I hate my father

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He is the reason of my existence. He has a mix of terrible genes and i got his terrible genes too. He is the reason of my problems. I have 50 more years but i doubt if i can live anymore with depression and disorders

That's not a reason to hate him. He's not responsible for his own genetic makeup either. What's he like as a person? That's what counts.

With appropriate medication and proper monitoring / management by a medical professional, there's no reason you can't live as normally as possible. There are so many great resources in today's world which we "older" folks didn't have when we were growing up.

My mother's undiagnosed, but finally considering (at age 70+). She was very damaged and did damage to me. It took me until age 40 to significantly separate myself from her. I've written elsewhere that I had a really rough go of it at your age ---- I read that many Aspie's do. Please be gentle with yourself, get help and hang in there.

This guy shouldnt reproduce. he doesnt have the right to ruin my life. i want to punch him in the face. really annoying. i cant undo the mistake that he did. now im stuck in this world for 50+ years with his awful genes

It's so strange to me that people think they can parent without any education in child development. I knew my family life sucked it (and my husband's too), so we took multiple parenting classes before having children. That just makes sense. Why I'm in the minority in that, I can't figure out.

I suspect "I feel angry at" would fit better than "I hate" in this context.
It's so hard to live with an anger you can't express because of social conventions.

I used to hate my parents for bringing me in this world. I also sometimes wonder if I’m slow because of my dads genes. I’m not religious but I do think this is because of god or a god. I think I’m meant to suffer here. I think there’s a reason for it. Maybe what I did in a past life.

"I blame ________ for all of my problems" seems closer to the truth.

Fnord, hard to know for me. I definitely relate to this outward rage (and I am too aware we all have a part). To stereotype (externalizing) perhaps that's true for most men. But to stereotype (internalizing) it's a relief for many women to put the "blame" out there. My abusive parent convinced me that I was to blame for everything (even her mistakes that had NOTHING to do with me) and I crave the ability to blame that parent. But of course I am afraid to. The difference is that I generally like myself, so I would never blame my parents for my genes (not their choice), but I am angry/sad that rather the cycle of abuse continued. It stopped 20% with my parents and I hope it'll stop another 40% with me. (It wasn't at 100% to start so math here won't yield an absolute value of what's leftover.)

Highly Autistic, I was thinking about what you said. Given your board alias, I assume you have significant disabilities or hardships. Given your comment, I assume you do not have reasonable support for these. I'm sorry for that. As all of us, I have seen folks who are well taken care of and those who are not - even in "normal" relationships.

My thought is this: I strive to be more like the parent we wish we had. I had difficulty having children and I had to make a really hard choice re: biological children. The geneticist pointed out the high rate of mental illness and suicide in my family. I have two children, and it pains me to see some of the struggles that I am familiar with for myself (communication, self esteem) but I know I made a commitment to them to give them the tools, to get them the resources to get through it --- so they can enjoy the ease and joy they have also. I made parenting my special interest. That said, my BFF (aspie traits) chose not to have children. She figured her genetics would stop with her. It's not her temperament to be bitter (she leaves that to me), so her choice was thoughtful and reasonable.

Thinking of you. Wishing you well in your 50+ years. Really. Now that I am in the swing of Life, I'm hoping for another 40 myself. Time will tell.

You're not alone (although probably in a minority indeed). I've been terrified for decades of the idea of having kids for similar reasons. After a lot of things changed for me and I started contemplating it from a better place, I studied beforehand harder than I did for my diploma!

Interesting enough, my best friend also decided not to have children for fear of "passing on" some of the general poison in her family... An abusive parent destroys so much more than just their child

I'm sorry, but that is a horrible way to think. I don't believe in anything at all. Especially not fate. That's part of what gives me drive, and agency to change my life. Why leave your fate to some belief that you are cursed to live that way? And even IF. Even if you were, why not fight it? This is your life. You will only live it once. You should make the most of it. To a degree, life is what you make it to be. There are things that are out of our control, sure. But there is so much that we CAN do.

It's okay to curse your genes here and there, but don't let something like that rule you. Afterall, 40% of who we are is our genes. The other 60% isn't influenced by them.

I hate my mother too

Hate devastates only the hater.

Maybe a visit to your psychiatrist will help you get balanced? Perhaps it's the depression speaking.

My sister did so much damage to me, I wish I can separate myself from my sister.