"Don't worry about what other people think"

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I hate it when people (Aspie or allistic) say this. You see, when I was a teenager and early 20s I was often told how embarrassing I behaved in public, and was always told by my peers and adult family members; "you're making a fool of yourself", "what will people think?", "put that in your pocket", "don't shout that out loud", "keep your cool", etc etc.
So it finally got drummed into me that I have to look like and act like everyone else in public, and I have now become afraid to break any rules without any exceptions. I also have social anxiety, which is fear of being in the "spotlight" in public, and to me it's extreme. But even some NTs don't understand how discreet I prefer to be in public - even though NTs are the ones who are famous for doing anything to not look different.

How can I get people to understand that I do not like looking different in public and that I cannot help worrying about it?

I get where you're coming from... but also I cannot tell you how liberating it is to stop worrying about what other people think

Don't get me wrong: I value manners and civilised behaviour a lot and hate the spotlight, so I act accordingly in public, it's for me more a matter of respect for others than anything else. But when it comes to how I live my life, how I think and the choices I make nobody else (except my wife) gets to have a say or express an opinion. "What will people say" is irrelevant as long as I'm content and happy with my life.

So maybe do what makes you feel safe in public etc, just be careful not to allow others to dictate how you live your life and what you think, that's a sure way to unhappiness.

I ended up being depressed and frustrated when I found that no matter how hard I tried to act and be like everyone else, I wasn't. And then I thought "Forget it! I am me and people can take me as I am". I just wasn't sure who I was due to masking for soo long... But I'm me and they can take it or shove it! Haha!

Both my Mum and I often get told off because we don't comply to what other people expect us to be... Somehow they say we should be ourselves and yet act and be like them at the same time?

Trying to think what the saying is that people say. Something like "Do what I say and act your shoesize?" Hang on... Do what I say and do but not what I do? Act your shoesize and not your age?
Nope. They don't sound right either...

I understand the confusion and do sympathize. I remember when I was paralyzed with fear because I knew I had no clothes to attend X,y,z when I was younger. I still worry about it from time to time, but then I dismiss it because I have learned how unproductive it is.

Trying to make sense out of NT behavior can be exhausting and perhaps even futile for ND folks.

But learning to stop letting what other people think is a learning process. At least it is/was for me.

Somehow, I can't remember my trail of thought.

But anyway. People want you to be like them and they don't accept that other people are different to them and live in different ways.

NT's can be confusing. (I maybe one! Who knows!)
But maybe we need a spectrum for confusing NT's?
Actually, if I am found to be an NT, I will be an odd NT, so I could be classed in my own unique classification...

Sorry. Just thinking aloud.