Phrases you hated growing up

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So I'm simply going to vent about phrases I hated hearing from my NT family growing up.

"Stop using your disability as an excuse." Whenever I mention I have difficulty focusing or have difficulty with tasks and I blame ADHD/Aspergers.

"Your brother's different." Double standards

"Try harder." When I seek advice on tasks that I find difficult.

"That's just the way it is." When I got confused by something, typically a social matter.

"How come you can't..." When I fail to do something and apparently I was supposed to do that something perfectly without prior instruction or experience.
"THINK!! !" Also, a reply when I get confused on task and fail it.

"It's simple." No, no it's not. Whenever I say something is complicated (Such as socializing which is instinctual for NT's, eye contact, proper distance, proper volume, and what to say are not simple.)

There's more, but I've vented enough. I don't want to make a block of text and I'm genuinely curious about what phrases other people hated constantly hearing growing up.

Mostly, I heard radio silence.

Notable quotes from my mother include:

"You're useless as tits on a bull!"

"Doris' daughter is like Cinderella!"

"Your cousin was born the same day! Look at her success!"

"I don't know how you can live like that."

"Why can't you be more like <person's name>?"

"Do you think you're special?"

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"

"What are you sneaking around for?"

"All that reading is gonna rot your brain."

"I know what you did, I'm just waiting for you to admit it, and you're going to stay there until you do."

"It's obvious! You must be kidding/lying/making excuses, it's impossible you don't understand!"

Also, uncomfortably many of Fnord's list - I had it better with reading, being a bookworm was accepted, but the rest applied.

Reading was accepted for me too, but it presented its own problems. My mother thought if I was out of sight with a book, being silent, she didn't have to raise me or interact. As a result we didn't communicate and she had no idea of all the challenges I faced (Undiagnosed ASD, bullying, depression, sensory issues, BFRB, anxiety, etc.)

"Never mind, things will work out", which was my parents response when I was depressed. I'd like to know when it will happen, as it's over 50 years since they started telling me that!

"Always sitting around with your nose in a book--" I'm majoring in English; what have you been doing?

"It's a mute point." Moot, MOOT damn it! And that's "up for discussion," not turning the volume off.

"The One Holy Apostolic Church--" Just say "Catholic Church." We know which one you're talking about.

"Tactile Boy" And I'm to call you by some other name like the f--king Incredibles, huh?

"Do you ever get tired of having to think you're right?" No, because quite frequently I am right.

"An old soul." I don't believe in that past-lives reincarnation woo-woo BS. I just like 1910s stuff.

"Holed up in your room--" Yes, because I don't like whatever noisemaking is going on in the rest of the house.

"Living in the past." If I really wanted to, I'd re-engineer the space-time continuum, not hoard Victrola records.

"high and tight" (describing haircuts.) No. Just no.

"Just let me finish my coffee ..."
This was when we were leaving people's home, if I was forced to visit. The cup of coffee would last like three hours.

"If you're so smart, how come you don't have any friends?"

"Getting an 'A' is good, but an 'A+' is even better."

"You always ..."

"You never ..."

"You're upset over nothing!"

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"Who pays the bills around here?"

"You think you have all the answers, don't you?"

"ANSWER ME!!"

"You're just like your father's side of the family."

"I hate your father's side of the family!"

When I would stim: "Don't do that! You look ret*d!"

"You shouldn't be sitting there doing that bloody rubbish, you should be outside playing football."

... and that old favourite: " Cheer up."

"Treat others like you would wish to be treated".

With this expression, there's an unspoken assumption that I want to be treated nicely. However, as someone who grew up with self-esteem issues and an irrational belief that I deserved poor treatment this wasn't the case.

"Aw, they're only bullying you because they have a crush on you! Be flattered! Take the compliment"

No. They shouldn't be bullying me. Any romantic feelings they might have does not excuse their behaviour.

"Just ignore the bullies".

Sometimes this works...but personally, in the vast majority of cases I experienced, this advice did not help at all. It actually made things worse on certain occasions.

"Everything happens for a reason, so it's a good thing that (*insert terrible event here*) happened to you!"

Whilst I grew as a person because of it, I am not defined by my trauma. How I coped with the situation afterwards is what makes up a part of me. You could argue that it made me stronger, but it's definitely still a bad event. It hurt me and acting like it's actually all great comes across as dismissive.

I've remembered more, and put it all in order. Now I feel nauseated.

The Statements:

"All that reading is gonna rot your brain."
"Don't you ever think?"
"Company's coming over; go play in your room."
"Everything you have, I own."
"Get out of my sight; I'm tired of looking at you."
"Getting an 'A' is good, but getting an 'A+' is even better."
"I can't wait for you to grow up and get a place of your own."
"I expected better from you."
"I know what you did, I'm just waiting for you to admit it, and you're going to stay there until you do."
"I wish you'd never been born."
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"
"Now stop that crying or I'll give you something to really cry about!"
"You always ..."
"You never ..."
"You're so much trouble."
"You'll never amount to anything."
"You're upset over nothing!"

The Questions:

"Do you think you're special?"
"Don't you care about anyone other than yourself?"
"How can I ever trust you again?"
"How can someone as smart as you be so stupid?"
"If you're so smart, how come you don't have any friends?"
"What are you sneaking around for?"
"What's the matter with with you?"
"Who pays the bills around here?"
"Why can't you be more like <person's name>?"
"You think you have all the answers, don't you?"
"WELL? DAMMIT, ANSWER ME!!"

Things Overheard (about me):

"He got it from YOUR family!"
"He's YOUR son, too!"
"If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had to marry you!"
"Well, if it wasn't for him, we'd all be better off!"

I'm a survivor, not a victim... I'm a survivor, not a victim... I'm a survivor, not a victim...

I got a job with my mother's best friend.

Mother: "She actually said you did a good job! I couldn't believe it!"

"She noticed you never look at people like normal people do!"

How could I forget. When I moved out:

"You'll have to turn tricks to afford tampons!"

(((Isabella)))

And everyone else who needs a virtual hug.


It was kind of more straight forward with me: "You'll never amount to anything", "You think you're better than us but you'll end up in jail anyway", "You're the worst thing that happened to me" or "I wish you were never born". I got used to it, at least it wasn't passive-aggressive and I only spent two years with my mother anyway.