Feeling more "autistic".

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As the title says, I feel like I'm showing more autistic traits as I've gotten older. I notice myself stimming more, more sensitive to sensory and well, act more stereotypical . I feel myself getting overwhelmed more by things also. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this before? One side of me is telling me "Oh you're just acting up for attention." Even though...I'm not? I've been diagnosed since I was 7???

I was wondering if it's because I'm older and able to indulge in media that I like more, process it better, and have the time now to research EVERYTHING about it. Or maybe I was just masking during my schools years perhaps?

For example, I'm REALLY into Final Fantasy XIV and Drakengard. Drakengard has been around for over 3 years and I've done so much with it. I've spent over $400 on my collection and whenever I listen to the soundtrack and talk about the lore I stim by shaking my hands, hitting my shoulders, chin, or vocal stims. When the NieR remaster trailer came out I stimmed everyday to it.

As for Final Fantasy XIV, there's so much stuff for it, I can spend all day indulging and still haven't touched the ice berg. I watch the trailer for Endwalkers everyday and stim. It makes me so...squirmy if that makes sense? When I get to talking about it, I shake so hard and can't control myself, its like I need to unleash something that I can't. In the car with my mom I will just listen to the soundtrack, info dump, and just stim cause it feels good. Even just seeing art about my special interest and favorite characters give me this feeling sometimes.

Is this normal at all? Does autism traits change with age?

I think the intensity of a special interest can depend a lot on the luck of the draw - something arrives that happens to be just what you like, more full of the kind of things that pull you into more and more involvement.

Also, autistic traits can feel a lot stronger or weaker depending on how your general environment changes. If the people around you have a lot of awkward social expectations then you could get pushed further into special interests as the only thing you can succeed at, the only thing that gives much pleasure. I've been through times when the people in my life accepted me as I was very well, and I ended up spending most of my time enjoying their company, and my nerdy solo pastimes mostly went on hold for a year or two.

How are you doing in college?

Do you forget to eat?

Do you forget to take a shower?

Does indulgence in your "special interest" affect your relationships with people?

I actually don't believe that indulgence in a "special interest" is necessarily bad----if you are taking care of yourself otherwise.

^
I agree. As long as special interests aren't interfering with essential functioning, they're a good thing.

While it varies from person to person everybody can only take so much stress, so much stimulation, so much change before we need to release it or burn out. The same amount of external stress and stimulation is often felt more acutely by autistic people thus we can start fraying and burning out faster.

As we get older we have more responsibilities, what we need to do is harder. Going to college is a big jump. Not only does the school work get harder, but you start to become independent, relationships often have different expectations. To sum up you are at a time in your life where you transitioning from being a teenager to being an adult. That is not easy.

Of course the pandemic is a major source of stressful uncertainty. Am I going to class tomorrow or working remotely?

Stimming is the way we release stress, Hyperfocus on Special Interests is a way of coping, of tuning out all that stimulation.

In other words you are not becoming more autistic but I think because you are fraying your ability to mask is lessoning and thus your autistic traits are becoming more obvious.

I would advise figuring out if there is a new thing in your life stressing you. If you can drop stressors from your life do it. If they have to be done hyperfocus on doing one or two steps at a time.

Teasing: I'm not Autistic at all... unless I am stressed, and I am always stressed.

For me the stereotypical negative autistic traits are most obvious with stress, which ebbs and flows. There are times I wonder that I am Autistic b/c everything is right as rain and going smoothly and then --- ooops I'm in meltdown or shutdown, how could I have ever doubted?

I can "pass" like a rock star one day (confident and calm) and the very next day I can't help that I am transparently ASD (which I tend to cover with depression and anxiety). The good days have outnumbered the bad days, and vice versa, depending on the demands of my life. More good days before school started, more good days when my job was stable, more bad days when we moved in my 2nd grade, in college learning to adult, when my workplace turned toxic. I was fairly miserable until my mid 30s and find a lot of Autistic women in my support groups report the same --- then the skies clear significantly for many of us...

I general modulate my Focus b/c I chose to have children and work (my dance card is full), but during the first summer of COVID I dove head first into a Special Interest to cope (work and children be darned). So again, for me, stress. I can't wait until I retire and the kids' are grown!! ! I'll always be busy (it's my nature), but not beholden.

Wishing you well in this stage of your life.