Could I be Autistic?

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How to start this... I've always a little off (that's the more polite way to describe what I've been told by others). I've always walked on my toes, never look people in the eye, rarely talk. stayed away from any social interaction, had severe anxiety disorder and depression along with a few learning disabilities, but I excel at reading and writing. My highschool Literature teacher submitted a story I wrote to a high school textbook publisher, I'm not sure how that turned out but she gave me money for it. If something is different to my routine I have a meltdown, and it is so embarrassing when I'm in public. It's really interfering with my life. Someone once suggested I take an online test and I was shocked how accurately most of the questions describe me. It's like having puzzle pieces finally falling into place. It said I had Aspergers. I'm not sure how reliable that is and I would like to speak to someone for an official diagnoses. I already had appointments with my family doctor and therapist but they're in lat January and I really want to know If I should try to get in earlier and ask them about this. Maybe it's all in my head but I feel like i have something more going on besides an anxiety disorder. Any imput will be greatly appreciated.
yay ninja turtles!

First: Welcome aboard!

Second: As far as I know, no one here is qualified to render an accurate diagnosis based on anonymous posts on a social website.

Thank you for replying. I guess I'm just a little anxious to find answers. Here's hoping my doctor can tell me how it's diagnosed

if you weren't autistic before, posting here will make you autistic.

All of those are Aspie [Those with Asperger's Syndrome or High Functioning Autism] traits.


There is an old saying, "If you met one Aspie, you have met one Aspie."
We are all very different.
There was an early television series called "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis”. It aired from 1959 to 1963. I think of this series as a primer on Aspies because In My Humble Opinion [IMHO] it was filled with the various types of Aspies. Most people recognize Aspies that excel in STEM fields [science, technology, engineering, and math]. But they fail to see the other tribes. Another type of Aspie excels as writing stories, script-writing, poetry. A third type excels at music, composing, and performance arts. You combine these various tribes and marvelous things begin to happen.


This is another Aspie trait.

As Fnord has said, no one here is qualified to give you an assessment, [especially over the internet] but off hand it sounds like you belong to one of the tribes of Aspies.

Oh! Also I almost forgot. Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Sound like Aspie traits to me, but I'm not a psych professional and I've never met you.

We'll see what your therapist has to say.

My reading and writing tests at about the 99.9 percentile. There are some gaps in short-term memory if I'm stressed out. Don't give me more than two or three instructions verbally if you want me to remember them (needs to be in writing). I get out of sorts when my routines are disrupted (not a meltdown only because I've worked on it for decades).

I have also always been 'kind of off'.

Thank you everybody for your replies, it's only been a few so far. I'm starting to feel more comfortable, like I can talk about this without being judged. No matter how I'm diagnosed, I feel... welcomed somehow if that makes sense. A rare feeling. Thank you
P.S.
I hope I'm using this forum right, I rarely use the internet in a social capacity such as this

I'm feeling dueling emotions between relief and fear. Again I have not yet been diagnosed so I might be be stressing myself unnecessarily. But to explain why I feel some level of relief is I feel like I might have an explanation to certain reactions I can't control and maybe now if this is identified I might get the help I need. Maybe i won't be so scared to take a test or not have one of my meltdowns during a small unexpected change.
On the other hand I'm worried that if I do have Aspergers, how am I going to explain it to my family. Most of my family, well... they have no patience with me as it is. I'm always either too quiet or having one of my episodes during family functions. Doesn't help when they say I'm just trying to get attention or, how do I put this, acting ret*d. Their words. I hate that word. I'm scared of that word. It was that word that has stopped me from seeking information for years.
Not everyone in my family is like this. If it wasn't for my mother (who'me I'm inseparable with) who always took time to help me or make a phone call when I was too panicky to talk on the phone to make appointments. Or my great-grandmother, who was a teacher and started teaching me to read and write before I even started school and her patience with my learning disabilities... well if it wasn't for those two I don't know where I'd be. I'm not sure why I'm adding all this. I feel like a dam just broke and I can't stop from going on and on

Don't fret too much, you are always welcome here.

Sounds like the fear is of how your family will react . When someone announces they have their diagnosis here, the response is often "congradulations". It is nice to finally know what has caused your difficulties and then maybe learn strategies for them. I find this forum is a great place to learn. As far as your family goes, I'm surprised by the difficulties people see it disclosing their ASD diagnosis. Here is a recent post on the subject: Disclosing Your New Diagnosis As An Adult.

Welcome to WP .

Finally was able to get see someone. It was actually my mother's therapist since mine is so booked. She's sure my mother doesn't have ASD but she she seems to really believe I fit the bill for Asperger's and seem to be experiencing something called an autism burnout. (Can anyone tells me what fit the bill means?). But I will still need to see my therapist and see if she can refer me to a Psychiatrist and then I may need to see a specialist. Which in the sticks where I live that requires quiet a drive, and usually leaves me very drained and anxious (and that's if I have the money to travel). I'm relieved to know after years of pretending to be like everybody else and anxiety disorder it could just be this disorder and I'm not insane or just... born wrong. But I am frustrated. How was this missed? But I did try to act as what I thought as normal as I could when talking to my doctors. Either way, I have a feeling this is going to be quiet the process

"Fit the bill" appears to be a variation: the Oxford English Dictionary notes printed use of the expression "to fill the bill" as early as 1861; they expound its meaning as, "to fulfil the necessary requirements; to come up to the requisite standard" - a "bill" can have been any kind of written document, not only theatrical but any sort of advertisement, invoice, inventory, shipping label, sale catalogue, membership list, etc. etc.

So essentially your mother's therapist is saying that you have many of the traits of Asperger's syndrome and this is a good match.

What you describe sounds similar to my experience of ASD: I'm too much, too little - in reactions, in senses. You seem to have stronger or more traits than I do. I was diagnosed last month as "mild to moderate".

Wishing you well as you explore your identity alignment.

I'm so exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. My Primary care physician really seems to think I could be on the spectrum, says she has other patients on the spectrum that have displayed similar traits. But finally saw my therapist even though my appointment was in January, she has to reschedules a lot. This is only the third time I've seen her the past two years and I feel like I made a fool of myself and irritated her. She has first hand knowledge because her step-brother has Asperger's and while an anxiety sometimes might mimic anxiety and she's seen me cry, she assured me there is no way this anxiety disorder can be confused with ASD. And that I would have been diagnosed around two and six, teachers would have also been able and qualified to diagnose me. Some of what she said didn't sound right as I have heard of people getting diagnosed past childhood but she would be more of an expert than I am. but she did seem very sure I think. Now my other doctor I mentioned earlier disagrees with her and has offered to give me a referral herself but she can make no guarantees as there's not many available in the area. I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid.

From what I heard it is not unusual for therapists to dismiss the possibility of adult ASD. Your childhood was at the earliest time when ASD was starting to be more widely identified by schools and diagnosed. I think you would have needed the most up to date educators for them to have identified ASD kids. Did the therapist argue that ASD is a developmental disorder and there needs to be signs of early childhood difficulties for a diagnosis. This is a valid point, but your mom and school records should be able to clarify this.

Actually I do. School was very hard for me and the teachers and past therapists I had as a child were constantly diagnosing me with many different things from ADD, Anxiety Disorder, Non-verbal Learning Disorder, ect. And my mother has always kept everything from brother's and my childhood, including documentation.