Dealing w/ people who argue about suspected ASD

Post Reply New Topic

Maybe this is a big reason to get a diagnosis, so you can shut arguers up. Until then, how do you handle well-meaning people who argue that you couldn't be on the spectrum without being rude? I've heard all sorts of stupid reasons as I'm sure everyone has. It makes me feel invalidated and belittled. My problem is that I can't remember the facts. I can't even remember a lot of the details about MY SHOW, like I am obsessed with it and have a list of the details that I look at, or fact-keeper friends that I ask. Because of that, I've always been treated by NTs like I'm less intelligent. Many don't men to be hurtful, they just are. So, does anyone have a quick, standard response they use that shuts people up without calling them out for being ignorant. I figure those who are regularly in my life will be schooled soon enough once I have (assuming I do) a diagnosis.

"You're a licensed autism diagnostician? I didn't know. Where did you get your doctorate?"

A diagnosis will probably help with this, but some people might still tell you that you can't possibly be autistic and that you were misdiagnosed.

Pretty much all you can do is explain to them that they're not autism experts, probably just know autism from some stereotypical depictions in movies or from a very obviously autistc person they've met if they've ever met one and that the condition is a lot more diverse than they think. Maybe explain to them that many social things that are intuitive to them take a lot more effort and conscious thinking for you (if that's true for you) or give them an example of a symptom you have that's something they won't perceive as 'normal' (although this can be tricky as a tiny bit of pretty much anything can be 'normal' and you'd need to convey the unusual extent). If you figure out one good example you can use beforehand you might not have the problem of needing to remember the whole diagnostic criteria in the moment.

I try to use such incidents as teaching moments, if the person seems to be saying that from ignorance. Some people will tell you "you are not autistic" to "console" you, or to comfort you, because they are not really understanding the usefulness of diagnosis, and not understanding the true nature of autism. It is not what they are 'thinking' it is. Other times I just ignore it. Most people seem to say that deny possible autism to try to assure others that they are "not like that". Ignorance, social stigma, etc can be helped through enlightenment. I tend to get into fewer random conversations where "my autism" is discussed because I do not bring it up as a topic for discussion among strangers in most circumstances. On the other hand, if I overhear random comments in public and I know the statement is wrong or biased, etc, I will speak out and correct or try to inform the one who spoke that way. Sometimes its not worth the effort. Choose your battles. Some folks you might just as well save your energy on.

The vast majority of people who have strong opinions that I didn't have ASD, were people who really didn't have a clue as to what they are talking about.

I also have met a number of General Practitioner Medical Doctors that also do not have a clue as to what Asperger Syndrome is. Some, because they have one patient with ASD may also tell people they are well experienced at treating people with ASD.

This does not mean that they have specialist qualifications in this area, or that they have treated their patient with good knowledge of the subject. It usually simply means they have a one patient with ASD who they most likely are mistreating due to their lack of understanding on the subject.

What makes matters worse is that some of the UK organisations for General Practitioners, such as the Royal General Practitioners Association, actually do a short online course for GP's who want to get a paper certificate that gives the impression that they have a clue about the condition.

I actually took this course myself, and qualified in flying colours (although i had to pretend to be a GP in order to do so).
The course was to say the least, extremely flimsy and wouldn't give anyone any more than an extremely basic knowledge of the subject.

Nonetheless, to answer your question.

Perhaps you could ask them what qualifications they have in the area, as from your research,
you have found that ASD is an extremely complex neurological developmental disorder that takes an experienced
clinical psychologist who specialises in the specific area of Autism Spectrum Disorder to evaluate and diagnose a person with ASD.

That is the exact truth.

You: Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Other: Introvert.

You: How do you know?

Other: Because...

You: And the same is true for why I call myself autistic: I learnt about it and evaluated myself.

You know, sometimes the best course of action is not education or arguing or showing a diagnosis letter. Sometimes the best response, especially in the case of people who are not really in your life, is just "Oh, you may be right. I'll have to look into that." or "Hmm, I hadn't thought about that in that way." and break off the conversation.
No matter what you say or do, if they think they know better than you, they likely always will think that. So... Leave ignorance to itself. Much easier, hurts less.

I've suspected I've been on the spectrum since High School, whenever I tell people their like "You don't look like you have autism." I'm now in my 20s and can't find anyone to diagnosis adults. Anyway, I usually don't say anything because I'm too introverted to do so, it's irritating there's no look to autism autism is a spectrum and we all look different I think people have this idea of what autism is based on what they've seen on T.V. especially being a woman when majority of autistic people you see in media are males may play a factor into it also.

They're giving you a compliment. Just be gracious and accept it. Maybe you need Anger management.

I would guess that If somebody argues that you can't be on the spectrum, they're expressing bafflement, because you appear normal to them, and therefore equal, and so when you claim you are mentally disabled they resent being fooled and cognitive dissonance sets in, and then denial and disbelief, and they just can't accept it, because you appear normal to them.

Don't challenge them, just move on. its not a big deal. why get so upset. is Autism such a critical part of your identity? Why the need to prove yourself, so to speak. In their eyes. Have you tried looking into Anger management , or maybe social skills lessons? That would alleviate your inter-personal problem.

The biggest hurdle for many is convincing oneself one is in the spectrum after a lifetime believing otherwise. This is the predicament facing lots of people dx in later life. Integrating this revelation is not easy let alone convincing others.