Good Hyperfocus and bad hyperfocus
lots of stuff to do for work.
hard to focus.
Caffeine increases focus - but does not direct it. I can hyperfocus on the "wrong" things and still not get my work done.
If I get on work stuff and stay on work stuff my hyperfocus can be a great help.
Sometimes I get mad at myself.
A little voice in my head says "I wish I was dead" or "I wish I could kill myself".
I try to change the voice.
I try to say "God help the things in me that need to die away dies away and the things that need to live to thrive and grow".
I need divine pruning.
Or I say "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".
The wisdom seems hard to come by.
I sometimes wonder if I have bipolar ii - and if so what to do about that.
My social anxieties make it hard to reach out for help.
My history has taught me (or seems to have) that some things should not be shared - the cost/benefit is just not good.
There are good days and bad days.
There is good hyperfocus and bad hyperfocus.
It is hard.
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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie
Hey there OP!
I have dealt with "Bipolar traits" before and it even linked (I believe) to the life and death drive from Freud.
I had months of lows then get manic highs for some months. I stupidly got off medication multiple times over the years and some times (not all times) I would get concentrated moments of creativity and productiveness. One time I got a creative streak and another I managed to lose 20-30kgs in like 7-9 months or so. I keep crashing though because I didn't take the meds. But now I'm on good meds for my mood and I think of the meds "Slow-releasing" the creativeness and physical activity so it's not in chaotic bursts or violent ends. If it wasn't for the meds I would possibly not be here, it does your mood good, to keep you positive, or at least, wanting to live.
I think it's hard for anyone with obsessive interests to function healthily nowadays, I mean there are soo many distractions that try and "pull you in" like advertising/marketing/business/entertainment etc but when You get that balance in your brain and lifestyle, and it is a constant "up in the air" / tightrope walking momentum struggle, I do believe you can get stronger. It just takes time to build upon, that requires dedication and drive for an ideal idea or concept. Don't try to force it, when you rely on caffeine and smoking to get you there mentally you will get clouded and hazy, possibly headaches and such from withdrawal. Tea is probably more mild, honey tea is good too. The idea is to have sound mind that works with the human evolutionary mechanisms and interworkings that comes naturally to a healthy brain.
Hyperfocus, yeah I think I have it, I can slip into it quite easily. All my life. But it's a double edge sword.
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AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
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