Can't tune strangers' conversations out

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This is something that's affected most of my life.

At the moment due to lockdowns & my family treating the whole thing like a lockdown, it only affects me with family conversations had at the park & on the street.

In normal times, it affects things especially if I go out to eat with friends or family.
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If strangers are having a conversation next to me, I can't hear what the people on my table are saying.

I've had a hearing test and apart from one particular high pitch, my hearing is good. In fact, it's better than average for my age and I'm still fairly young.

So it's all about tuning out.

The only way that I can handle it is if strangers are quieter than the people on my table or in my group.
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At the moment this looks like if I'm on the same stretch of street as two strangers who are chatting to each other, I hear every word they say. If mum tries to speak and is quieter than they are, my mind doesn't tune into what she's saying. It tunes into them.

It annoys me. But I know on a rational level at least that it's not their fault. It's a peculiarity of how my mind works. Most of the time they're just talking at normal volume.

I hate missing out on what someone I care about is saying. It makes me feel guilty, like I'm not listening well enough. And honestly it makes me feel cross at the strangers. I don't care about their conversations, I wish they would shut up tbh.

I need a way to make it so that I can tune it out. But this has been a problem that's persisted since childhood. Or I need a way to explain to people who aren't my parents/family that this is what's going on, without sounding like an 'eavesdropper' or 'strange'. And a way to convince my family to not talk to me in that kind of situation because I can't hear them.
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Mum's solution at the moment is, wait for the people to pass. Then have a conversation on our own after that. But that can't be achieved in a restaurant in 2022 as easily as it can a quiet street in 2020. When things go back to normal, things will get noisy again and I won't tune out well enough

I've had the same problem my whole life! My family knows the routine. I tell friends and new people that I have hypersensitive hearing and a processing disorder, and they seem much more willing to accommodate those things than Asperger's.

I try to find the most isolated spot I can when we arrive somewhere. If strangers invade my space anyway at a cafe or restaurant (why do they do this when you're obviously trying to get away?!?) I'll just ask if we can change tables. It's a bit of a hassle and it makes me look a little fussy, but I've had to stop caring what strangers think.

If you can't physically relocate, sometimes focusing on the person's lips while they talk helps me to process what they're saying better. I guess I've learned to read lips, too.

Yes. This is one of the things that makes me fairly certain I have ASD, although I am undiagnosed. I was baffled, in my late teens and twenties as to why people liked pubs and bars. I couldn't understand how they were able to hold conversations in places like that. If there's more than one conversation going on I cannot understand a thing. I'm aware of all the voices, but my brain is absolutely incapable of turning any of the noises into sensible words - it's just a wall of sound to me and incredibly isolating. As I've grown older I've noticed its not just other conversations, but more or less any low-level background noise that interferes with my ability to process speech.

I don't know that there's a 'fix' for it. Before I knew what was going on I'd tend to withdraw into myself under such circumstances, feel miserable and eventually leave (usually without letting anyone know I was going). Since I've become conscious of what's going on I simply try to avoid the situation, or remove myself earlier (when I'm still capable of announcing my intention to leave so it isn't so weird).

As I understand it, this is a typical autism trait.
My mother (undiagnosed) had the same problem and her doc told her it was because she had too good hearing.
I have the same problem and my hearing is so good they don't seem to be able to measure it, I get every tone! (Which is kinda strange considering all loud conserts I've been to, and the noisy work I've done)
I have no advice.

/Mats

I can't tune a lot of sounds out, including multiple people talking. When I was in the car earlier the windows were down a bit and hearing the cars passing us while my mom was talking was so overwhelming.

Yep. Me too.

Only when I read or are able to focus deeply on one issue can I tune out. I use this to tune out my own brain in a way, to think, my mind tends to just rumble on in a loop for the most part remembering bad things if left on its own.