Have you ever been called picky?

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I got called this recently after I said I didn't like a girl who finds me attractive. She smokes weed which is definitely unappealing to me. Just being around it can trigger my asthma. A friend of mine thought that this was overly picky since this girl only does so every few months. Still, I'd rather not date a smoker of any kind.

To clarify, this girl isn't the one I've been talking about recently and met online. As far as I know she doesn't smoke. My friend was trying to set me up with this other girl since I haven't asked out the one I met online. So when the other girl stated that she found me attractive (she's bisexual and single) my friend started to pester me about it.

I still talk to the girl I met online every now and then. However, with recent events throwing my University schedule off (my classes have been moved online) and self-isolating in general, dating hasn't really been a priority. I don't know the girl who smokes weed. Apparently she's going to be a first year in September. I'd rather not date a first year, but I wouldn't be entirely adverse to it. When I come back in September I'll be a third year. Although I'm not sure how much they'll put back my current modules. Everything has been thrown into chaos lately.

She doesn’t seem like your type.

I wouldn’t go all out to date her.

"Picky" could also mean that you have high standards and know your own mind. That sounds healthy to me.

I think your friend is wrong in calling you picky for not wanting to be with someone who smokes and it affects your health. I've been called picky and I agree with it. I find it pointless to date someone that doesn't meet what I want because I see that relationship ending eventually because I can't ignore things I don't like forever. Maybe that'll change as I get older, but I'm fine with being picky for now.

Doesn't make sense to start a relationship to someone who you dislike.

She called you picky because she offered to help you and you shot down her suggestion. She probably felt irritable about it. You will find people on this very forum being angry at those who ask for help then refuse all advice. It's not about you being too picky, but too negative.

Why would you waste your time with a smoker if you are allergic? Common sense, not being picky.

I'm called picky when it comes to guys but I'm ok with it. I find it hard to stay interested in someone so I don't go out much (I know the relationship is doomed anyways). I'm not needy and don't care for endless texting and phone calls. I'll see you when I see you is how I live - see, doomed from the start. But I have been in love (he had lots of faults) and was married for a long time (the only person I didn't mind sharing my space with). Hoping to feel that way again.

I'll admit that I have a tendency towards being a negative person.

However, I didn't want to give the impression that I was interested in someone that I doubt I would be compatible with. Personally from what I do know of this person; she has more in common with my friend than she does with me. We don't really know each other though. My friend only brought it up due to a remark this woman made regarding my appearance. He's probably annoyed at me because now two women have expressed interest in me but I haven't done anything about this.

I was aware that I might come across as dismissive of my friend's attempts, but I wasn't sure how else to deal with the situation. My response was that whilst I was flattered by the woman's words, she isn't my type. She seemed a nice enough person. Athletic, a fan of sports and down-to-earth based on the information I know about her. On the other hand, I'm fairly clueless about most sports and the type to daydream perhaps a bit too much. I think she'd get along better with my friend, but I know it would've come across as rude to say "well, I am not interested, but I think you might make a good couple", so I didn't. My friend found her attractive but I didn't personally. I didn't want to insult her though.

People have told me that I have an overly idealised view of relationships and I should just try hooking up instead. I tend to take some time to warm up to people and would prefer to know someone before physical contact. Although I'll admit to briefly considering kissing one of my other friends when I was a bit tipsy. I didn't.

Anyway, I have been hesitant about asking out the girl I was already interested in because I wanted to get to know her more. So now we're friends. Of course I don't want it to get to the point where she thinks I'm not interested. It's a rather difficult line to walk, one that I'm not used to. Admittedly there is some self-doubt there. I worry about not being interesting enough and making a bad impression, but I am getting more comfortable with talking to her. Even if we don't end up dating in the future it's still nice to have her as a friend.

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I don't think it would have been entirely fair to this other woman since I'd probably end up comparing her to my crush. Not out-loud of course, but it'd probably be in my mind somewhere. I don't want to be entirely caught up on my crush in case it doesn't develop into something, but I don't entirely want to give up on it either just yet. Does that make sense? At the moment there won't be any development in my love life due to self-isolation. Whether or not she'll still be interested...she's still working since she's a key worker. Maybe she'll meet someone. I mean, good for her if she does. Shame I didn't meet her earlier really. Oh well.

Yes. Back in my single days, I mentioned to a few people that I had not dated for quite a while. "Haven't met the right girl" was my reason. Soon, people started introducing me to women they knew -- obese women, sick women, addicted women, women with children, women with crushing debt, women with husbands in prison, et cetera. In simple terms, they introduced me to women who could not get dates themselves. "Don't be picky" was their mantra, and "Beggars can't be choosers" was their reason.

At least I found out what kind of women they thought I deserved.

My mom called me picky a lot but she was talking about my eating habits. I'm a very picky eater but I wasn't that picky about relationships. My main requirements was a woman who didn't have kids & wasn't much older than me. I would of loved to have been set up with some of those types of women but noone ever tried.

Exactly. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want.

People call each other picky for the silliest reasons. I used to bust my younger brother's chops because he definitely had a type (tall, slim, blonde), and never deviated from it. But once I started dating I realized I had a type, too (tall, curvy, brunette) and stopped giving my brother grief.

Yes, but only by chaps I wouldn't date and the only reason they got to call me that is because I took the time to explain my pov.
An athletic smoker? Cant be too much into smoking culture then...

Yeah, I'm also a picky eater due to my heightened senses of smell and taste. I still manage to eat fairly healthy, but my taste in food is often described as dull and plain by others. Definitely couldn't be a chef. The food doesn't seem plain to me, but most of my senses are dialled up to eleven.



Personally, the introductions I get are usually indicative of what the friend introducing them is like. So they will recommend someone similar to themselves personality wise / in terms of interests. This is understandable as my theatrical friends are more likely to know others in theatre, my sporty friends introducing sporty people etc. However, I also have people assuming that I am already in a relationship. I've even had to deal with annoyed parents who want to know why I'm not dating their child.

Sounds like you’re pretty well-liked....

I'd say that's fairly accurate these days. Although I wasn't particularly liked in high school, the opposite has been true in university. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends again after everything calms down.