Feeling deep shame about embarrassing things I’ve done.

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I know that everyone, regardless of whether they’re neurodivergent or typical, has done embarrassing things and probably will embarrass themselves again in the future, but it’s much worse and more frequent with me, IMO.

The things I’ve done I don’t feel are normal embarrassing things. I realized I embarrassed myself again in public on Wednesday and it put me in a foul mood the rest of the day.

I did a family member a favor by heading to a local business to get some documents faxed for them. I admitted to the clerk that I have never faxed anything before, which is not normal for a 33-year-old.

I overshared by telling the clerk that the family member wants their documents (2 total) faxed twice for reassurance because the recipient can be incompetent but then *I* was the one who looked incompetent a bit later when two different employees had to explain to me why the receipt shows 3 pages faxed instead of 4.
I never want to set foot in there again. A simple concept and I botched it.

I still remember accidentally starting fights in high school by running my mouth. I remember upsetting a boy I liked by staring at him, which led to him bullying me.


I remember acting awkward and desperate with men I pined for and look back at all of it and metaphorically hang my head in shame at how immature, unintelligent, foolish, et cetera, I acted — and I was well past the age where we’re supposed to know and do better and most people do.

I feel like I’m not good enough to get the men I desire (I’m realistic about who I can and cannot attract) and will forever be alone or have to settle.

I often wish I could have a restart of life but knowing what I do now.

Sorry for the mini book.

Well . . . you seemed to have learned something from these "mistakes".

No need to feel shame, though.  I am sure a lot of us could relate similar things we have done (or worse), so no judgements here.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wrong Planet

It's not the 'mistakes' per se , it's how you view them. Rumination can be a big issue for those who are ASD ( some believe it's possibly part of the core ASD symptoms).

Here are a few tips that may or may not help.

I honestly didn't even know anywhere in the world still used fax machines. Never used one; they were dying out here when I was in my teens, and I'm older than you are! I know they have a reputation as sodding awkward machines to use- my dad was very glad to see the back of them.

Don't worry, I've done things I frown upon now. I hate my teenage self for all the stupid, embarrassing things I done. I know all teenagers embarrass themselves but the things I done were due to social immaturity and ADHD impulsiveness.

In fact some of the things I did still haunt me to this day.

I have f****d up to perfection.

There are so many things I have never done before, and I just tell people that.

i was having trouble with some technical thing and, knowing in advance that tech support can sometimes be snippy and demeaning to people who don't understand the tech stuff, I started this call with the following:

While you are explaining this to me, pretend I am your 68 year old gramma and you have to explain everything to her, slowly and carefully.

He laughed and the call went great.

Being able to laugh at one's self is a good tool to have.

Thanks for the replies, peeps. The things is, I continue to screw up and it kills me inside. Semi-recently, I made an insensitive comment in a Facebook group of which I’m a member. Even though the guilt has mostly subsided, I still cringe a bit at what I said — I had no intention to harm and just wasn’t thinking.

A woman talked about how her relative recently passed away and she saw a sign from him (or something along those lines) and I, being an atheist and skeptic, made a comment in that context, not aware of the fact that the guy had passed recently, so her wound was probably fresh. It would have still been insensitive even if he had passed decades ago.


I’ve also done many cringey things, like post on a PUBLIC Facebook page a hint about the guy I was in love with at the time, referring to him and knowing he’d probably see it. I was about 25 or 26 then, so definitely old enough to know and do better. Sigh…

I'm fairly good at blocking things out. I've done embarrassing things, like most people. I try to live in the moment. And that works. 95% of the time.

People have different beliefs, yes, but my comment seems to be inappropriate still. I was basically sh*tting on her parade, being a jerk by dashing her hope.

I often wish I could have a restart of life but knowing what I do now.

Every new day is a restart.

Shame and guilt are useful insofar as one can learn from them, be motivated to make what corrections one can, and even draw upon those feelings of make changes. However, once everything useful is extracted from them, these feelings can become toxic if held on to for too long.

Thank you (not sure how to reply to specific people or even if I can do so).

I am worried I am not redeemable.

I am sorry for the shame. I am right there with you. I say I am so very proud and pleased with myself unto myself, but in relation to others I am so very ashamed. I would like to at least change my cognition from "ashamed" to "embarrassed", lighten it up a bit from there to "awkward" maybe then simply "different". I am self aware --- too self aware. My ASD BFF but is the unaware type. Pros and Cons. She has more inward success (self esteem) and I have more outward success (achievements).

My ASD mom has withdrawn from the world to avoid embarrassment/shame. I have pushed myself and face often am raw with consequences. I want something in between: be out there, more safely --- with ways to manage "awkward" interactions. I want to get to a confident, light place "oh, people like me..." or better "thanks for understanding..." (even if they don't, I could suggest what they might understand)

Hang in there. I dread going anywhere which is unfamiliar and I am expected to interact with people. Still I do it. Mostly it's fine (with great effort I keep the awkwardness to a level 3), but sometimes it goes spectacularly wrong. But by golly, I deserve to be out there and I'll keep trying. Remember it's a matter of our discomfort relative to others. So often we take the lion's share of discomfort on ourselves. It's ok for us to "share" it. We'll all be better for it.