Does anyone have attachment issues?

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Does anyone have attachment issues? How do they affect you, and how do you deal with them?

I've noticed that I have a hard time staying "attached" to people. I don't eventually dislike them or anything, but my level of attachment greatly fluctuates and sometimes I don't "feel" anything towards other people.

I often feel fine towards them again after awhile, though it's very stressful when I'm in a relationship with someone and that happens. I honestly have considered staying single because I wouldn't have to constantly worry if I'm still "in love" with someone.

I think in my case my issues are mainly from trauma and the resulting depression from it, but my autism seems to also affect how I react to it. I already have issues socializing and being close to other people, so I find this very upsetting and it often makes me feel ashamed, like I am incapable of having a consistent/stable relationship with anyone.

I have no attachments issues.


It might be why I scored high enough on relationship management in an emotional intelligence test.

With everything else (other than specific subscores) to mostly scoring below average to poor, once upon a time.


I'm just asocial. And moody.
Even if I'm very capable to pursuing relationships, it's not what I want or need...
That's usually the 'problem'.

I can't relate with the wanting and needing for relationship. I just let it come to me, let them keep it and I'd honor it.


My own personal social problems lies with not being in a mood or in a less ideal state to deal with people.
Maybe anything involving with words, too but that's also an issue outside socialization.

Everything else is either afforded or not important.

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It sounds like you may have avoidant attachment style. There's a great book that I read called 'Attached' by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, which describes different attachment styles and how to manage them. Basically avoidants need someone who's very independent and will give them plenty of space.

I have the opposite problem - I have anxious attachment style, so I get too attached and am terrified of abandonment, and I'm hypersensitive to any small changes or perceived rejection. For some reason, I attract/am attracted to avoidant men, which is why my relationships have never lasted.

I'm the opposite - I get too attached to people. I get upset if someone at work leaves, unless I didn't like them.

I'm pretty sure I have some attachment issues going on with me. I tend to score as a dismissive avoidant type. Sounds about right to me. I think it's worth mentioning that alongside autism, I score high on alexithymia traits and I did grow up in an abusive/dysfunctional household.

So yeah, that stuff absolutely impacts my interactions with others. I don't know if I'm really capable of loving another human being. I think sometimes I would like to be able to, but if I'm being completely honest here, love is the worst four letter word I can think of. If I am capable of feeling love, I don't know if I could get past the feeling of discomfort that would come from being vulnerable like that with another person to even see if I could love them. I tend to be most at ease when people are healthy distance from me emotionally. Try to get too close and I back right on up and start to push people away.

How do this effect me? Uh. I'm twice divorced and dropped all of the friends I used to have one by one until one day I noticed I had no friends left and I was okay with that for a few years. I have three people I talk to now on an a regular basis. Some more than others. The one I see the most I am probably the least open with about myself. Messed up part about it is I have known that guy since high school and he really doesn't know much about me or my life at all. So that bleeds into how I deal with it, I guess. The answer would be poorly. Historically I have pissed off friends and partners when they want to get closer to me and all I want to do is hole up in my head and avoid the mess of it all. I try sometimes, I really do. But damn it's hard to consistently be there for another person like that. I can be there and be attentive for awhile, but it never lasts. It makes me think I'm a jerk, but I have no idea how to stop it.

I struggle to form attachments.

I have CPTSD which means that I have difficulty with trust and interpersonal relationships. Being selective mute and autistic with alexithymia doesn't help, because I'm not a strong communicator and I have a hard time understanding my feelings of affection let alone expressing them. Being separated from my boyfriend because of lockdown law has been very challenging since I'm not good on the telephone and I avoid some of the more emotional conversations when I don't know how to express myself.

It seems there are limits to how much I can "feel" in any relationship because of my alexithymia. I max out quite often whereas the other person continues having new feelings or wanting the feelings to grow. It's not that I don't care about people but my emotional-capacity can only reach a certain level before I get physically exhausted, shut down, and run out of feelings to feel. Then the other person thinks I've pulled away so they pull away. It's a vicious circle. Most of my relationships end up imploding catastrophically because I stop generating / expressing new emotions and I don't have the vocabulary to discuss it because of mutism.

So in a nutshell yeah, I have attachment issues. I think I have "everything issues".