonderful thing. I now see it has a positive thing and a source of self-affirmation.

I thank you all for your replies.
I am glad that it is not just me who thinks in this way! Generally I view my character in quite a positive way despite my flaws and my natural incline to avoid a social setting. Ok, the energy loss situations are rather restricting what I can do... Which is a horrible position to be in as it basically means I have no income or limited income.. Not that I need a lot to survive at the moment living with my mum.

I want to be assessed now! I am impatient! Umm. Patience...... Ok. I will have to wait.

Many of you now have read some of my replies and my questions... Do I come across as NT or as Autistic?
Haha. I can just see you all placing bets!

My personal opinion is that you seem to have many traits which are not neuro-typical, and that your unique (and often delightfully humorous) way of describing them shows that they are genuine, not affectations.

Whether they're due to autism or some other source, or whether they meet the diagnostic criteria for autism closely enough for that diagnosis, are something that only a professional can determine - but FWIW, I'd be quite surprised if an assessment found nothing at all remarkable. Whatever the case, you're just as welcome here, and I hope you stick around!

Thank you Trog. I want to stick around.

The same is true with me. I have numerous personality traits that are common with level one autism, without the executive function issues. And yes, confirmation bias can be a big problem.

I see myself in many of the people who post here. They have helped me identify who I am and what I need to do. But, be careful. When we try to change a lifetime of behavior our lives can be disrupted. Seeing the world through different eyes has made me even more avoidant. Improving my communication skills is exhausting. Learning to use my face and body to express myself causes a good bit of confusion.

Getting a diagnosis is helpful for many, even if it is just to rule it out and find a new path. Personally, I am afraid to expose myself to a shrink and I am distrustful of them. My parents were mental health professionals.

I wish you luck.

You must have interesting parents.. Haha. And you know them too well. Children of parents sometimes know more about their parents then parents do of themselves.
I habe a brother who is 18 years younger then I am and he said he can tell me in a croud of people walking by the way I walk... I didn't know I was that different at walking. How many ways can people walk anyway? Left foot and right foot.... Or right foot and left foot. I better not think about it or I will be confused and try to work it out! Haha! Good job I only have two legs and I am not a centipede or a millipede... How do they cope in working out which leg goes first?