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Appendix 1 – Compensation Checklist
Masking
1. Avoidance
Avoid social situations where you would stand out.
2. Hold back
Hold back your true thoughts and opinions in conversation (e.g., agree with others even if you disagree with them, tolerate behaviour of others). Hide aspects of your personality that would be deemed different to the norm (e.g., your interests and hobbies).
3. Suppress
Suppress atypical behaviours (e.g., hand flapping, fidgeting).
4. Present but passive
Attend social events, even if you would rather not, to give the impression of sociability. Stand in a conversation but say/do as little as possible.
5. Superficial assimilation
Dress and speak like the group you are trying to blend in with (e.g., copy hairstyle, language, interests).
6. Basic social etiquette
Reflect basic social etiquette to indicate a willingness to socialise (e.g., smile, manners, look towards other people).
Shallow Compensation
7. Plan and rehearse
Predict, plan out and rehearse conversations before they happen, out loud or in your head.
8. Copy/model behaviour
Mimic phrases, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice picked up from other people and/or TV/film/book characters.
9. Eye contact
Make appropriate eye contact, even if it is not useful for communication and/or is aversive. Avoid eye contact but give the impression of social interest (e.g., look at bridge of nose, stand at a 90° angle to interaction partner).
10. Learned scripts, social rules
Enact learned scripts and social rules, even when it may not be appropriate, to guide conversations (e.g., ask others set questions, small talk, laugh at ‘joke cues’, turn-take in conversation).
11. Guide conversation
Steer conversation to topics you are equipped to talk about (e.g., special interests). Focus conversation on your interaction partner to draw attention away from self.
12. Rely on others
Attend social events with a more socially skilled individual who can act as a ‘social crutch’ (e.g., introduce you, fill in or disguise your social mistakes, explain social nuances to you).
13. Reduce social demands
Reduce social demands on yourself in order to disguise any social faux pas (e.g., ‘flit’ between different groups/conversations, engage in 1:1 conversation rather than groups so there are less social signals to read, make use of structured socialising or ‘organised fun’).
14. Counselling skills
Listen to, repeat and rephrase what your interaction partner says to give the impression of being an ‘good listener’ or ‘adviser’, without having to necessarily mentalise.
15. Use props
Rely on props (e.g., dog, children, interesting object) to structure and guide conversation. Similar to learned scripts.
16. Play a false role
Play an exaggerated role or character that is inconsistent with the ‘real you’ (e.g., false confidence, fabricated stories, extraverted personality).
Deep Compensation
17. Learned non-verbal cues
Use learned rules about non-verbal behaviour (e.g., facial expression, body language, direction of gaze), when it is appropriate, to infer what others are thinking/feeling. For example, inferring that when someone looks at the ground or rolls their eyes, they are bored.
18. Learned verbal cues
Use learned rules about verbal behaviour (e.g., tone of voice, content of speech) to infer what others are thinking/feeling. For example, inferring that someone who is talking about a funeral with a particular tone is likely sad.
19. Assess behaviour
Assess someone’s behaviour over time to infer what they are thinking/feeling. For example, if someone re-invites you to a social event, they think positively of you.
20. Substituted perspective taking
Substitute someone else’s values/preferences/interests with your own or those of a TV/film/book character to infer what others are thinking/feeling. For example, if someone is acting similar to a TV/film/book character in particular situation, infer that they are thinking/feeling how that character would in the same situation.
21. Logic, context, experience
Predict likelihood of what someone is thinking/feeling based on logic, the context or experience of how that person has previously behaved. Often involves analysing social situations after they have happened and carrying ‘lessons learned’ to the next time the same situation happens.
22. Flexible catalogue
Flexibly use built catalogue of possible interpretation of others’ thoughts/feelings, based on combination of multiple sources of information (e.g., logic, context, facial expression, tone of voice).
23. More information or time
Gain more information to increase accuracy of your inference about someone’s thoughts/feelings (e.g., get them to repeat what they have said in a different way, find out about their interests/opinions from others). Gain more time to make a judgement of someone’s thoughts/feelings (e.g., take a well-timed break to consider various interpretations).
24. Recalibrate
Recalibrate your interpretation of someone else’s thoughts/feelings based on self-awareness of your own cognitive biases (e.g., tendency to perceive neutral expression as anger).
25. Psychological theory
Apply learned psychological theory to help infer what others are thinking/feeling (e.g., categorise people by personality type).
Accommodation
26. Play to your strengths
Play to your strengths (e.g., humour, wit, intelligence) to add additional value to conversation with others, despite your social differences.
27. Be helpful, liked
Go out of your way to be helpful to others, so that your social differences might be forgiven.
28. Seek ‘atypical’ others
Seek relationships with others who are also socially ‘atypical’ and therefore more accepting of your social differences.
29. Accommodating environment
Work in an environment where your social differences are actively accommodated (e.g., ‘autism friendly’ workplace) or where non-social skills are valued over social ones (e.g., academia, skill-based job).
30. Foreign disguise
Live in a foreign country so that your differences are attributed to being foreign by others. Live in your country of birth but seek relationships with others who are foreign, so that your social differences are attributed to cultural differences.
31. Disclose difficulties
Disclose your difficulties or diagnosis to others so that they can better accommodate you.
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
15 Feb 2020, 11:12 am
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I don't seem to get much free time these days, but I've no intention of vanishing for good. And thanks to magz for pasting the most important info from the links I supplied before. I suppose playing an instrument could go under "Play to your strengths" - it's tempting to think that non-virtuoso playing isn't much of a strength, but it's a big step up from not being able to play at all, or not daring to play. Personally I've found music to be a huge social bonding force, and I'm sure I'd be a lot lonelier without it.
(At least I think it is irony. 
