Aspergers and BPD relationships?

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The only guys I get talking to and have mutual interest with each other seem to be guys with BPD. Then when I find out I'm just thinking "Urgh not again" Since I always get manipulated and dumped by them. Anyone else on the spectrum find this?

This is actually pretty interesting. My coworker has BPD, and he is one of the few people I talk to. He ended up negative splitting me before he left for a Military Deployment.

I think it comes down to people with BPD have a very black and white view of people being friends or enemies. When you are a friend there is a strong connection, but when they decide you aren't...

So then Aspies need strong connections to feel anything perhaps?

I'm on the spectrum & was diagnosed with BPD after me & my 1st girlfriend broke up. I was suffering from a psychotic depression at the time which caused some of the characteristics of BPD when mixed with my Aspergers. I don't think I have BPD nowadays thou I do still have some of the traits. My current girlfriend is on the spectrum & probably on the border of having BPD. Her mom has BPD & her brother has been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was a kid so both things likely run in her family. Both me & Cass take relationships very seriously & neither of us has ever suddenly dumped someone. We're both the 1s who get dumped by others. Also neither of us consciously tries to manipulate our partners thou we may sometimes do things that can seem manipulative to others who don't understand the situation & what we're both dealing with at the time.

It's actually not that uncommon for Aspies to get in romantic relationships with others who have BPD & it's also not that uncommon for girls on the spectrum to be misdiagnosed as having BPD cuz of how Aspergers affects girls differently.

I first suspected my first GF was on the spectrum as well, which is why we seemed to click so well. I eventually realized that she has a severe case of BPD. The whole "black and white" thing is very true: I should have ran for the hills when I saw her Facebook page as she literally found her "soulmate" over and over and then hated the same person, often times within the same week. Instead of being smart and running for cover, I decided I would be the "hero" who wouldn't mistreat her.

I eventually learned that normal people won't go on three hour rants when you are about 2 minutes late or scream and yell so loud when you stand your ground the police get summoned. I later dated someone else who also had a major blowout over something very minor and was smart enough to do the cut and run.

I think the main reason why we are attracted to BPDs is that they tend to be very upfront and sexually aggressive which I mistook for confidence and interest. After being rejected almost my entire life hearing that someone thought I was hot and desired me was irresistible. Little did I know that was just the hook used to bait literally anyone else. I saw her family once and if looks could kill I would have been a dead man. I am sure she told them all about the nasty stuff I did (nothing serious but I am not proud of it either) and neglects to mention the times she threw items at me, refused to leave my apartment and did other things that I should have had her arrested for rather than just feeling sorry for her and being a punching bag.

Most of the time when my girlfriend talks to her family about me she is complaining to them about me, & most of the time when she talks to me about anyone in her family she is complaining about them, & most of the time when she talks to a family member about another family member she is complaining about them as well. Cass gets upset easily & ranting helps her blow off steam & get things off her chest. She also rathers talk about people to others than complain about them to their faces especially when it's something the person cant help, has little control over, or is something that would only be a minor annoyance to most others. Cass told me 1ce that most of her family kind doubted I love her cuz of how much she complains about me & how little good stuff she tells them about me. They know I care about her but they don't really get how much I love her. However she's like that when she complains about a family member to another family member & they all know how much she loves her family. She has a close relationship with most of her family & just has to see them regularly & call some of them weekly.

Right? Three hours in the beginning and then it might get bought up again another 20 or 30 times along with other stuff. Things kind of snowball.

I have a relative who copes with those situations very well, he doesn't respond to the argument he responds with tonnes of affection and reassurances and that works.

I should probably get some therapy regarding my ASD + BPD relationship, I feel f****d from it.

I was diagnosed BPD 20 yrs ago, I will find out in a few hours if that was a misdiagnosis or not - my ASD assessment. That said, I see that my NT-like husband dated similar women, e.g. one woman had epilepsy, another BPD-like (me)… I see connections between epilepsy, BPD, ASD. In many ways these are a natural balance for his challenges. I think any relationship works best with self awareness for both people and regular communication and resources. So BPD could work with the correct supports in place. If you've met one BPD, or two or twelve BPD persons, you've met only those BPD people. (alluding to the popular ASD quote) That said, it could be a bad dynamic you're repeating if rather than healing it magnifies challenges, in which case it would be good to branch out from that.

I dated a man like me (HSP) and decided that wasn't a good fit (emotions escalated) and married a man unlike me in that way and we're 20 years and going strong (understanding, different but equal). I am a sensation seeker so went out with men who superficially were very different, but the commonality I see between my BFs was that they were oddballs too. So something there... The tall, nerdy man who carved soap; the short, romantic drummer; the quiet athletic man with the long braided hair...

Wishing you find someone who is a good mutual fit and worthy of years of growth together!