Does this site depress you?

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I'm creating this thread because visiting this site sometimes depresses me. I was diagnosed with AS 3.5 years ago, and generally, I like to forget I have it. The diagnosis explained much of how I grew up, my behaviours and reactions, but the diagnosis is still depressing. Its depressing to know I'm this way for the rest of my life. On one hand, I like being AS, I enjoy my hobbies and projects, but on the other hand, I feel like I sometimes only enjoyed them because my brain is wired that way. I enjoy being proficient at the current workplace where I am employed, but interacting with the faculty there (I teach middle school computer classes) is painful at best(i nearly got fired over facial expressions and a parking spot).

At the moment, I feel desperately lonely in life and crave companionship from the opposite , but actually being able to get that companionship seems nigh impossible. How does AS make you all feel? Is it depressing? I always feel like I desperatly just want to be normal and want to enjoy life, but its just so depressing. I want to be able to enjoy clubs. Enjoy a friday night, actually hold a conversation with people and be able to actually talk to the opposite . It just feels like AS, and anything in general that reminds me of it is really depressing. How do you all deal?

yea, unfortunately that's life.

I don't know what to say to make you feel better because all the points you listed are valid and I struggle with them myself. All I can tell you is we have to deal with it (as with all things in life). I too feel your pain as for finding a mate.... Like all pain, it must be ignored and you have to trek on

What are the issues besides AS Dx from 3.5 years ago?



I wouldn't know. I am HFA and communication deficit
is a big issue for me. I am not co-morbid'd so that is
not of any concern.

What is it that you do specifically that is AS?



Have you done any clubs that share your interest?
What is there to do in your area?
Do you live in a big city?
Do you live in a small city?

This city size gives me clues on the activities!
For example....I am at Jumpin' Java for wifi'ing,
then Border's, and later Starbucks in Reno.
Otherwise I am bored s**tless here! This is a
small town!



Hmmmm? describe your past experience with
the opposite sex(males) there? I am going on
a hunch(call it instinct)!

Hmmmmmm?
Ghosthunter

Hmm.....Well, I don't think I'd be here if this site depressed me. So, no, it doesn't. I view AS as a part of myself, something that will never change, an integral part of me, and I never forget it.

fraid not guy. I am male (typo...damnit!) and its just annoying to think about sometime. I am in a reasonably large city (atlanta) and I guess there are activities here. NOt sure whats around.

as for the work issue, I work around kids. I love the kids, but the Faculty all consdiers me immature and thinks I"m wierd because of the lack of communication. My boss understands, and I suppose that is most important, but its still difficult. As for clubs, I just wanna do and enjoy some "normal" stuff sometime. Thats all

Last edited by ma_137 on 04 Jul 2005, 11:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do I find this site depressing at times, yes. That is because I read the posts and relate them to my own life. I am sure that if I wrote half of the stuff I am thinking about, I would be put under suicide watch immediately.

I know how you feel at you job. As a special needs school bus driver, the kids just love me but by co-workers are not too thrilled about me. About a year ago, an official from the school district where my brothers live wanted me to be a temp substitute (and was willing to pay my way to get a teachers license). I refused exactly because I was afraid of going through what you go through.

I have the same problem - I'll go through months where I look at other people and all the troubles they have with interpersonal relationships and think 'Wow - I'm so happy I don't have to put myself through that!'

Then I'll have something happen and think - 'you know, if I died right now, not only would no one notice for a while but no one would step up to take care of my animals or anything . . .'
Probably the most horrible example of this was when I had surgery (it was minor and I wasn't too worried about taking care of myself) and the nurse asked me at intake who would be taking care of me afterwords and I said 'Me . . .' and she said 'You don't have anyone to come and check on you?' and I got all huffy - but really that depressed me for days . . .
And when my sences short out or my emotions blow up - that does it too . . .

But generally I am much happier know that I know about AS . . .

Well, in how it makes me feel, the short answer is:

Weeeeeeeeee!

The long answer is:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The answer in words is:

I gain a feeling of satisfaction in being different and special, the last thing i'd want is to be like everybody else, and be normal. I'd like to be accepted, but that is just a question of finding other wackos who accept you, and that isn't impossible, I luckily have found a bunch of weirdos who accept me.

I am also relieved that i know now that the reason i had such a big trouble with understanding peoples expressions was that i am biologically incapable of reading them. Now i have the right to ask them, "what the f**k are you trying to say to me, i can't read your face!" or try to learn what each and every individual change in face means without people thinking i'm ret*d. If someone would just explain everything to me, i could act normal, but it would be intentional, not intuitive. I havent gotten around to finding some class on that though.

As for the loneliness, I figure it only a matter of time before i find the right partner, i've got time, i wont rush it. I have my kitty, he helps a lot. But as for the happiness i would have if i died right now, i have specifically worked out the values in my mind and my defense mechanism and all that so that i would be comfortable dying now, despite the lack of an impact it would make on the world.

Overall i am extremely happy with AS. I feel like a spectator privied to all the secrets of the world, should i seek to discover them.

Me too. I love that feeling. Though I hope to not remain a spectator for long.

This place feels like home to me. Depressing? Yes. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Would you rather engage the NT tradition of pretending everything is nice and good even when it is not? Ugh.

Yes depressing because NTs own the world. Yes depressing because of getting fired for being who you are. I am having the same experience - my boss trying to fire me because she feels threatened. I am smarter than her AND more ethical and also not driven by my emotional response to clients. I am a psychiatric crisis clinician.

Yes depressing because I can't just go out and meet people, have conversations and make friends. I have none.

But oh, not depressing because YOU are here and you are telling the truth and because I am here and I am telling the truth and we have created a world we can live in, if only on the internet (for now). I have hope because it is not that we can't connect, it is that we connect differently. All we need do now is create a physical place where we can connect when we need to and not connect when that is best. Then, odds are someone will be there to connect when you are.

Not depressing because there is power in numbers. Not depressing because not alone. Because here I get ideas about what to do and I remember what I have done that worked.

Sorry. I get carried away.

BTW, way back when I was a born again christian Jeremiah 29:11 was one of my all time favorites. Among those folks I always had a social life because they included everyone. So there is an idea - church or other religious groups, if you can stand the hypocrisy.

Arrrh! Mad Jack lives!

Faster than the average intellect. More powerful than a pleasing disposition. Avoids leaping to conclusions at a single bound. Look! On the internet! It's a geek! It's a nerd! It's Neuroman! Yes it's Neuroman, strange visitor from wrong planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of neurotypical men. Neuroman, who can change the course of diagnoses, bend minds with his bare words, and who, disguised as Mad Jack, mild-mannered pirate psychologist and parts collector, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the Logical Way!

(Arrrh!)

Last edited by tinkerjaq on 05 Jul 2005, 1:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find it great because ASDs are one of my favorite interests. And so I can talk and be pedantic all I want!! !

This site doesn't depress me at all nor does having Aspergers, although I do suffer from the comorbid condition of depression. In fact, partly because of the people on WP, I finally have the answer to why I'm so different and why is socializing so frustrating. I've learned to embrace myself for who I am rather than what I thought I was supposed to be. I now take pride in being unique and wouldn't change it for the world.

Ma 137, hi. Just wondering why your boss would be so petty as to try and fire you over a facial expression and a car park. Did you park in somebody's else's park by mistake? Universities seem notorious for not having enough car parks.

I get into trouble for not smiling enough (I only smile when I feel happy, which isn't all that often - usually, I feel just neutral or various degrees of unhappiness).

There's been a bit of trouble where I work. There is a particular woman who wants to be the centre of attention always. Yesterday, she and her friends asked everybody but me if they wanted showbags when they went to the show.

Then today, they went to lunch and guess what, I was the only one not asked. Then she was bragging about how much fun lunch was. I felt like saying you can jam it but then I'd only be dragging myself down to her level. Just about all my workmates know I have AS as I had to give a presentation about it last year (mondo embarrassmento!)

We just did a course on workplace discrimination and harassment and I think it is a joke that these people passed the course and yet are leaving me out. Still, it might not be because of the AS.

Anyway, hoping this isn't boring you. Despite all the hassles associated with being AS, I notice that so-called "normal people" have their full share of problems and stuff-ups and so I wouldn't change who I am. I just wish I had better control of my emotions so I could be more assertive with people and so I could get more done to get the best out of the hand life has dealt me.

I don't find this site depressing.. I find it a place I can turn to for help when no-one else will understnnd.

I still have some issues that I still do feel uncomfortable talking about here.

I feel depressed most of the time, but it has nothing to do with this site. This site usually cheers me up.

depression? wha.... after a decade or so you don't know what a 'normal' or a non depressed state is lol (aside from mania, but this an entirely different matter completely)

edit :: stuck an 'a' in there

Last edited by jmatucd on 05 Jul 2005, 7:41 am, edited 1 time in total.