What’s your definition of a Relationship?

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skiddlebugz
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19 Dec 2020, 7:28 pm

So I have a question for y’all, what’s your personal definition of relationship?
My definition is like we got to date for a little bit (maybe a 6 months or so, maybe less) and then consider becoming a full relationship when we think we know each other well enough to make things official. We have a deeper connection and are considering marriage later down the road.
Reason I’m asking is because this guy i met on bumble (Dating app) said he isn’t ready for a relationship, he just wants to date for a bit and get a good enough job to take care the both of us and saying we will need to spend time with each other, like many years to understand each other.
That kind of sound like marriage to me but seems like that explanation is his personal definition of a relationship. I didn’t argue with him and said i understood but it just made me wonder if we had different definitions of what a relationship is. Maybe someone has a different definition than him and i? He’s 21 (22 in feb) and i just turned 22 on dec 8th but i don’t think that may affect anything.


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19 Dec 2020, 7:35 pm

The defination of a relationship on a dating site here in the UK is when a couple have sex outside of marriage.

Courting is what we call a couple being together kissing and cuddling but not having sex, and waiting to be married.

Dating is going out with a lady (Or a man) to see if she (Or he) is suitable for courting etc.



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19 Dec 2020, 7:40 pm

Sounds a bit questionable if he is blaming a for a reason to not be serious. I have talked to several people on dating apps who claimed to be trying to get a better job but currently couldn't buy food without my help



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20 Dec 2020, 1:29 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
The defination of a relationship on a dating site here in the UK is when a couple have sex outside of marriage.
Things can be very confusing on that here in the US. Sometimes people have sex during or at the end of the 1st date. If there is nothing more after that, it could be called a One Night Stand. It is also possible for people to have relationships without sex. Like people who are waiting for marriage for religious, moral, &/or personal reasons, Or if one or both of them has a medical condition that makes sex difficult, Or if one or both is on the asexuality spectrum. People can also have serious Long Distance Relationships where they are not able to have sex because they cant meet up or meet up privately for whatever reasons.

Mountain Goat wrote:
Courting is what we call a couple being together kissing and cuddling but not having sex, and waiting to be married.
The closest term I can think of here in the US is Going Steady. It's an older term that is practically never used nowadays. I only know it from watching some old black & white programs. Sometimes the couple would use that term within a week of 1st going on a date. It was funny watching a girl using that term after literally only one date with the guy & then they break up during the week & she is going out with a different guy the next weekend & using that term with him after the date :lol: I really do not understand people sometimes :? They get love & infatuation all mixed up & can talk about being serious with each other practically rite after 1st meeting each other only for one or both to suddenly change their minds after a bit. I would also bet that a lot of time when that term was used by the couple, the couple was having sex but were not public about that. Having sex outside of marriage used to be extremely frowned upon here. It's like the time of Prohibition, lots would make alcohol for themselves or buy it underground but they could not be public about their drinking.

Mountain Goat wrote:
Dating is going out with a lady (Or a man) to see if she (Or he) is suitable for courting etc.
That term is also confusing here in the US. There can be lots of grey area. People use that term in the early stages when they are trying to get to know each other & determine if they can & want to enter an official relationship. However people can also use that term when they are in an official romantic relationship but have not officially gotten engaged yet. At that point the terms Boyfriend & Girlfriend can also be used as well. It"s also possible for married couples to have Date Nights where they are romantic with each other.

I'm gonna murky up the water even worse now & say that Friends With Benefits can also be a type of relationship. It can be a mostly sexual thing for them or it can really be two friends who like hanging out together who also sometimes have sex with each other. It is also possible for a FWB thing to become an official romantic relationship like BF & GF or get engaged or married without having been in an official romantic relationship.

Considering all this confusion, I think it is important for the couple or potential couple to have a talk with each other about what they want & need from a relationship & each other & what terms they want to use. They should not need to make a decision when they 1st meet each other or anything thou. They can get to know each other some 1st but neither should assume that the other wants the same thing unless they had specified at some point. It is also common for people to want things to change so honest communication is important.

skiddlebugz wrote:
Reason I’m asking is because this guy i met on bumble (Dating app) said he isn’t ready for a relationship, he just wants to date for a bit and get a good enough job to take care the both of us and saying we will need to spend time with each other, like many years to understand each other.
That kind of sound like marriage to me but seems like that explanation is his personal definition of a relationship.
It sounds to me like the guy might be open to having a long-term relationship but he currently does not plan to entertain the idea of marriage for a long time. Maybe he's afraid of commitment or getting screwed over. Perhaps he might be open to the idea of moving in with someone after a while but perhaps not. He may just want to play the field & keep his options open. I would ask him more detailed questions about what he may want in the future. It would suck to get strung along thinking he would want marriage after a bit when he has no intention of ever tying the knot. Don't just assume, ask.


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20 Dec 2020, 8:48 am

Here are my definitions

Relationship - the connection / relation between two or more individuals or concepts. If someone tells me they are in a relationship then I will assume it is the romantic kind unless stated otherwise. A romantic relationship does not require sex but sex can be involved. The reverse is also true, sex can be involved outside of a romantic relationship.

Dating- the actions and behaviour involved in a romantic relationship. Typically before marriage but marriage isn't a requirement. Usually implies a level of casualness.

Friends with benefits- I would consider this a form of an open romantic relationship, but one that is even more casual than dating. Typically this is a situation where two people that were in a platonic friendship have developed feelings for one another and aren't sure if they want to remain friends or start dating. This can be transitionary period from a friendship to an official relationship but there's no telling which direction this unofficial relationship is going in until it goes that way.

An unofficial relationship- a connection between people that has not been confirmed.

An official relationship- a connection between people that has been confirmed.

Courting - an old-fashioned term for dating. Typically with stricter rules such as asking for the permission of the other person's parents and having a curfew and / or someone to escort you to dates to make sure the two of you behave.


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20 Dec 2020, 9:12 am

Falling in love, being faithful or having a serious conversation about not doing (open relationship) & what that constitutes, putting love before sex, having serious conversations about other things which matter to you, meeting the family or a serious conversation about why not, becoming each other's 'significant other', possible discussion of moving in together.

Essentially as an adult, a relationship = a marriage or a common law marriage.

Dating puts having fun/sex first and means you're not really open to making the other person a serious part of your life.

Dating should come first, then some form of relationship then you get married if you want. You don't know the person so the idea of settling down w all that serious stuff first before you get to know the person is a foolish idea. What he's saying is, at this precise moment, he cannot imagine it going to the next step - a relationship or the step after - you're not going to marry him.

Up to you whether you want this or not.


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20 Dec 2020, 11:01 am

I'm confused too OP. Your descriptions sound similar. Both sound like, "lets see how it goes and maybe it will turn serious once we get to know each other better."

Saying you want to provide for someone is quite heavy for a pre-date conversation. At least he's not a player.



quite an extreme
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20 Dec 2020, 12:19 pm

Bravo5150 wrote:
Sounds a bit questionable if he is blaming a for a reason to not be serious. I have talked to several people on dating apps who claimed to be trying to get a better job but currently couldn't buy food without my help

Sounds like scammers. Never pay for whatever before you have met the people in real life.



Bravo5150
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20 Dec 2020, 1:20 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
Bravo5150 wrote:
Sounds a bit questionable if he is blaming a for a reason to not be serious. I have talked to several people on dating apps who claimed to be trying to get a better job but currently couldn't buy food without my help

Sounds like scammers. Never pay for whatever before you have met the people in real life.


Catfish can sometimes be a good source of entertainment. I haven't been to a dating site in a while, but if I do go on one and have a sob story about needing money, I usually come up with an even better reason that I need money from them or something else extremely creative to explain why I can't send anything.



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20 Dec 2020, 4:23 pm

skiddlebugz wrote:
So I have a question for y’all, what’s your personal definition of relationship?
My definition is like we got to date for a little bit (maybe a 6 months or so, maybe less) and then consider becoming a full relationship when we think we know each other well enough to make things official. We have a deeper connection and are considering marriage later down the road.
Reason I’m asking is because this guy i met on bumble (Dating app) said he isn’t ready for a relationship, he just wants to date for a bit and get a good enough job to take care the both of us and saying we will need to spend time with each other, like many years to understand each other.
That kind of sound like marriage to me but seems like that explanation is his personal definition of a relationship. I didn’t argue with him and said i understood but it just made me wonder if we had different definitions of what a relationship is. Maybe someone has a different definition than him and i? He’s 21 (22 in feb) and i just turned 22 on dec 8th but i don’t think that may affect anything.


-Your age difference is "non-existent".
-Yes, everyone has, or 'should" have, their own personal definition of what a relationship is.
-People need to define/disclose what they want out of a relationship.
-Getting to profoundly know someone takes time.
-Getting to a point of commitment takes time.
-Different people have different levels of ability in assessing relationships. 8)



Pepe
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20 Dec 2020, 4:25 pm

Bravo5150 wrote:
Sounds a bit questionable if he is blaming a for a reason to not be serious. I have talked to several people on dating apps who claimed to be trying to get a better job but currently couldn't buy food without my help


That is an obvious scam. 8)



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20 Dec 2020, 4:29 pm

relationship (n):

1. the state of being related or interrelated

2. the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such as
a : kinship
b : a specific instance or type of kinship

3a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings had a good relationship with his family
3b : a romantic or passionate attachment

:D The Merriam-Webster Dictionary is your friend!


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Bravo5150
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20 Dec 2020, 4:33 pm

Pepe wrote:
Bravo5150 wrote:
Sounds a bit questionable if he is blaming a for a reason to not be serious. I have talked to several people on dating apps who claimed to be trying to get a better job but currently couldn't buy food without my help


That is an obvious scam. 8)


Catfish can sometimes be a good source of entertainment. Is fun to come up with creative reasons why I can't send money.



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20 Dec 2020, 9:10 pm

People can be friends with benefits without having romantic feelings. I had such a friend once. I was not interested in him apart from the lust and skill.

Long distance people can have sex too. Online relationship people can sext, phone sex, cam sex, sex roleplay involving touch/striptease/anything you can think of, tell each other how to touch themselves/use their toys, watch/read porn together, etc.

Commitment is a choice [like trust can be], therefore time isn't necessary for it to happen. It is distinguishable from attachment.
I have done it this way, committing without time. Many people may be afraid and unsure about the safety of the person/scared if their feelings actually will develop, which were some of my concerns when getting into a committed relationship with new friends who asked me out.

There are more substantial benefits to being platonic friends for a while and building a friendship before adding the rest, there are however pros and cons to both. I have eventually gotten complaints of this not happening even when people asked me out themselves in their own time and preference.



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21 Dec 2020, 6:03 pm

My definition of a relationship is two people learning about each other and growing together to create a place where we live in harmony. We date at first to get to know each other and then as we get closer to one another we decide to make it an official relationship(how long depends on the person, me personally I would say 6-10 months should be enough time). Afterwards we talk about our future and learn more about one another and grow together possibly moving in with each other(1-2 years)
Afterwards we can hopefully talk about marriage and the rest of our lives(simplified).

Anyway my definition of a relationship is to respect, love, and grow with each other and eventually become one: mind, body, and soul.(figuratively). I will admit the definition is intense but, I take my relationships seriously.


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21 Dec 2020, 6:39 pm

How would you all feel if the question posed was: What's your definition of a DECENT relationship?

A "relationship," good and bad, involves daily interaction between at least one person and at least one other person. It can also between animals, too. A dog can certainly have a relationship with another dog, or with a person, or with some other being.