Accepting anxiety as a feature of being a woman with ASD

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Accepting anxiety... I'm posting it here due to the way the world is for women on the spectrum.
I'm likely to always have anxiety. Whatever notions I had about being free of it are dissolving into reality.

There are threats everywhere, based on my experiences these are unfortunately realistic threats, even if the world categories them as irrational fears. I know from experience that the world is wrong on this one, for me anyways.

It's just that sometimes I really need a break from it and a break from doing all the constantly sensible things that I have to do to stay afloat and not drown in the symptoms. Or worse still have prolonged untreated anxiety lead to a deep depression.
As I said I'm doing all the things that one should do (self care, medication, therapy), it's hard to stay motivated when looking forward to a lifetime of doing this.
So how to accept an innate anxiousness, exasperated by environmental factors and triggered by how the world is, not how it should be?
As always, all responses welcome, just struggling with this a bit.

No idea really, I just always try to push through since so far it's the only thing that I can do.

This is an interesting topic Amity.

My view is that anxiety in AS people (in a nutshell) stems from the (unacknowledged) impacts of trauma of living in an NT dominated culture. I think all AS people are/have been traumatised by this - at school, at work, in "social life", in daily life. There is so much of it and it is so constant that there can be few if any AS people who are not experiencing discrimination of some kind on a continual basis from childhood.

As many of us are bullied at school, at work, and some of us bullied at home, we learn at an early age that the world is and feels unsafe. We learn that it can be dangerous to relax and let down our self-protective barriers. We learn to fear rejection, and/or abuse, and/or exclusion. I've always seen great strength and empathy in you, though that doesn't always protect us from the slings and arrows of invalidation and discriminatory treatment.

You give a lot of support to others and maybe its time for you to receive some back. You certainly deserve it.

And that's trauma.

What are the impacts of lifelong trauma? Anxiety of course, but a lifetime of traumatising invalidation can lead to much darker places and options. This is why support centres like WP are so very important, and supportive members like yourself which are its greatest strengths.

Psychologists know the impact of trauma generally but tend to ignore continual AS experience of it. That is a loud silence on their part, and yet even if they acknowledged and addressed the problem, the solution is not in their hands, because only a culture shift of understanding, acceptance and appreciation of AS value will lessen the burden of the lifelong trauma that AS people endure.

As individuals, some of us are more resilient than others, fight back harder, but none of us are immune.

I experience a lot of anxiety and sometimes it is such a background to my life I don't realize that it is going on. I have to rest a lot. I live in the woods so I don't have to interact with people much. Sometimes it is a matter of just pushing through, like fire blossom said.

I can sometimes practice being with the anxiety, dancing with it so to speak, and discovering it has no intrinsic power. Not that it doesn't rob me of a lot of pleasure, not that living with it doesn't exhaust me, but just let it be. With practice, I have been able to reduce it some.

You too are a star supporter of others on Wrong Planet. I hope you will receive this back in spades.

Thank you, B19. It is good to see you posting again.

Had already accepted anxiety as a part of human condition as much as autism does.

... Speaking as an female aspie who doesn't deal with anxiety (subtle or not) for the majority of her current life.

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This rings true for me. What we resist persists. Express and release.

I am a hypersensitive person. With all five to six (or more) senses. I spent decades suppressing and hiding (from myself) my feelings and concerns and it led to self-harm and depression. I think in acknowledging my concerns, validating my feelings for myself, I can experience relief and calm.

Interestingly my NT dad also has significant anxiety and is hypersensitive. I sent him an article about level of anxiety correlating directly to level of intelligence. Sometimes a person is aware of, knows or has experienced a lot - and is justifiably anxious. So back to when to act, when let go --- I joke: when to medicate, when to meditate.

In the past: I remember very clearly when I got scared as a child, I got the message that I was unreasonable, foolish, over dramatic, etc. What developed was Anxiety -> fear -> embarrassment -> suppression -> depression

In the present: I get to believe in myself, consider what's in my control and what isn't. What I want to develop is Anxiety -> acknowledgement -> act or let go -> calm

The act or let go is tricky because it's the wisdom part, and I allow that I won't KNOW and give it a go in any case.

Looking at your profile pic, looking at mine... I think we're ready to accept.

Magz, I cant quote atm.

They were my exact thoughts at the time.
I wasnt masking, I was being 100% me and he had no experience with women in the spectrum.

So for example he misinterpreted stating facts (I blamed my social blindness for a few incidents) as a sign of disliking myself, directness as surely meaning something else and my being understated or simply not dramatic as an indicator that it wasnt as serious as it was.
Basically typical language meets Aspergerese.

We disagreed on empathy too, he took my ability to feel this quite deeply as a sign that I was surely misdiagnosed. Lol. That one was fun.

At the time I had urgent issues I needed support with, so I figured if he showed promise regarding his lack of knowledge, then when the crisis had passed I would consider if I wanted to continue based on how he improved.

He improved, swotted up about female autism and was receptive to being wrong on certain things.
I can work with someone like that. Getting a PTSD and ASD therapist in one is rare and likely a good distance away and outside my price range, that's if they even exist...
It's the trauma that I had buried deeply, that came to the surface and forced me to seek help, a regular therapist wouldn't have worked, I needed someone experienced that knew what they were doing on the trauma front.

the statement is correct

however, some neurotypical men also have anxiety disorders