How to talk to son about the strange noises he makes?

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My son is 7 years old and is diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He quite often makes a strange noise with his mouth. I can't even explain the noise and I can't do it myself. I'm not sure how to explain to him that he shouldn't do that in public because so called "regular" people don't make noises like that. I have told him in the past that people don't make that noise. I'm not sure if he understands what I mean by that and I don't want him to feel any different from anyone else, I mean anymore than he already does. He amazes me most of the time, he's such a great kid. I feel so blessed to have him as my son. I just don't want him to be teased for things like that. He gets picked on enough at school as it is. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can talk to him about his special noises? I welcome any comments and won't be offended by any.
Thanks,
Cissy

It's probably a tic that he can't easily control. He may be able to suppress it for a few minutes at a time if he's actively concentrating on not doing it, but it's not like a habit that he can just decide to give up.

I had a vocal tic when I was about that age, and it never caused me any distress. The only times it bothered me at all were when someone told me to stop doing it. I eventually grew out of it.

I think it's very hard to be made/told to totally stop doing something that he may have little control over but maybe the noise could be modified to one more 'acceptable'.
My son lived with almost constant 'sound effects' when he was little, robot noises or plane/car etc noises if he was moving, everything he did (even writing!) he had to create a sound track for and he is NT.

Like twosheds says, it is probably very difficult if not impossible for your son to control his tics - in the same way as it would be for a person with Tourette's syndrome.

I have AS, and I have always had tics and still do. My most troublesome tic (in terms of other people's intolerant attitudes) were vocal tics which were particularly a problem when I was eating.

My parents were violent and pretty much literally 'beat this out' of me - but in reality it just meant that I had to concentrate extra-hard at mealtimes not to make any noises as I knew I'd be beaten. Unsurprisingly, this meant that I was always terrified of making even the slightest noise and I would often have to hold my breath for as long as I could through mealtimes, over and over again, and eat really slowly as this was the only way I could exert sifficient concentration to make the tics stop.

But then afterwards, I would go to my room, bury my face in my pillow so no-one could hear me and let out all the vocal tics that I had been battling to stifle - because stifling them is really hard work, and the longer you have to do it for, the harder it gets until you feel like you're going to go crazy.

When I had vocal tics during conversations, I would try to cover them up by coughing and clearing my throat as the latter are 'acceptable' noises.

I think that the problem is not your son's tics but society's poor attitude. It is important to explain to him that some people tic and some people don't, as he has probably already noticed this and it would be reassuring to him if you acknowledge this. But the best thing is to tell him that if he has a tic he really cannot control, that's okay and if others are mean to him for it THEY are the ones with the problem, not him.

It might be worth looking on some websites for Tourette's syndrome and on their fora as they might have tips for dealing with unhelpful public reactions to tics, and how to discuss the issue with your son, while at the same time making it clear that you love and accept him for who he is unconditionally, and that there is nothing 'wrong' with being different.
As you say, you feel blessed to have him as your son. This is the most important thing, and as long as you make sure he always know this, that will get you both through any difficult times.

Good luck, I wish you well.

I know this is off topic, but this reminds me of what happened to me in a completly different area, twenty years ago in the Summer of 87. As you see, I'm the only person in my family who speaks with a Cockney accent...well of course, because I'm in bloody Canada! Well, one day my parents decided that they didn't like my accent. One day, my dad told me to listen to myself talk more often and that I nobody around Langley speaks with a Cockney accent and that I should "fix" my way of talking. From the first day of July, until the very last day of August, I couldn't open my mouth, with out having my parents harshly telling me, "Don't talk through your nose" "You're talking through your nose, again!" in a very bitter way. In the Fall of 87, I've had a Music Teacher who was from the poor side of London. After sessions of being forced to listen to Classical Music, without getting any sheets to work on, I was becoming rather bored and I was goofing off, one day. I've told the whole class that Mr. Jones was gay, because he wasn't married, and he was wearing pink socks. I've also said a comment about his accent, as well. Unfortunatley for me, my doctor's apointment was a week after that horrible day. All that would have been prevented, if that apointment was sooner. It turned out that the formation of my soft and herd palatte were the things that was and still is causing me to speak with an accent. I would never give up my accent, today.

If it's not for that, it'll be for something else so...

Yes, that is pretty often the case with bullies. Once they have identified a target they pursue them relentlessly, regardless of what the target does to try to change and conform.

The best thing you can do is ensure that your son has good self-confidence and self-esteem, and do everything you can to make the school and the education authority stop the bullying. It might also be worth joining a support group for victims of bullying and their parents - there are some good groups online.

I'm on board with you here. My son loves to flap his hands. I've heard from all these people about how we should stop him from doing it because it's not "normal" and people will stare. Well, if it makes him happy and doesn't involve hurting himself or others, how is it so bad? As he's been getting older, he's been doing it less, but he still does it when he gets very excited. I really can't find myself getting worked up over him stopping it.

Kate

girl7000, your answer is so spot on and excellent!

My youngest has to repeat scentences to figure out intonations meanings. He also suck in air through the nose when he gots stressed and exhales through the mouth with a vocal sound. This is something he'll probably have for a long time if it's ever going to reverse. I wait for puberty, because then things change most of the times.

My midst, has sound tics and body tics, and he hates it but he can't help it. Medication with concerta takes away most of the body tics, but he gets depressed and angry on himself when he can't control his body. He has by accident smashed several windows for us when his body goes out of control, especially when the effect of concerta goes out.

My eldest has a language that does leave a lot to ask for, and is just explaining for her classmates that they have to take her for who she is, and if it doesn't fit, it's their problem. Not hers. She has a lot of skin on her nose helping her. And a lot of self confidence carefully built up with a lot of TLC and a firm belief that "and HOW do you know if you haven't tried to do it?".

I myself has another problem, I drift into complete concentration when I switch into work mode, with just a part of the brain listening for the environment. I don't have to see my kids, neither does my ex, we know exactly where they are and what they're up to. It's scary for the psychologists that we have about the same stress level as a war victim and still remains quite sane and has been on that mode for a decade. It has also driven my ex employer crazy because I could sit and look as i just stared straight forward for half an hour and then I just smacked the keyboard and solved whatever because I had debugged the whole thing in my head and mostly rewroted the thing from scratch. He still thinks I can be spooky sometimes when I solve problems with irritating accuracy <grin>

But I am comfortable with my self and mostly so are my kids and my ex. And I have a lot of kudos from a lot of people respecting that I don't give a s**t about what other think of me, and have long term contracted jobs, with a genuine reputation of not bullsh*****g my clients. I can't lie about something that's going to be crap in the end. And in computer industry and electronics, most people get bulshitted into crap solutions for their company. It's just $$$, never sees the clients needs.

Well, obviously we have a person active here in dire need of learning the art of social skills and that genitals as avatars may be inappropriate. But you've probably been using some illegal substance again so who cares.

<sigh> I thought we had a self moderating forum keeping us on a nice level. And I know i'm right about that.

Who, me?

I was just told to shut up
so repressed the tics to blinks and wear sunglasses you cant see threw
works well

Thank you to everyone who commented and/or gave me advice. I really appreciate it.

Cecilia

Upon lots of reading, I realized that the annoying animal sounds my son was making alot were a form of tics. Then I realized when he was stressed they became more pronounaced. Since he started they have become alot less, coupled w/school being out I think that has helped him also.