Heard any good jokes lately?

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If so, please share.

Going through a rough time and could use some cheering up. Guessing the odds are that I'm not the only one.

Thank-you for your consideration, good people of Wrongplanet.

Here are five "Dad Jokes" for you:

• I got arrested for downloading all of Wikipedia . . . I told them I could explain everything.

• My wife and I had a huge argument about who will do the laundry . . . Eventually, I folded.

• I do not mean to brag, but cashiers always check me out.

• To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket . . . You can hide but you can’t run.

• To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you . . . You have my Word!

I've heard a lot of good jokes in the past couple of days. "HAPPY New Year" and "Have a SAFE and PROSPEROUS New Year" and "Here wishing you all the BEST in 2022". Hilarious.

Two neurotypical's and one neurodivergent are stranded on a desert island and find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first neurotypical wishes they were off the island and back home. The second neurotypical wishes the same. The neurodivergent says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish the neurotypicals were back here.’

A man (or maybe a non-binary person) took his, her, or their car in for a service, and got it stuck in the church doors.

There are two kinds of people I hate:

1. Those that make lists
2. Those who can't count
3. Hypocrites

I needed cheering up so I went to the zoo.
But there was only one animal.
A small, fluffy dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.

There were 2 men in a boat.
Each had a cigarette.
But here was nothing to light them with.
So one of the men tossed his cigarette overboard.
Then the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Doctor, doctor, I keep shrinking!
Well you'll just have to be a little patient.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm in Arizona!
You do look like you're in a state.

Not really, but...I found these amusing. They're more puns,than jokes.

{redacted}

I have no idea what your sense of humor is, but this always cracks me up. Warning: religious humor (it's about a preacher who swears...NSFW).

Thank-you, Guys.

What do you call three men in a row?

.... a bacon bow.

My life.

(I had to say it, lol.)

^^^ [hug emoji here]

here's this old soviet-era joke about a hapless soviet bureaucrat who kicks the bucket and finds himself in soviet hell- the soviet devil greets him warmly [warmly, get it? ], "Comrade, you must know you are now in hell! but i will give you choice between two different parts of hell- capitalist hell, and communist hell." bureaucrat asks the devil, "what in hell is the difference?" and devil tells him, "in capitalist hell, a nail will be driven into your butt every day! this will not happen like this in soviet hell." the now alarmed bureaucrat says, "ok, to hell with that! i choose the communist hell!" and devil tells him, "very wise choice, indeed... oh, ahem, i forgot to tell you, that although a nail will not be driven into your butt every day in communist hell, on last day of month, "ALL 30 NAILS WILL BE DRIVEN INTO YOUR BUTT! HAHAHAHAH...."