Understanding what "ASEXUALITY" is

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I had published on my autistic YouTube channel "Aspie With Attitude" talking about my true sexual orientation which is ASEXUAL.

I had admit that I have absolute no interest in taking part of any sexual activities and I have no sexual attraction towards other people whether if it's the opposite sex or the same sex. I have absolute no capability of falling in love and even have no interest in romantic relationships.

Since I live my life wearing hoodies, regular t-shirts and trackie pants, I had even admitted that if I had my chance to perhaps go out on a date with a women or the same sex, it's likely that I will wear full Adidas Originals tracksuits on dates instead of wearing something what people wear on dates from the mainstream point of view like really dress up as if I was attending to someone else's Wedding.

Being autistic and asexual is all part of who I am, it's my life and believe it or not, I somewhat find happiness in life being this way.

It beats dealing with traumas of breaking up with partners like divorce or just breaking up with a partner I would most likely to obsess about, the pain and struggle raising a family only if I had children and all sorts of living pressures involved in providing money for my children's future, being ASEXAUL makes me feel free from most of those living pressures and having to compromise with my partner.

Not everyone gets dressed up for dates.

Honestly I don't understand what the big deal is with online asexuals. Are there people trying to coerce you all into having sex? When I don't want to do something, I simply don't do it; I don't make a big deal out of an identity about not doing stuff and talk about it a ton online, so I don't understand why there is so much asexual discourse and why people bother with asexual forums and stuff. Do you all have any political issues?

Also I doubt that asexuality has anything to do with the desire for kids. People adopt; sex isn't required.

^ Sexuality is a big part of society and culture.

Not having a sexuality creates a unique experience that we enjoy sharing with like-minded individuals.

IMO, people who think asexuality isn't a real concept just need to understand some of the facts about it.

A fellow autistic asexual! Glad to see more of us around here. And yes, asexuality is a legitimate sexuality as those above me have said.

If any asexuals don't mind me asking a couple of questions: Do you feel the same towards all genders? Do you ever feel left out or, like the OP says, is it just a nice easy feeling of not being interested? Do you care if someone is attracted to you?

I’m what I call triple A - asexual, aromantic, and agender.

I do indeed feel the same toward all genders. I can think either one looks nice and have just enough preference for male/masculine “eye candy” to know that if I were sexual/romantic, men would most likely be my preference there, but really, gender doesn’t make a difference to me.

I do feel “left out,” having romantic relationships, well, romanticized and shoved in my face and it being such a huge part of most people’s lives, and it does make me sad to know that I’ll never have that. But that’s really because of being aromantic/unable to feel love, I don’t feel the same way about sex.

I feel extremely awkward if I think anyone might be attracted to me, because I really don’t know what to do. But it does probably contribute to me being completely and utterly non-judgmental about other people’s sexuality/romanticism, because it’s all the same to me - as long as you leave me alone, I really couldn’t care less about who you find romantically/sexually attractive.

I have no sexual interest towards any gender. I haven't had any romantic experiences yet though. I don't feel left out, because frankly, sex disgusts me. If someone is attracted to me, we should talk it out and figure out what kind of attraction it is first.

My NT sister identifies herself as asexual, but our bigoted uncles both believe asexuality isn't real and that she is using her age as an excuse for not wanting a boyfriend.

Can anyone give me any tips on how to convince our bigoted uncles into believing otherwise?

Thanks!

This really fascinates me because I think there's a lot I could probably learn about this side of the human condition if I can really think of the right questions.


One of the things I can say about being sexual, in my own life, is that there are a lot of traps and rationalizations - such as wanting to talk to a given member of the opposite sex over what seems like an abstract instinct (they're interesting), then you see they're musically oriented (some explanation), then you realize that they're ignoring you, then you realize - your attempt to talk to them was a sexual advance, whether you wanted to admit it to yourself or not, or whether you believed it yourself or not, that it was rejected as such because they saw it clearly even if you deceived yourself... it can be really agonizing just on how reductionistic it is almost like I'm forced to admit 'If she's attractive, I want to talk to her, and I don't know her, and she didn't approach me, it literally means I want to shag her, whether I believe it or not' - or at least, on every social level it's true whether I believed it or not, which means if I had no sexual interest in her then I did something backward or completely off the map of sanity by trying to talk to her because by social convention you don't talk to attractive people of the opposite sex whom you don't know unless that's your intent.

In that sense sexuality is really a vicious Kafka trap with respect to communication, circumscribed limitations, and it trickles outward to pretty much bring down the arms race for status, a lot of the pettiness and brutality people have over how much $$ you make, what you do for a living, who you have the right to be in the presence of based on your social status, etc.


What has to be absolutely brutal for asexuals as I'm getting it, just from the vicious complexity above, it's tough to imagine that you wouldn't trip over those 'social league' landmines constantly - simply because it's not in your schema to think about them because you're not trying to get in anyone's pants but then everyone projecting on to you that either a) you are trying to get in their pants and are lying about it, b) are trying to get in their pants but just don't know it, or c) are creating a go-nowhere social interaction because the only purpose it can serve is getting in their pants and yet that isn't your goal.


That last point was really more declarative than anything but maybe here the sort of question I was thinking of earlier - what's finding (personality-wise) core cohesion and direction in life like, or finding solidity to your identity?

One of the things I notice from being sexual - so much of what I'd consider the sacred, the mystical, the transcendental, a lot of what moves me in life seems to be - in some way, shape, or form - abstractions of anima projection (anima/animus being the Jung term for the hidden parts of yourself that map on to characteristics that you'll find attractive in the gender of your preference). I get the impression that if asexual you wouldn't instinctively feel from that as if something like 'Gods spotlight' is shining on certain people around you to get you to pay attention to them.


Sorry if that was a bit long, it's just an interesting topic and one where I'd love to know more about the deeper experience of reality outside of the sexual frame.

Love the last post, since as an ace, I never really knew how sexuals work. And your post describes it quite nicely :3

Might be why I always felt I'm not really a human, since I have no reason to compete with others. So I don't compete, which I think makes me an abomination even for autistic... :3


Yep, exactly, had people try to have sex with me suddenly, and it got me very confused... Let's just say I've learned the hard way to never ever touch humans or spend 'night' with them, it's a trap and they will surely try to copulate... :3


Identity is an interesting thing, I don't think I have any? Like any other animal, I look for food, shelter, security and enrichment, and these things give me kind of direction. Is 'identity' useful for any of those though?


Exactly, nothing ever 'shone' on anyone, so I don't pay attention to people.


The closest I have to sexuality are my kinks. But they are completely unrelated to gender or "feeling attracted to someone". And I had them even as a kid, so I'm not even sure if that counts?

That reminds me of me. I'm grey-asexual, and the only attraction I feel is in the context of my kinks. I, too, have had at least some of my kinks since childhood.

I just figured out I am ace within the past year. I had no idea how much allos actually think about sex, and how it can drive a conversation with someone new. If someone seems nice, I'll talk to them. I can be friends with any gender. The problem comes when someone else is interested in me. I don't know if it's my asexuality or my autism, or both, but I cannot tell when someone is interested. On several occasions people had to flat out tell me because I didn't pick up on their hints.

Sex is something I just assumed people did when they got close romantically. I never think about it, I never have a drive for it, but I don't have a problem participating. Just not too frequently.

I had uploaded a fresh new video on "ASEXUALITY".

Think of someone you aren't attracted
to. Now imagine that is how you feel
about everyone.

Thats the best way I’ve heard of to describe asexuality.

Is it really 'just' that or are there significant second and third-order consequences? I think it's those that are probably the most interesting, ie. that their minds have to organize themselves around something other than sex and that said organization has to be durable enough to get them through life without a massive carrot guiding their every move or giving them the shot in the arm to go storm the hill of status hierarchies.