So lonely it hurts.

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He he. . . I'm a dance geek, so it's nice to be of use.

For your first visit to a new class, just wear something you can move in; sweats and a T shirt are fine for most things, normal clothes for partner dancing. Have a look at what everyone else is wearing, and ask the teacher if you aren't sure.

If you take anything other than traditional "couple" dances- salsa, swing, and various sorts of ballroom- or hip hop, you can expect to be one of a very few guys there.

Also, dancers are sometimes more touchy-feelie as a group than the population at large- where I dance, it's not uncommon to encounter random minor cuddling, back rubs, and a lot of hugs- so if you're sensitive about that, be aware.

From reading your post, I highly recommend ballroom dancing. Here are the reasons:

1. Girls in our culture seem to like to dance a lot more than guys. Therefore, in ballroom- where even numbers are required- guys are seriously, seriously treasured. Some of the guys I danced with last year, when I was doing a lot of ballroom, were the same socially backwards nerds I would see in my science and math classes, but in the studio they were generally surrounded by women far more accomplished and attractive than myself. It's quite common for one guy to have two or three partners for competition; if he's particularly good, even more. In this bizarre and socially unbalanced world, you can get away with a lot more mistakes as you are learning the rules because you will be valued.

2. Ballroom is the best dancing for non-dancers to start with. It requires less physical/kinesthetic skill to start off with than any other form of dance I'm aware of- and I've studied ballroom, ballet, modern dance, African dance, a little bit of belly dancing, a little Tahitian hula, a little break dancing, hip hop, and jazz. If you can walk and you have any sense of timing, you have what it takes to start in ballroom. After that, the important thing is finding a teacher who can break things down for you, so that you can create the details that make it look really good- but if you work at it, you can get there.

3. Because ballroom is dominated by guys who start out geeky and women who, while I'd hate to call them NT, are definitely not aspie, a lot of the social conventions and "unwritten rules" in the ballroom world are easier to learn than those in other places. A lot of the more traditional, identifiable ways of being masculine and charming are still considered cool in ballroom; chivalry is in, good breath is in, highly groomed is encouraged, rather than making people think you're gay. Drop your partner and you buy her a steak dinner. More important than the specifics of these details is the fact that they are talked about, and talked about a lot.

4. I'm weird, so I can see that you might not want to take this just from me, but dancing, especially skilled dancing, is sexy in a man. How sexy varies from woman to woman, but I think a significant majority of us- and a larger majority among those of us who dance- agree.

5. You learn about movement that will be useful to you. There's the "projecting confidence" thing, which will be emphasized a lot, and there's the "sensitivity to contact and interaction with your partner" thing, which is pretty much hard for everyone to learn, but which is incredibly attractive when a guy is good at it. Ballroom myth says it predicts how good a guy is in bed, but I've never tested it out. I'd believe it, though.

6. It will be easier to develop confidence when surrounded by people who appreciate your efforts at every stage.

and finally

7. Out of all the dance classes you could take, ballroom classes are the ones where you're most likely to find girls that are interested in other things besides dancing. The possible exception to this would be hip hop.

Anyway, didn't mean to make this a million year pitch for my obsession, but if you can find it, and you can handle the first bit, where you're getting your bearings, it seems like it might be what you're looking for.

In any case, good luck, and hope everything turns out well.

Also- I'm sure this was obvious- but if you have any other dance questions I'd Love to answer them.

Oh dance! how cool.

I've done ballroom up to the bronze (didn't go for it though)... before swapping and doing swing. I originally took it up to overcome touch aversion (and I must say it has worked). While I still get creeped out I am so used to being creeped out now that I don't mind it all that much. But I now do swing exclusively. Apart from already being in love with the music, it's just so damn cool.

I lindy hop About to take special side classes in balboa and collegiate shag ... Unfortunatley I am not co-ordinated enough to try aerials. But I've already got a baggy firetruck red suit But anyways... that's completely offtopic. As I have yet to find a date out of it or any meaningful social contact. Although unlike Iruka, if I'm honest with myself, I haven't REALLY been trying.

As for the rest of your tips.. yes, men are highly valued in dance classes. And it seriously helps with co-ordination and music timing. Only thing I would say about swing is that (at least in my area) their tend to be more guys than girls. it does happen in a few classes that there are more girls, but on average it is AT LEAST even. However in ballroom, it's almost always exclusively girls. And the many guys that start (if you take group lessons) a lot tend to drop out by the end of that particular course. So the advantage is always there if you stick it out to the end.

Oh, and as much as my skill allows, I echo everything Jainaday has said... It's spot on.

oh, and good luck Iruka

I feel the same way. I have virtually no friends save for one I only get to see once a month, I have a really sh***y job, and I have nothing that really makes me happy except my guitars (but those are inanimate objects.)

I don't really feel like I deserve any friends, especially female ones. I'm not even close to the best at anything. I don't make lots of money, I'm not attractive, and I don't allow myself to have fancy/expensive things. There's really no reason for anyone to like me, and every time I try to create one things get thwarted. I can't go to the gym because the black people there hate me and threaten me when I try to use the gym. I can't take any kind of classes or lessons because I work 11 hours a day, 7 days a week and I never have time. I can't develop any confidence at all. No matter how much I make myself suffer and sacrifice, I still feel like I owe some debt to society for letting me stay alive. No matter how much I starve myself I still feel like I don't deserve food, no matter how many extra hours I put in at work I still feel like I'm the worst worker there. I'm tired of being alive and I really just wish I could get cancer or become murdered or something.

Yes, I am also familiar with this feeling. It comes and it goes, but when it comes, it is infinitely painful.
I suppose I have taken steps to deal with it by making more effort to do things... like a drumming workshop I have joined recently and making some real life friends and getting away from the internet rubbish.
It can be easy to think that this here is all you need but it doesn't really fulfil that need for real, live contact.
I suppose it is keeping friends once you make them that is half the issue.
I hope you find some relief to this.
Maybe just having some people who are around in your daily life as sort of acquaintances might help.

Iruka:

I feel like I'm in a similar situation as you. As friends get girlfriends, my social circle starts to evaporate. I work the night shift. I may talk to one or two people a night. Then I come home to an empty apartment. I've tried so hard to start relationships with women but never make it past the first date. To be frank. I'd rather be going out with a train wreck woman than not having someone I can be close to.

Am I disgusting? Am I that wierd that no woman wants to be around me? Am I doomed to live by myself?

I have needs that are not being met and I'm tired of not being able to fulfill them.