chris1989 wrote:
I am seem to think that probably everybody has at some point gone to crazy parties and clubs and get drunk even those people who don't see it has their ''thing'' like me. To be honest, I have never got drunk on alcohol and only went to one nightclub to see a family friend's friend playing in a band on stage and I found it uncomfortable with all the flashing lights and stuff and stayed outside most of the night I was there. I feel if I was to do these things again at 31 after this pandemic its too late even though as I said its not for me. I seem to think it is a MUST-DO requirement for young people to have a good time and have fun and it annoys me that those who I don't like the partying at a club and stuff are seen as ''sad'' and ''weird'' and ''loners who will never find a man or a woman''.
I tried to party and fit in. Problem was, I was trying to do it with strangers at night clubs. I got a few dances with girls and a few dates. I kind of learned to pretend to have that experience partially. Don't discount the experience, but don't idealize it either. Some cute girls who partied were losers who ended up being raped and depressed for the next twenty years without a good job and lonely like one woman who was fifty in my therapy group. Others, partied and ended up dating a lot and they married one of the people they partied with and had children. Partying does open up social opportunities and gives you an out of your mind transformative experience that helps bond socially with friends and helps with dating. However, some NT people don't party and they party in less standard ways without alcohol or nightclubs, for example by traveling or going out to a restaurant with friends. As an aspie, you miss out in every stage of life from kindergarten, through teenage hood and your thirties and into your seventies and eighties. The social structure and hierarchy remains constant and does not change. You have to look for self esteem and create your own 'party'.
You can go to a bar or a night club that invites an older mixed crowd when pandemic has ended. Don't do anything stupid, but you can place yourself there physically and hope to strike a conversation with someone. That is the point of going out to these places, or to take your friend group there as a place to socialize with you friends. You can still have this experience partially is what I am saying, but it takes a long time and not necessarily worth the effort. Another option is to try taking a social dancing class like salsa dancing or ballroom dancing. They have a mix of party atmosphere without appearing creepy by being the older person. Older people like to party too. It can be lonely too though in these dance places. Good luck. Keep trying and working on your self esteem!