The worst problems in getting a girlfriend I struggle with

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1) I don’t fit in anywhere. I am too “geeky” for the mainstream culture of my area but not geeky enough for the geek culture.

2) I am not religious and nearly everyone in my area calls themselves Christian even if they smoke, drink, get tattoos, and have pre-marital sex.

3) I didn’t date in high school or at any point in my developmental years. I am at the age where dating should be second hand for me but it isn’t at all.

4) I don’t fanboy about cars, guns, football, and country or rap music like most males in my area do. This not only limits me on social opportunities but makes me come off as “weak” or even “gay”.

5) I suffer from strong anxiety and no treatment has any effect. I was told yesterday by some friends I should ask out some women who work at a Mexican restaurant I go to often and the idea made me feel nervous.

6) I have clinical depression and it is treatment resistant. Depression is also regarded as being “weak” or even “Satanic” in the Bible Belt.

7) I have very few friends and if any have female relatives, they are already in a relationship or are married. My attempts to get out of my social rut always hit dead ends.

8 ) I have a control freak mother.

9) Women in the culture I live in tend to date and marry early so the number of available women is always slim.

10) I was born prematurely. I started off at an disadvantage.

Last edited by Marknis on 08 Dec 2019, 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Most of those things seem like they could be solved simply by moving somewhere else.

The guys who told me to ask out the women who work at the Mexican restaurant are unfamiliar with Aspergers and probably don’t get that they probably already have boyfriends or husbands.

Mexican women would love a guy like you! Go to the Mexican restaurant and ask one out, bro!

You'll never know until you try, bro!

Honestly, I don't know you enough to answer this. There are moderately geeky people, why not? In middle school, I called myself "Metalloid" because I wasn't a "true" metal fan but too "metallish" to be a normie. Most people didn't care and there were others like me.

I always hated small towns.

Neither did my husband. "Second hand"?

I always hated small towns.

From my point of view, your anxiety eased a little bit since I started reading your posts. Maybe some treatment is working.

Me too. Though mine have improved in the last three years.
Also, I always hated small towns.

Even talking to married female relatives may help with anxiety, I suppose.

That's a problem, indeed.

AFAIK women in bigger cities marry later. Did I tell you that I always hated small towns?

That was quite a long time ago, a lot have happenedd since then.

I think he means "second nature" -- as in almost automatic or instinctive.

Never was for me.

Me neither. I met my wife in my mid-thirties.

^ You can always use the hand.

I wasn’t quite a nerd but not quite a normie either. I liked video games but mostly played FPSs since they were the “cool games” and hardly touched any non-FPS games. I didn’t read novels unless they were for school assignments such as quizzes and I watched South Park, Ren & Stimpy, Beavis and Butthead, King of the Hill, and The Simpsons instead of anime since it was considered “gay” or “weird Japanese crap” but I did secretly look at hentai and watch movies like the old animated movie Heavy Metal . I was susceptible to common opinions and worried what others thought about me.

When it came to rock music, I liked most of what was popular unless it leaned too far on the rap side of rap rock (Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit) and too poppy on the side of pop punk (Simple Plan and Good Charlotte though I briefly liked the latter because a friend liked them). When metalcore became the next big trend, I liked Killswitch Engage and Shadows Fall but Atreyu and Avenged Sevenfold were considered “emo” so I thought I wasn’t supposed to like them; I now just don’t like their music simply because what I’ve heard from them isn’t my thing. I made myself like Godsmack, Disturbed, System of a Down, Deftones, Korn, Slipknot, Fuel, Nickelback, Cold, and Staind because I thought they would make me have new friends but it didn’t translate to automatic friendships. I now don’t listen to any of them because I came across other bands I found to be more interesting and the fact I found them on my own made them more special to me. Napalm Death blasted Slipknot out of my palette and Helmet made me wave goodbye to Korn and Deftones.

I read for enjoyment now, I don’t get swept up in music trends and just focus on bands themselves, and I don’t care if what I like isn’t the “cool thing”.

Last edited by Marknis on 09 Dec 2019, 3:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Deprive a person of food, and they won't be able to think of anything but food. Deprive a man of intimacy, and he won't be able to think of anything but intimacy. I get the feeling, trust me. Sometimes, those problems get so big in our minds that we can't conceive of anything outside those problems. Often, the solution to those problems come when we search for solutions to different problems - in this case, solutions to dating are often made more apparent when we first have solutions for friendship and belonging.

Under what circumstances in the past have you felt most socially engaged with other people? Like a certain interest meeting, for example.

My anti-insomnia medicine is starting to work so I may not really parse the text correctly... but this sounds good.

If I hadn’t developed any willpower, I would still be listening to songs that are overplayed and products of their time like this:


instead of timeless and inspired songs like this:

I actually like the first song! Although Mark I sympathize with now about not being nerdy enough to fully fit in with the nerds but too nerdy to fit in with the jocks

I suffer from insomnia at least once or twice a week.



I used to enjoy it but my tastes changed. I won’t knock you for liking it, though.

Probably one of the few things nerds and jocks can both like are video games but the former are willing to try different genres while jocks tend to stick to “bro games”.