Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 


Do you have friendships that consist entirely of you mirroring the other person’s personality?
Yes 56%  56%  [ 9 ]
No 44%  44%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 16

luluofthevalley
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 10 Sep 2020
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2

12 Sep 2020, 7:10 pm

Does anybody else have friends where whenever you talk to them you immediately unconsciously portray their mannerisms and personality? All my friendships are like this.

For example, I’m naturally calm and reserved, but my best friend is hyper and energetic. I become JUST LIKE THAT whenever I talk to her, even when we’re just talking via text!



neverending
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2020
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: the deep end

04 Oct 2020, 4:52 pm

yes definitely. I copy people a lot because I'm never certain about how to act. and also because I'm very reserved I don't really feel the need to impose or express my personality and interests outward into the world which feels fine to me the majority of the time, until I actually want to bond with someone and find it's extremely difficult because they don't know really know me. I think a lot of people experience this to varying extents, like the struggle between their private and public persona, but I think for autistic people that rely on mimicking/mirroring in social settings it is probably more pronounced. I'm learning to become more discerning as to when I genuinely don't care about forming a bond with someone and can mirror 100% vs. when I want to share something deeper with someone and need to push myself to incorporate self expression and self determination along with mirroring.



neverending
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2020
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: the deep end

04 Oct 2020, 5:13 pm

I wanted to add that I don't think I am being inauthentic or disingenuous when mirroring, I think of it as highly developed talent or skill that is integral to my personality and I wouldn't want to be without it. issues arise for me when it is the only part of my personality I reveal in social settings, particularly when I want to bond on an emotionally intimate level with family, friends, or lovers.



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

05 Oct 2020, 2:09 am

I do unonciously mirror mannerisms - I recently got in trouble for "mocking" a girl's stutter - but not personalities.
Social mimicry is a common coping strategy in the "female-type" Asperger's. It can be useful to go through various situations with less trouble but when you start to disconnect from your real self, it's very dangerous for your mental health (been there).


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


OracleChild
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2020
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

16 Oct 2020, 8:08 pm

I've gotten in trouble for mirroring especially from friends or persons who have only seen me in limited contexts where I am usually reserved. Then they see me with an exuberant friend and they ask me what is wrong with me, why I'm acting so excited. My voice changes and my inhibitions can even disappear. I used to feel hurt because I didn't feel like I was acting or pretending. I was just naturally responding to the energy of the other person. Now I realise that people were only reacting to something that did not make sense to them. I have been accused of "not having a strong personality", "not having any personality" or being "too easily influenced". I am awful at accents but I when I speak with someone it seems that I often mirror their accent. I am unaware that I am doing it and in the past when it was pointed out to me I always thought that if it was indeed true then it was just a natural attempt at communicating effectively with someone who otherwise might not understand my accent. Now I know that it was not only that :D



martianprincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jun 2019
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,048
Location: Kansas

26 Oct 2020, 12:41 pm

It's happened before, particularly when I was younger.
I don't really try to have friendships for the most part, they are mostly an obligation to me and I don't need any more of those in my life as it stands. lol


_________________
The phone ping from a pillow fort in a corn maze
I don't have a horse in your war games
I don't even really like horses
I like wild orchids and neighbors with wide orbits