Setting boundaries is hard...

Post Reply New Topic

That was hard...

I don't feel 100% today and was taking a nap... I have a neighbor that seems to want me over all the time, though some of her personal views on things make me cringe... plus she talks bad about other people to me... plus she buys into conspiracy theories (this is the lady that says horribly homophobic, racist things and tries to talk people out of the Covid vaccine, thinks boxed milk is pigs milk, etc.. )

When she calls I usually get up right away and go over there... then when I'm over there if after awhile if I say I'm going home she's like "why? You don't have to go!" And guilts me...

Just talking to her she's probably lonely, she lives by herself...

I'm taking a nap and the phone rings... She wanted me to come over and help her fill out a form on her computer (that she should be able to do herself I think...)

I told her I was napping, can we do it tomorrow? She snapped and said she would be gone most of the day tomorrow, said "well nevermind then!" And hung up...

I mean I don't feel 100% because I had a covid shot (which she made a bad comment about) and I was with her and other neighbors earlier to get food boxes... I just want to relax now, but she expects me to jump up and help her fill out a form this minute! But her reaction was painful to me!! !

Being disrespected is disturbing.

Yes, she didn't respect me, I'm trying to set boundaries but when people act like this...

Just don't answer the phone while you're napping....

It is hard to learn for sure. It sounds like she doesn't respect you very much...Try to remember she is not your responsibility and you are not doing anything wrong by saying no. It can feel like it in the beginning, but with practice that fades. If I can add one more thing, don't feel obligated to give a reason for everything. You don't have to. If she calls and says "Come over" and you say "No," you don't have to tell her a Why even if she asks. Just say you can't at the moment/that day/this week. People will often ask why you won't cater to them because they want to weasel the guilt out of you, or create some reasoning that will leave your excuse weakened. It's unnecessary and besides the point.
If she gets upset, that's on her.

No is no.

It is, a lot of people dislike boundaries.

What I would say is that you do not owe it to this woman to talk with her whenever she wants.

If you do not want to talk with her then do not, and express that you cannot talk with her all the time.