Coworker Crush - Help Welcome

Post Reply New Topic

Last week at my workplace, we got new hires in the same department and level I'm in with no power dynamic. One of them is a woman who I have been having a crush on ever since I saw her. I have introduced myself and we talked a little bit from last week. She is someone who I appreciate, respect the company of and knows I have high-functioning autism (Asperger Syndrome.)

I have looked at my workplace policies on employees dating other employees and I have seen no problems or issues from the handbook in my circumstance. I want to ask her out casually but what I'm afraid of is a harassment accusation just from politely and respectfully asking her out once; this is something I overthink and has been in my mind since.

What steps would you recommend in this situation and what tips would you do to avoid any trouble?

Avoid; don’t ask her out, don’t show any romantic intentions; forget about it.

The safest way if she asks you out - or asks you to join some outing, but that may not happen. So don’t hope much.

Also, how handsome are you? The less, the worse the outcome would be.

So yeah, forget it.

Do not proceed... unless you get another job. Work relationships rarely turn out well. Just keep it at crush level.

I never exactly had a crush on a coworker but there were some I liked & tried asking out. No women worked in the same department as me. We knew each other a while & were casual work friends which is probably why I started liking them & felt I might actually have a chance with them. None of em were interested in me romantically but most were kewl about rejecting me. A couple weren't but they didn't go to a higherup or anything like that. They just made my work alittle more difficult for me & gave me attitude till they left. The one that was the worst was not a casual work friend 1st & I also didn't get that she was hinting No for abit & I kept trying. I also noticed after that she had an attitude with men in general. I suspect she was nice to be at 1st cuz she thought I was gay \

Anyways here's my advice which might be worthless based on my history of never having a date ever
I would suggest trying to get to know her a little more 1st as a casual work friend. Don't push or rush things just yet. Maybe down the road a little you can offer to do something with her that involves something she's really into, like something that involves her interests or values. Also don't call it a date. Maybe make it sound like you two would be hanging out. Lots of people tend to be much better at picking up hints than us Aspies & women tend to be better at it getting hints than men in general so she should get the hint by that point that your interested in her. If she's not interested she might not be direct with you about telling you No like she might say she's busy or something like that. If she really is but is interested in you, she'd suggest an alternative. My biggest mistake that could of gotten me in trouble in the workplace that I realize now was not getting the No hint. Well I kinda got it but I was desperate, felt put on the spot & since I tend to be more literal & direct with others & wish they were with me, I thought there was a chance she might really be just busy so I kept suggesting different days & times. I might could of saved face alittle better & had those girls give me less attitude after if I had just dropped it when they 1st said the indirect No.

Statistically speaking, this is untrue; check the numbers.

Be friendly and be fun with her and care about eye contact if talking to her. Care her eyes and her looks towards you. They tell you wether she likes you too. Look for rings on her fingers. Invite her to the cinema or something interesting that you can do after work. If she agrees than she may be interested otherwise skip it.

Announce to her that you are going to <name of nice restaurant> for lunch, then ask if there is anything you could bring her. If she tells you, fine; try again at some random future date. If she then only accepts your offer to “bring her something” two more times, then she’s not that into you. But if she wants to go along and have lunch with you, then she may actually be into you, and you could suggest going together to some outdoor event, like a community faire or open market (Also called “Swap-Meets” here in the states). Just be on your best behavior at all times.

If she expresses no such interest, then continue to be friendly, but don’t try to be her friend.

I met my husband at work. I even supervised him for several years! We’ve been married 28 years now. Knew each other and worked together for 6 years first.