Crushing on a guy with Asperger's

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STOP READING MY MIND!

Are you referring to me? And if so, are you serious? And why?
I have not been diagnosed with it, but I am diagnosed with depression....a possibility of being bipolar, too, according to my own opinion. Or not.

I thank you all for taking your time to respond to my message! I really appreciate you taking your time to read everything I did and offer your advice. It's always a help.

As I mentioned earlier, my brother says guys have a tendency to bolt whenever a girl asks about their feelings or confesses to them. If he is interested, I am going to throw out the offer that we can take it as slow as he likes. I'm in no rush to get to really take things further. Just knowing that we both like each other and are willing to take it further in the future is enough to satisfy me. I see nothing wrong with takings things quickly if it would work out, but most of the time that marks the early death of a relationship.

I'm also afraid of rejection. I know I have to experience it one time in my life. Many people have told me that first relationships hardly ever work. This brings out a pessmistic side in myself, but if this guy is as interested in a serious relationship was I am, perhaps building something from it won't all be in vain, eh?

I don't treat him differently from other people because of his problems. But whenever I see he is getting uncomfortable, I will usually try to do something that makes him feel more at ease.

He has been sending me little signals before to tell me that he likes me. But sometimes his perverted jokes about other girls make me wonder. But then again, maybe perversion is part of his personality and he finds it to be funny.
I try to send signals to him to show him that I like him, but as you guys said, perhaps he is missing them. I'll just have to be more blunt about it.

Once again, thank you all for your comments and suggestions. It's very encouraging to see you guys telling me that I should go ahead and pursue it. I'll probably tell him within the next week or two. It's hard to build up courage for something like this!

Probably for the same reason that I think you're close
to being on the spectrum. You sound an awful lot like
a lot of the people here.

especially.



Maybe. Just don't let things slide so far
that the first flush wears off, or it will never
happen - even if it could have been beautiful
otherwise.



Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? All things
fail in the end. What makes for a 'working'
relationship? Yeah, I know what you want,
'tis what I THOUGHT I had, for over a decade,
and in truth, I did. Just that forever ended quicker
than I thought.



Damned straight. And even when one does,
it is easy to get so discouraged by small things,
that it can be ruined before it begins.

Wow...that's very interesting. I haven't been diagnosed with anything like that. I think I may have had some problems in my past (such as Social Anxiety Disorder), but it's not so bad now that I have been taking medication for depression/anxiety and making some changes in my life.

I know someone else who has problems feeling sympathy and compassion, but he isn't an Aspie. Or at least, I don't believe so. He is introverted, and so am I. And honestly, I can be a bit selfish. I know I am wronging other people by being that way and I wish I could sympathize and feel more compassion, but no matter how hard I try, I can't. But some things evoke a lot of sympathy from me, such as animals for instance. I can cry more easily for a sick dog than for the death of a distant family member. It's odd, I know.

See, it doesn't mean that you are,
but DOES strike a similar chord, I
would suspect, with many of us.

And should help make for a wonderful
pairing. I have high hopes.

Your writing style is detailed and even verbose (honestly, I only skimmed much of it). Your interest in My Little Ponies would definitely qualify as an aspie-style "restricted, stereotyped pattern of interest." You have a family member with Asperger's syndrome, which means you probably share some of those autism genes.

It's true that my family member does have Asperger's and Autism, but it comes from my uncle's side of the family, whom I am not blood related to. I don't believe anyone on my mom or dad's side of the family has Asperger's. You never know. I am going to a psychologist soon to see if I have other problems. I do suffer from horrible depression at times, and it gets so unbearable that I get mentally and physically sick. I could have some other sort of psychological illness. I'm not quite sure.

And a verbose writing style is something most Aspies have? I have seen many people with such writing styles and I am sure not all of them have it. But then again, I do know that lots of people have it and are unaware.
I also only go into detail if the topic interests me or I am in serious need of help. Othertimes, I'm extremely lazy and get away with as little as possible.

My Little Pony...used to love them, my passion burned out. I have other obssessions now.

So, since I share some of the qualities that Aspies have, I could possibly make a good partner for the guy I am crushing on? That would make me quite happy.

From the DSM IV requirements for Asperger's:



The latter is a requirement for diagnosis with
autism. One cannot have both. Though, given
the line between HFA and AS, it would be easy
to receive conflicting diagnoses.

I wonder how many guys came into this thread secretly hoping it was them?

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea telling a 19 year old that she sounds like she may have AS.



It doesn't seem possible to guess something like that from a few posts. Just because she typed a well thought out post and happen to like certain toys when she was younger doesn't quite qualify. Sure those may be traits, but then again, anyone that has written a highschool paper could qualify.....assuming they liked a certain toy when they were younger.



I'm not trying to be rude at all. But saying things like that can really affect a person. Many of the traits that a true aspie has can be related to a person at one time or another in their life. And as you notice, she is now thinking back about her life and wondering if she had other traits.



I made a very similar thread about a female aspie that I wanted to get to know. I didn't type it quickly, I took my time and thought it out like this poster did (it was my first post). Guess what? Many people said they thought I had Aspergers! But I don't. I know someone that really does and I come here to learn as much as I can.

Around here, having someone suspect that
you have AS can only be taken as a compliment.

I was actually a little nervous when first posting this, thinking "What if he comes to this forum?!" I rather doubt it, though.

About me having Asperger's.....well, who knows. I honestly think you guys may have jumped the gun too quick and based your thoughts off of only a few facts. But you could be right....I don't know.

Dazzle,

You ought to try some casual activities together...movies, ice cream, etc
Ask him to go to a movie with you.

I think also you need to take care of your own issues.
You need to see a therapist and talk about your anxiety,
depression, and body image issues. Perhaps get on some anti-depressant
medication.

Please don't. You seem like a wonderful
person. I know (oh gods I know) how
bad depression can be, but 'tis nothing
compared to losing who you are - which is
exactly what I've seen such 'medication'
(the happy go doctor's name for these
horrid drugs) has done to everyone whom
I've known on them.

I am actually on anti-depressant medication. I am having trouble finding one that works. I am on one now and it works sometimes, but not always. Right now it's working very well, but I have worries it will wear off. I do go to a counselor and I am going to a psychologist soon.



People respond differently to each medication.
I am not trying to start a fight or put you down, but this is something that is a sore spot with me.
If you were someone taking medication, and someone who wasn't a doctor, was telling you to stop taking your medication,how would it feel? I'm just trying to flip things around.
Also, the medication has made a huge difference in me. Without out, I was constantly sad, angry, crying, unmotivated, frustrated, and even suicidal at points. I turned to alcohol and smoking for comfort at these points.
The depression meds do make a huge different. I was once afraid to talk to people and to drive. I've been less timid lately, made more friends, and I just got my license and am enjoying my freedom. I've been exercising and changing my life in many ways.
Maybe the medication didn't work for those you know, but some people do need it. Some need the medication for life. If your brain doesn't produce enough seratonin (the chemical that makes you happy), what else can you do?
I'm not trying to pick at your and be harsh. I'm just telling you how I feel and seeing if you can change your outlook.

Dazzle, you're definitely going to have to take the lead on this one.
Aspies are not like NT guys, if a woman they like takes the lead

Its obvious he likes you. I would invite him somewhere you two can be alone
away from classmates. Ice-cream, lunch, noodles...doesnt matter. Something low-stress and fun.

Stop worrying about the "serious" relationship and actually get "a" relationship with him.

Try something simple like holding his hand and saying "I like you, and Id like to take you to a movie."