Autism symptoms I displayed

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My mom told me today that there were some symptoms I displayed as a young child that probably should have been a concern, but they were too busy. (My sister had cancer growing up.) For instance, she said I’d have meltdowns and she’d have to have me take deep breaths often, I clapped my hands and rocked when overly excited (mainly food), I couldn’t tie my shoes, had issues with holding a pencil. (I still use four fingers), had issues at school with school work/making friends. I am thinking now if my parents weren’t so busy with my sister, maybe I would’ve been assessed at a young age.. maybe I should be diagnosed now. That is why I’m having so many troubles in life, and always have.

That's nice that your mom noticed and tried to help you, even if things didn't turn out how you wanted. I think many adults just don't know what to make of these traits. Almost every report card I have from elementary school says, "Does not interact with other students." But no one ever talked to me about that. Lots of adults noticed the anxiety/sensitivity, but didn't do anything. Parents noticed OCD traits, but did nothing. Most adults seem to think these are things you'll grow out of.

I can’t decide if my life would’ve been easier or more difficult if I was diagnosed at a young age. Either way, I understand why they didn’t pursue it. If I was all they had to worry about my mild symptoms would be a red flag, but with a terminally ill child, they were nothing. I have no resentment, I just can’t help but wonder if I would’ve gotten into a nice college if I had help in school, etc. I’ve seen a lot of time travel movies, and typically if you go back in time to change things it ends up much worse. If I would’ve been diagnosed maybe it would’ve been harder for me. I’m just glad that I found this community where I feel less alone.

^I relate to that. I wish I had more sympathy for my struggles as a kid. That would be more important than a diagnosis. I liked having my own view of myself and things, and not an adult defining me. But, now I'm happy to have this community and be working on a diagnosis. It may be necessary for support.

I took an online test and it said I was moderate autism but I’m diagnosed as high functioning. I still flap my hands on my head, make high pitched voices when hyper, and when my legs are bent on my bed I rock them side to side. have a narrow interest. I been doing just 1 event a day which is either work or going out in the community, otherwise I isolate the rest of the time, I don’t like hand dryers, sirens, bright light, being bumped into, loud lightning, fire alarms, glass clanging and balloons popping and I’ll end up having occasional meltdowns. I like fidgeting with small objects like playing cards. What I don’t appreciate is others holding higher expectations of me as if I COULD control it.

Ps, my psychiatrist said he doesn’t think I have it but it’s just that I mask it often.

How come your school didn't pick up on it?

When I was a kid I wasn't really Aspie at home (just hyperactive) but at school I seemed more Aspie and the teachers picked up on it and forced my parents to diagnose me so my parents felt pressured into it. God knows how things would be if they had a child with cancer, I bet they'd still be forced into getting me assessed and diagnosed.

Well I actually was diagnosed as a kid, if They had the level system I’d actually be level 2 or level 3 instead of level 1 which is what I got after they got rid of “Asperger’s” but my psychiatrist said it was still on my diagnosis and he wouldn’t take it off, but he had no idea why I ever was diagnosed in the first place. I had a study done and the doctor said my mind would be up to a 10 year old and never passed that.

I’m not sure. I think it’s because I had weird behavior, but I was mainly just awkward, shy, and quiet... I wasn’t super disruptive. It’s possible the teachers also weren’t educated, and I didn’t display what they consider typical autism traits like rocking, hand flapping, meltdowns. My meltdowns were saved for at home. The only thing I think that should’ve been picked up on was my struggles with school work, and certain tasks. I think it actually was some, they were just preoccupied.

My behavior was written down by my teachers on some kind of progress reports from kindergarten to the third grade. At that point they did a boatload of tests on me including EEGs and brain x-rays. Then I was put into a segragated classroom for "Educationally Handicapped" kids. I figure most if not all of us had Asperger's. But that wasn't something being diagnosed back in 1970. I basically got diagnosed with all the individual symptoms. Perception problems. Social problems. Attention problems. Meltdown problems.

I got ahold of those progress reports around 07. They included when they tried to mainstream me in the fifth grade and ninth grade. I figured those plus some testing would get me a solid autism diagnosis. I should probably do that in case I need SSDI when I get too old to work.