Do you panic about what to do? (context explained in thread)
Okay so, it's hard to describe the context I have in mind in a way that people can identify as a relatable experience, so please bear with me.
Sometimes I'll be in a social situation where I experience like a mild panicky confusion/disorientation about what I should be doing. I don't know if this is trauma-related but I suspect it might be. As an example, I could be standing around a group of people at like a party or gathering, and suddenly I'll start mildly panicking, and my thought content is something like: "What's going on?! What should I be doing right now?! Did I do or not do something I should/shouldn't have?!" and after a few moments of anxiously analyzing the environment, I will be able to step back and reassure myself that it is mostly okay.
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Autistic (self-identified)
Open source, free software, and open knowledge geek
GoLang, Python, & SysAdmin aspirant
RPG enthusiast
Has OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD
For me it can be "What do I say in order that I can fit in and not stand out in an awkward silence?"
Often I turn to saying jokes or silly things which can make it worse. Somehow others seem to know when or when not to talk and what to say. This is something where I seem to put my foot in it a little? Uhmmm.
I don't panic in those situations, but I think I know what you mean. Sometimes people seem to be throwing off subtle clues that they expect me to be doing something I'm not doing, and sometimes I'll be doing nothing and will remember that normies watch people a lot and will likely notice if I don't meet their expectations.
It's annoying, it's dangerous in some situations, it doesn't benefit me, and it seems all but unavoidable, so I've stopped bothering with most social situations.
Yeah, like part of the thought process is that I might have missed some social cue that I was expected to act on. I think panic was poor choice of word. It's more like anxiety about not picking up on something that was expected, overthinking subtle social cues and not knowing if they are false positives, etc. Sometimes I'll realize what the intention was behind a social cue only retrospectively, in that I picked it up at the time it was given, but either over- or under-interpreted it, and only later realized what the intention was while replaying the situation in my head some time later. The problem is that in the moment, my processing of social cues is heavily influenced by my anxiety and paranoia, which throws off my accuracy in interpreting them.
_________________
Autistic (self-identified)
Open source, free software, and open knowledge geek
GoLang, Python, & SysAdmin aspirant
RPG enthusiast
Has OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD
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