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Starr
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24 Jul 2007, 9:55 am

agentcyclosarin wrote:
Fictional people.

I find they have more opportunity to analyze their workings and unlike real people they can't walk away or do something that would stop this analytical process because they're not real. Real life people hardly ever catch my interest, most are quite boring and those that aren't well, I don't socialize well.


I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand what you mean agentcyclosarin. If you are criticising me for trying to make sense of what I am experiencing at the moment by 'analytical process' as you call it, well, it's your opinion and you're entitled to it, of course. But I find it's the only way I can find a place on which to stand to stop the ground from shifting under my feet. I make no apologies for it. But maybe I have not understood correctly what you mean. If so, sorry for being sharp with you.
I think it helps to take a detached view of things, for it's the only way I know of making sense of my own craziness, and the behaviour of other people. Maybe NT's don't need to do this, perhaps it's all so obvious to them, but unfortunately I'm not one of that breed, lol.


MomofTom wrote:
My best thoughts on this would be that your hopes and dreams for your person are rooted in respect, admiration and the hopes for good things to come to them. This is unconditional love. Just make sure that you feel the same things toward your husband and all will be good in the world. 8)


I've been thinking about this subject for a while. I'm just living with it, and trying to get my head around the right attitude to take towards it, which MomofTom sums up above. I agree with that.
I know that it's my weirdness and I don't think it would be right to inflict it upon anyone, so I wasn't thinking of actually acting on the obsession, I am just trying to come to terms with it. It's about accepting being irrational, which I think the obsession is. I've never had an obsession with a RL person before and I must admit that it's knocked me sideways! It's horrible. But it has helped a lot to be able to talk about it here at WP.

sax100, you have my sympathy, you really do!

Anyway, I have left the art class. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do that, but it seems the only way to get a little peace of mind. I'm also taking a break from WP for a few days to get my head together, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has posted in this thread for your advice and also sharing your own experiences. I do appreciate it. Thank you.



BlueFireBird
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24 Jul 2007, 3:18 pm

I have just been back to earth, recovering from an obsession with someone.
It is still very tricky to talk about this 'subject'.
I do not trust myself enough to be sure it won't come back again.

Well, after all, no damage was done, to the person and to my self.
Feeling ashamed after realising what I have been doing all this time. It is a wasting of time to go through such an obsession.

In order to prevent myself/to be able to get back sooner on earth I now plan to write a kind of script how to handle in case I am in the middle of such breathtaking brainworks thing again.

Your tips how to get back to life when you have an obsession with someone are more than welcome.
You can read more about all this on my weblog, see below.



Graelwyn
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24 Jul 2007, 4:36 pm

Asparval wrote:
Graelwyn wrote:
With me, people obsessions have always followed the same sort of pattern as would an obsession with a specific topic of interest or collection.
I will find that whenever I am with a friend, I will immediately want to talk about the person I am obsessed with to a point it is a pressure that builds up until I do and I have to really work hard to go onto other topics.
I will find them on my mind when I do anything that I think it might be nice to do with another person.
I will even write poetry dedicated to them, or for them.

Is this very much an aspie thing ?
I suppose I just didn't think about this trait in me until I read about it being a part of AS, especially in females.
Although real life obsessions can be acutely painful if they involve genuine feelings of love(And I believe an aspie can love and become obsessed by the person they love which adds to confusion), they also seem to serve the same purpose as others...they are a relief of stress, they are an escape from other things...and they can be a fact gathering exercise.


Sometimes the smallest most seemingly stupid thing can take on added significance to my AS mind.

When I returned to WP after being away from the board for quite a while I became, not obsessed, but mildly fixated on looking to see what you had posted.

This was absoloutely nothing to do with you (I don't know you) and nothing to do with the content of your posts (although I did find many quite interesting).

It was down to one thing only ~ your user name (Graelwyn) resonated with one of my longest standing obsessions (the first complete Grail story [Parzival by Wolfram Von Eschenbach])

The fact that your user name probably derives from somewhere completely different didn't seem to matter.

It is quite bizarre what my mind can get fixated on sometimes.


Hmm, my username, is connected to the grail actually, but it was not deliberately chosen.
I used to be heavily into spiritual things, and in the beginning of my wanting to get involved in that path, I was stood one day in my ex's and my room, having stood up to get something, when the word 'Graelwyn' came into my head. I assumed it would be spelt that way, going by the phonetic sound, and thus it has been used by me ever since across many boards.

It means 'fine grail' and many have commented on it.
Someone said it is connected to someone in arthurian myth, but if it is, I have yet to find them.
It is Welsh...although I know no Welsh, lol.
I suppose it fits as of course, the grail is very much symbolic of Truth and the quest for Truth...and also of inspiration.



Asparval
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24 Jul 2007, 6:04 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
......... the grail is very much symbolic of Truth and the quest for Truth...and also of inspiration.


I find the subject fascinating. Wolfram wrote the first complete Arthurian Grail romance with his telling of Parzival (or Perceval) in the 13th Century. Reading Wolfram takes you right back to the real meaning of the story, it strips away all the sensationalist crap by Dan Brown etc and it also strips away the later idea of it it being a cup.

In a sense the ideas in Dan Brown's book and his source (he stole his ideas anyway from an earlier book [Holy Blood Holy Grail]), although they were sensationalist crap, carried some small grains of Wolfram. It just annoys me how they claim the ideas are new. This is rubbish. In the first complete telling of the story (that of Wolfram in the 13th Century) it is explicily clear that the story is not about a cup but about a family in crisis because the king has been wounded in the genitals and cannot procreate.

The family is 'rescued' by Parzival the Holy Fool who has no social skills and doesn't realise he carries the bloodline.

Sorry ~ just had to get a bit carried away there :)



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08 Feb 2009, 3:49 am

My obsessions with people have drove me out of my mind so many times. I've been having them since I was in 8th grade. It used to be that I would get the obsession because of something really stupid and I guess I was trying to fill in the unknown. Now my obsessions have evolved to getting obsessed with a particular friend, which was very hard to admit/ embaressing. Im in the middle of my second friend obsession and its driving me nuts. I practically have an insatiable desire to know more about him. Even though there was a particular situation happen(I still dont know if anything is still going on) and I got really hurt(he dosent know) Im still obsessed and it drives me nuts to imagine the unknown. It kinda scares me.



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08 Feb 2009, 5:32 am

I get this alot, and this thread has actually made me think for the first time that perhaps it JUST AN OBSESSION and nothing more. Im always stupid enough to think there is more to it...I dont understand myself.



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08 Feb 2009, 6:38 am

Kilroy wrote:
yes...I have one right now
it causes me no harm...or the other person
I wish with all my heart I could be with that person...
but fate likes to hurt me :cry:


I know what it's like, and I've had that. Speaking to the OP, to be brutally honest, the only way I managed to break that obsession (which has happened twice to me) was to move away from said person and not see them.


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08 Feb 2009, 4:21 pm

I have had quite a few people obsessions, and the last one I didn't hide to well.
His name is C (not giving his full name) I started off not being so nice to him because I thought he was annoying at first, but then I made friends with him and I just wanted to know everything about him and talked about every thing he did, it wasn't a normal crush like people thought it was, it was a real obsession.
And I used to sit with this girl on the bus who is friends with him, and the first thing I used to say was "how is C?" instead of "how are you", which she found funny and not too annoying which is good I guess.
It took me a while to get over it.


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09 Feb 2009, 8:01 pm

I've had plenty of people obsessions.

It would be girls I thought I had some sort of chance of a relationship with.

As contact with these people decreased, I didn't attain any closeness with them in the first place, my obsessions also decreased. Perhaps it was just the passing of time taking care of them.



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09 Feb 2009, 9:54 pm

Yeah, I've had my fair share of secret obsessions with girls from time to time. It obviously started with school where I'd lust over certain girls I hardly knew or talked to. I guess the reason was, I was a young teen with raging hormones so that was normal. Now though, I've started to really want certain girls I do associate with. Whether it's a girl that's simply nice to me or is attractive. There's a certain girl as an example that I have lusted over for a year now. I have to associate with her once in a while so I do know her. Of course, the truth is, she has absoultely no idea that I want her. The way I associate with her, I just talk to her like I'm a regular person who likes her as an acquaintance at best. Sometimes I'm afraid to talk to her and just wait for her to start up a conversation. However, it's best to keep it that way. I've been obsessed with plenty of girls but I hide the secret very well and the girls have no idea I even like them that way. Anytime that certain girl is kind to me and compliments me, it's like a tease to me. I know I probably mean nothing to her. Still, I'm glad I don't stalk her or anything like other guys in my position would probably do. I want to keep it so there's no embarrassments or awkward moments to be had. I wish I had a way where she'd come to me. I still can't help but stare at her for everything second I can. Every time she makes an entrance, I look. I can't stop for as long as she is around, not that I want her to leave.



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09 Feb 2009, 9:57 pm

I've been there numerous times.



irikarah
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10 Feb 2009, 5:32 am

I do this a lot with people who are "new" to me and find really interesting, whether I've met/spoken to them or not. I used to think it was purely sexual, but I'm more inclined to think its that I perceive these people as fulfilling a certain ideal in my mind. Before I know it, I'm daydreaming what these people are like and what sort of conversations we might have. In some cases, I've become friends with someone I'm obsessed with, but by then, I'm usually mellowed out about it and sometimes the reality is so much less than what I'd imagined that I don't know why I ever wanted to talk to them.