[ POLL ] "Love Me, Love My Family."

Post Reply New Topic

How many of you have run into this situation: You're in a relationship that has progressed to the "Meet the Family" stage, and when you have met your SO's ("Significant Other's") parents and siblings (and maybe children, as well), you determine that there is one of those relatives who just simply rubs you the wrong way.  Maybe the person has opinions that are hostile to yours, maybe that person develops a crush on you, or maybe that person is just plain 'weird' and/or obnoxious.

For the purposes of this poll, we'll refer to that member as the "Gray Sheep" -- they may not be a really bad person, but you just can't stand to be around them.  How do you deal with that person?  Assume that you have already informed your SO of the problem you're having with the Gray Sheep.

You may select 2 options (I recommend that one of those options be "Other"), and you may change your selections at any time.

Thank you.

I would be civil at the very least and that would be with the most offensive types. I try to find neutral topics to talk about or some sort of common ground in which we can bond over. Lightening the mood with humor is a good tactic to have in one’s arsenal.

The good thing is that that person probably irritates their blood relatives too but is only tolerated because he or she is family, so it makes you look really good if you have the patience and good manners to get along with the offensive individual.

There’s usually an outlet for frustration because other members of the family probably complain about the annoying person when he or she isn’t around. I’d hold off on engaging in criticism until I’ve become a member of the family and, perhaps, only repeat complaints that others have said.

I’ve never not gotten along with someone in a scenario like this except once. I failed to get along with my best friend’s boyfriend when I was a teenager (I felt that he didn’t deserve her; he didn’t.), and it cost me dearly.

I'll be polite and civil to Gray Sheep, but I rarely initiate contact with them.  I feel no obligation to do otherwise.  If Mrs. Fnord 'suggests' that I be nicer, I'll make a token effort.  If. for example, all they want to talk about is their particular obsession of the moment, I'll clam up, nod politely, and add nothing to the conversation until ...

"... Oh, look! My glass is empty! Time for a refill ..."

I’ll nod if politics come up and the person is advocating something bizarrely regressive, but I also try to change the subject when an opportunity presents itself.

I’m a peacemaker. My family fought horribly when I was a kid, especially when aunts, uncles, and cousins would visit, and it stressed me out, so when my danger censor goes off, I try to redirect things.

You know that things are bad when I’m asking sports-related questions like: How many home runs and field goals did the Patriots score in the last game?

The hardest thing to deal with was realizing that I may have been that Gray Sheep in many circumstances.  I mean, how many people enjoy conversations on topics like the origins of deep-mantel diamonds, the forms extra-terrestrial life might take, the proper construction of a high-powered UHF gyrator circuit, or the proportion of raw turmeric to each liter of fermenting wine of a certain specific gravity?

<* sigh *>

I know, I know ... stick to sports, cars, guns, and Star Wars ... as if these subjects were the be-all and do-all of human existence ...

I enjoy hearing people talk about their interests even odd ones. It saves me from having to talk.

I don’t usually talk about my special interests to other people. My brother does and it works out for him. People find it charming. He’s selective about the interests he talks about and to whom, though. Of course, he’s the good one and I’m the black sheep, so they have a higher tolerance for his foibles.

My brother can say something and they’re fine with it. If I say it, it pisses them off, so I don’t say much.

Pfft! Family.

I picked the other option because of 1) an innate fondness for ice cream and 2) the fact that my lady friend has a more balanced family than do I.

The obstacle between she and I is not an idiotic individual, or a Capulet-and-Montague feud, but the fact that I am Catholic and she is Anglican. There are many similarities but some vital differences. Also, we are both studying and do not have time for deciding whether to fall in love.

So the obstacle is old Father Time, come right down to it. If she is fine with my Catholicism (and she does not object) that's one thing...it's waiting long enough to see whether she likes me.

So we're just content to be best friends. Now can I insult my liver and ruin my pancreas?

I should have picked ice cream myself.

I would be civil, but keep an eye on that person.

Luckily this poll is about my spouse's family and I have to say he has two amazing sets of parents. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.

There are some other relatives that are a bit more difficult, but I rarely have to see them. Once a year or less. The thing that offended me the most was when some cousin twice removed kept belittling his new wife in front of a whole group of people.

In that case, I suddenly remembered some work I had to do and left the room. Since I have to be on call 24/7 for my job, this works well. Client emergency. And because of hipaa, I don't even have to come up with an explanation of the emergency

So, I checked "other" and the technique would be: just avoid them.

This poll is about anybody's family.That seems to be the general consensus. No one is under any obligation to engage the gray sheep of the family. Just because someone is a friend of my wife (for example), that does not mean that they have to be nice to me.

Although if they were in my own house, they had better show some deference toward me, or not be invited back; and if I was in their house, I would not go back for a second visit.

My wife doesn’t have contact with anyone in her family except her mother, her daughter’s biological mother, and her daughter. I get along well with all three.

My family is a whole other matter.

I picked 2 and 3.

What made a difference for me in such situations is how my partner would handle this. If they have a close family member that I cannot stand who is mistreating me, interfering or using their influence to cause conflict and my partner goes along with it and asks me to do the same, that's a dealbreaker for me.

If they don't do any of these things and I just don't like them, civil and polite is fine. I would definitely avoid conversations that would lead to open conflict and just make (minimal) small talk.

I've always been very cautious with this kind of stuff, I don't believe in "marrying the family".

Luckily the only two members of my wife’s family who are “grey sheep” also really wind her up with their silliness, pettiness & such... I maintain an option 2 stance.

Quite often I’m the one calming my wife down after seeing the humans in question: it gets to her more because it’s her family letting her down.

There’s a fair few “black sheep” on the same side, but Mrs K had cut all contact with them years before we met: so I know them only by rumour and hearsay.

Family? A life sentence with no reprieve for good behaviour.

Love ice cream though.