The Stupid Thank You Thread

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Alright, so during this pandemic I, and I'm sure many others, have noticed that a lot of adverts in the media are taking advantage of this "Being grateful for everything" bollocks. Even bloody pizza companies that seriously don't give a damn about their customers, acting charitable and as if they are doing what they can to help the cause which is to help people with the coronavirus. Bank adverts with fake (Of course they're fake but these are especially terrible actors) people blatantly reading from a script about what they're going to remember from these days. BLURGH.

The whole thing is ridiculous and a gross exaggeration, and it's very saccharine.

So this thread is dedicated to stupid thank yous, just to balance out the saccharine.

If you can't think of anything, just think of random stupid thank yous.

I'll start:

Thank you for the dreadful adverts that keep filling up the TV screen. You make my day by filling it up with terrible meaningless junk.

Dear Amazon and Search Engines,

Thank you for kindly keeping track of everything I look at online and then placing ads prominently throughout my web journey's for the next weeks. Maybe you know my needs better than I. The long shadows you cast are pervasive and omnipresent.

Thank you, migraine, I just love spending an hour or two unable to do much more than curl up in a ball of agony, while also spending the first half of that time really hoping that this time I’m not going to throw up.

Thank you, dirty dishes, for existing. I don't know where to put anything in my new kitchen, and there's no space to try, so you can sit there and rot.

Thank you, floor, for always being there for me when I trip over nothing and fall on my face.

Thank you for your partisanship.

Thank you family photographs for reminding me that one day I will look today's outfit and hair style and still wonder 'what was I thinking!?'

Thank you, joggers on the narrow pavement! So starved am I of human contact that I gladly welcome your sweaty breath upon my face, like rain falling on parched soil. I am delighted that you only started running during our current crisis: your sacrifice for the common good is appreciated.

Thank you double vision, now there's more of everything.

Thank you flower stores for charging huge prices for something that grows free and starts dying before you have even sold it to me.

Thank you to the random farmer guy who gave me a little bunch of flowers when I got my pumpkins.

Thank you little piggy for running all the way home, that was your last chance to escape.

Dear Amazon. Thank you for making me feel yucky when I typed in "Diarrhea" into the dearch engine to see if I could check its spelling, and your advert promptly came up with

Thank you Twitter, for being so irritating and yet making me want to come back to you because I want attention!