They are laughing at me, not with me.

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I don't know how high quality your friends are but it's only relatively recently that it dawned on me that people like me because I make them laugh - but actually it's because they think I'm a freak and a soft touch who always pays his way and is easy to take advantage of, not because I'm a comedian.

This seems like something we should read into collectively instead of jumping to conclusions.

It may feel like that to you but depending on your mood and where you are emotionally at the moment, how you interpret things can be very far off base. How I view the same actions depending on my mood can vary a lot. There's a good chance that you are wrong.

I get told by people they like how I put things (laughing as they say it). They could mean my perspective, observations, matter-of-fact way of speaking, I'm not sure. But that's ok because I'm looking to be kept interested / entertained and if people are relaxed around me the conversation is much less structured. That's usually a good thing.

This is very relatable... This past year, I realized that my social value is that I am amusing-- it is usually how I keep friends because I will accidentally be amusing and the consequence of me being laughable or adorable is that I get to keep friends... until my issues override this humorous function and then I lose friends. I am not even good at telling jokes or what I think is hilarious, others do not think of as hilarious, but people often find me humorous because of the things I do or say. This happens in class as well where I will say something-- like bringing up my special interest-- and everyone in the class will start laughing. This has been consistent throughout my life, of people laughing at me... It has not really bothered me really. Recently, it has made me feel infantalized or like I am incapable of being taken seriously, but, overall, I do not really mind it as much as my strangeness, my bluntness, my social obliviousness and a frequent lack of a filter and my persisting confusion, mixed with my hyperactivity makes me very entertaining to be around and when people laugh, they get all the good neurotoxins, so they become happy and I am somehow making this happen-- this is very good! I want to make people happy and not sad... It is only bad when people get annoyed or I become a burden and then they leave... Such a precarious position...

I was laughed at a lot when I was younger because I was socially awkward and frankly stupid in life relative to my academic performance, which was generally good. I felt like a klutz in physical education class and dressing out for P.E. class made me anxious. I got, "You're so smart. Why do you do such stupid things?" a lot.

Now people generally like me. I am not the awkward person I once was. However, I started my emergence very late and am not sure I will ever find someone to love me. I have a lot of friends, but not a significant other and that situation shows no sign of ever changing. As I near my late 50s and beyond, I really can't afford any more false starts and failures or to have my heart broken. A breakup or the death of someone I love dearly would devastate me.

When it comes to family, friends, colleagues and anyone else I know, I know the difference between when someone is laughing with me and when they're laughing at me. From past experiences, I know when people are laughing at me when I see them look at each other and give a snigger or a scoff or whatever, and silence after I've said something is the worst result in a group, as I can almost hear them laughing inside their heads. When people laugh with me, it's more of a friendly, warm type of laugh.

When I hear strangers laughing in public I always believe that they're laughing at me, as I have experienced that before (which is why I'm more socially anxious around the unfamiliar).