ex wants to try again?

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I haven't talked to my ex, in awhile even if we're kinda friends. We had been pretty friendly before a few months back chit chatting about video games, work, whatever in life but he wanted to come visit me one day when i was working. I said no as I was waitng for a covid test, and just wanted to rest even if it just ended up being a cold like I thought. He didn't seem very happy I just wanted to rest as I was sick. Last night however he randomly messaged me asking what's up, then suddenly messaged me that he had a dumb question for me, that he probably already knew the answer to? A few minutes later he messaged me that he'd like to try again. I need a few days to process this as i'm unsure how i feel

What were the reasons for your break-up (if you feel comfortable sharing these)?

And has anything relevant changed since then? Do you have any reason to believe that the same issues wouldn't cause the same problems for you all over again?

It might help if both of you would make a point of improving your skills in active listening, assertiveness (without being aggressive), and conflict resolution. Perhaps the two of you could study tutorials on these topics together. If you're interested, I'll post links to lists of online tutorials on these topics.

I just had a lot going on at the time we were "a thing", like dealing with a toxic job while I looked for one better for me and therapy. I admit that how wore out I was at time lead to me not communicating the best, but he kinda rushed me towards things I wasnt ready for, as I was unsure where the relationship was going. He eventually messaged me saying we needed to talk about us, saying he didn't "feel anything" and broke up with me.

Can you think of any good reasons to get back with him? Like idk over-all did the relationship feel more positive or negative.

positive other then i got skeptical of it being "a thing" even if he asked about meeting my parents I did feel like it was rushed a little though

Try listening or reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” by Mark Manson. Depends what you want from the relationship and don’t listen to me as I’m horrible at relationships but the reasons you listed are red flags. You are probably too good for him.

" He didn't seem very happy I just wanted to rest as I was sick. "
It sounds like you've already tried again and it didnt work out okay.
What else can either of you do? He doesnt seem in the right mental state to give it what it needs neither sounds like his decisions are really reliable at this point. If you decide to give it another try, now is not the time, you both need to move on properly and be at a better time in your life. It could be just lovesickness driving him and that's not enough for success and something positive for both of you.
Let him process and learn and complete the moving on process.

That's the thing, i'm trying to move on to a better point in my life and I've been willing to be friends but he dropped that bomb. I'm working a full time job now, and have a lot of other things on my plate. I think i'll just tell him I aint interested in trying again

In other words, you and he now feel that the original relationship was strained to the breaking point due to temporary circumstances beyond your control, and that a revived relationship might fare better under current circumstances?

If so, then, if you and your ex decide to revive your relationship, hopefully the two of you will have some frank discussions about possible ways to disaster-proof your relationship in the future. Hopefully the two of you will also make a sustained effort to improve your communication skills and practice them while things are still going well, so you'll be prepared for the next time things get rough for either or both of you. Among other things, you'll probably need to deal with his tendency to "rush" -- which may or may not be fixable.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 29 Nov 2021, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cut contact for like 45 days (& let him know)? Or how many was it after a breakup, I forgot. Friendship right after can be really hard without the proper time to heal. Besides if its dangerous to your health then anything to get better, whatever that is.

it's been about a year since we were together , so we can be friends but I did move on to a better job and therapy helped me. I don't know why out of the blue he wants to try again though. Its just some other things i'm looking at like maybe moving out of the house

Winter time cupid strikes? Lmao
Maybe he realized he made a mistake or there's no other girl he knows, only option.
Because you're doing way better and are independent maybe you've suddenly became extremely attractive to people. It's usually the way it works.

i'm not sure