Showing Caring to Strangers

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Do you get strong urges usually daily to do or say something caring to someone you don't know or rarely/never spoke to before or you knowthem but u have a feeling they will find it jarring since there was no lead up?


Like not wanting to deal with the social element and that frightens you from maybe being really caring because you don't know how they will take it?


I would prefer asking others to do XYZ thing on my behalf... just because Im scared of having to actually talk to the person. Sometimes Im scared it might come off as anything but platonic and non threatening.


But I still do it usually n it is alwys rough of me or I go OTT trying to change subject and run ASAP.

So sometimes this translates into really abrupt andI guess construed as rude awkward situations.
Like yesterday--after experiencing days of no AC in my home and extreme heAt I went to stay with my brothers till the heat in the house dissipated.

Ths AC had began working once more but it was still hot (29-32 degrees).
So My brother had requested I get him mango juice from a shawarma shop by their home while he watched the kids

As soon as I entered I noticed.
1 no fan or AC
2. Walls n floor were all black
3. Extremely hot even beyond the state of my home prob as they were cooking in the kitchen too

So as soon as the man came out of the kitchen I felt so distressed thinking how he was working in that horrible environment in the heat.
I imagined him getting heat stroke but having to keep at it to keep the business going
Trapped in there during the whole day..

So after he said is that all would u like anything else I said my brother only wanted these drinks.. Then immeditely blurted out that it was very hot.
He was like 'yes it's because of..the heat,'
I didnt know how to say that I was afraid he was going to get heat stroke and needed electrolyte water and how bad I felt ..nor did I know whether that was appropriate or wd make him feel worse..
so I just went
'You might get heatstroke. Bye.'
And left.
Which in itself was really weird of me (but typical)
Then I was really wanting to just go bring a fan from my brother's room and the electrolyte powder and just drop it off without saying anything but didn't want to be creepy..
Then I thought I should ask my brothers to do that but didnr know if they would think it was stupid or get angry that I was bossing thdm around...
So i did nothing.

I do the same to my son's nurses etc i want to say so much but u dont know how to translate those feelings or in a way that is caring without being patronizing or rude seeming.. Because i don't want to go overboard as i repeat myself a lot..if i start talking.

So yeah. Idk what I should have done(????)


and felt guilty since for letting someone suffer in that heat

and wondering if he will be hospitalized if nothing changes..
and if my brothers will listen if i ask them to just drop off their fan...

I dont know how to do it in the moment ny kind of concern or caring stated to someone in a non offensive or annoying way..

n it ends up being like that...

Its hard even with ppl i know...

The guy you mentioned is a survivor. He probably won’t get heatstroke. He is used to the hot environment, though he doesn’t care for it. He knows he has to endure it because of the nature of his business.

Many people in his situation don’t like it when people try to help them. It hurts their “pride.”

I grew up without air-conditioning in a place which is slightly hotter than Ontario in the summer. I had trouble sleeping on many hot nights—but I survived, somehow.

I’ve gotten spoiled over the years, and love my air-conditioning—but I know there will be a time when I lose power or something, and will have to endure the heat.

I thought about pride thing but if u add the heat of a kitchen the heat was like being near an open fire in an enclosed space + extreme heat from sun/heatwave..
I dont know. He had no fan or AC there anywhere. Im sure you can die like that. If being in a hot car can result in animals and children dying... And whatever the hours were.. 11 to 5 at least..

It’s a great thing to be sympathetic/empathetic to people.....let me emphasize that.

A fan is pretty useless in a hot environment—though it does help in ventilation. In the US, you can get a decent fan for about $35 or so—maybe lower.

There are portable air-conditioners that work in rooms without windows. They’re in the hundreds of dollars, though.

It’s true that cars get very hot very quickly in cars.

The best thing to do is to just talk to the guy...but don’t seem too interested in him. Some guys take attention from women “the wrong way.”

I already did.. I had told him he could get heat stroke and left. The just leaving abruptly was what my post is really about..
How to balance when u convey nice sentiment without


1. Going overboard (big tendency of mine) and talking a lot and conveying thoughts too much (no restraint)

2. Being so abrupt out of fear of above ... that u seem rude.


Thought it was better to give a nudge than anything else as such ppl usually don't prioritize their comfort n safety on their own..

This is just an example..

. I just want to know how ppl can be nice to strangers or acquaintances (formal situation not sum1 u know well)

and know how to balance it.
No floods but also not so brief it seems rude..

If anyone knows..

It’s a real balancing act.

It took lots of practice and trial/error on my part.

You have to know when to back off. And when they’d really appreciate the help.

People don’t like to be helped sometimes because they are skeptical of the “helper’s” intentions.

Hi Blooie,

In the past I've felt the same way with strangers. I like to extend charity but can't always find my words. I've found it's best to ask if they would like help. For example a couple of months ago I was in a shop to buy face masks on a very hot day, and there was a homeless or destitute-looking man painstakingly counting out his money at the til to buy his favourite cold drink. He was telling the clerk that he was very hot and tired. I wanted to pay for his drink but he had already counted out the money and it seemed intrusive for me to interfere. I only had my card and no cash so I couldn't offer him money. I said "Is there anything I can buy for you that would help you? You seem very overheated". I ended up buying him two more of the drinks as well a small pack of face masks.

In your situation you might want to go back to the shop sometime and if you see the man in the same situation you could simply ask "Is there a way I can help?" Let him know that you have an extra fan, etc. It's always nice to try helping others if you are able.

Thank you.
Two awesome people completed the gaps in understanding that caused this long-standing worry. Hope to improve

You are too nice.
Stop it.
It is unnatural.

I used to have an overworked conscience, also.
It sounds as though it is a little OCD.
A strong desire to please.
You are very considerate, but I think you should pull back a little.

Did you get enough attention from your parents?