Are aspies nice people?

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Sometimes I’m so nice it breaks my heart…

Yeah…I’m nice, but I’m not weak

About an equal amount of jerks in both neurotypical and neurodiverse populations? I can't really say. I probably don't have a large enough sample size to work with.

I'd go for "mostly nice but certainly a few full-time or part-time jerks in our midst"

The attribute "nice" is almost impossible to quantify, really - but proven by actions such as how we treat animals (especially animals as they don't have ulterior motives and can't speak for themselves), how we interact with people in a sensible way but without resorting to becoming doormats....

I've noticed a very common trait amongst those on the ND spectrum: They can make MASSIVE, GINORMOUS assumptions about you, and completely misunderstand you.

Not just misunderstandings about me, but about other people. Their world seems logical and makes sense to them, but say with a person with bi-polar, they can think the worst possible things about people, and it gets blown out of proportion. Same goes for the highly anxious.

No. We all have sinister evil intents of taking over the world regardless of the cost.

Don't listen to the posters who replied saying otherwise, especially kraftiekortie. Notice how quickly he responded to deflect negative attention away from him? Well, he actually annexes large chunks of New York state via his back yard on weekdays while everyone is in work in the hope nobody notices. Sometimes they do and pull his fence posts down but many don't. He makes it mandatory for all homes in claimed lands to have at least one possum as a pet and anyone with a line of sight on him must break into spontaneous dance to German techno on weekends until line if sight is broken by a fixed physical obstruction.

^I don't mind the possum!

Sometimes I’m so nice it breaks my heart…

The origin of the word nice is "without thought". Presumably those with little thought represented those with little threat. Today if you always agree with others and express no contrary thought, you will probably be considered "nice".

It sounds like you have paid a price to be thought of as nice.

I am going to draw an example from Christianity. Yes, I know even the mention of the word freaks a lot of people out. However, before there were denominations, rituals, rules, and regimentation, Christianity actually had some things of value. One of these was the distinction between selfishness and selflessness.

kraftiekortie had a good observation because there can be a balancing act between being nice and being a doormat.

In Galatians chapter five a description is given to Christians between the works of the flesh (selfishness) and the fruit of the Spirit (essentially selflessness). The definition of love (1 Cor 13:4-7) is essentially selflessness.

I mentioned Christianity and gave the references in case you had an interest in reading more. Much of the letters of Paul are written to people messing things up. This is because it is in our nature to be selfish.

There are those (Christian or not) that can move past selfishness and show actual concern for others. Most often this happens when people become parents.

It may be that you have a sensitive and giving soul and have been ravaged by those who are selfish and seek to take from you. If this is the case, you may have to develop some skills at minimizing contact with those who would devour you. This is where the strength implied by kraftiekortie would come to bear.

Those who have a heart to give are rather rare. You may wish to protect that until you can share with someone else who can give of themselves.

Based on my experience, no. People with HFA tend to be pretty fixated on their internal thoughts/opinions and immediate world, which can be good or bad, depending on their nature. Rarely, I've seen it make people very introspective and altruistic/loyal when their personality already leaned in that direction, but if someone's an as*hole by nature, I feel like HFA makes them 10x worse. Since selfish personalities outnumber altruistic personalities, I've obviously met more terrible aspies than exceptionally nice ones. There's also the overlap between mental illness and HFA, which puts them at a disadvantage in terms of healthy social behaviors. I feel a little guilty about it, but when someone my age introduces themselves as autistic, I'm immediately wary. Often, they just don't have fair expectations about what human relationships should be like. I usually feel like I'm being treated like an audience or emotional prop instead of respected as an individual. I'm sure I might come across that way to some people, though, if I'm not intentionally on guard against it.

They are not nicer or more selfish than neurotypicals. Although if they lack interpersonal empathy their behaviour can manifest as selfishness. However, some on the spectrum may not even be aware that they lack empathy. It is a blind spot that they can fall into and become unfairly scapegoated by peers. They may well develop a misanthropic attitude because they don't realise why they are being scapegoated. But I think it is frustrating to be autistic because we get easily frustrated by why nonautistic behave the way they do. For example, I can understand why some people (usually neurotypicals) like banter but I still find it frustrating and generally irritating to listen to. Someone might interpret that as selfish but I can't help but feel repelled by it and annoyed at it. It's a bit like a compulsion that doesn't go away.

It seems to me that autistics are LESS likely to be selfish and more likely to be open-minded and understanding of others.

On the other hand though, I don't think autism really has much of an impact on how nice a person is. It's down to personality. Just like NTs, you get some nice NTs and you get some nasty NTs, and those in-between of course (many NTs can have a "spiky profile" when it comes to niceness).

I'd like to consider myself a nice person. However, like the general population, some Aspies are nice and others not so much. Even if a fellow Aspie is a nice person, that doesn't mean you'll mesh with them.

It's a meaningless question.

You have to define "nice".

Then you're comparing one group of millions of people (aspies) to another (80 times larger) group of millions of people (neurotypicals).

And there are different contexts in which any person acts differently.

Ted Bundy was probably a rather charming and "nice" well dressed yuppie guy most of the time. But one percent of the time he...would rape, torture, and dismember , and murder, you. So was Ted Bundy a "nice person"?

But many aspies are coarse and blunt and impolite, but they never hurt a fly.

I'm not nice. I'm a complete as*hole!

You have to define "nice" , take a representative sample, in a controlled experiment, and then measure

Otherwise you just get anecdotal statements

[opinion=mine]

A "Good" person sincerely thinks and acts for the benefit of others without expecting a reward or a return of favor; while a "Nice" person only puts on an act with the intent (expressed or implied) of receiving a reward or a return of favor at some later time.

Example: A "Good" guy will help a stranded motorist change a tire on a rainy day and refuse any reward of any kind; while a "Nice" guy would help the same stranded motorist only if she was a pretty woman, all the while while hitting on her for a date.

[/opinion]