Telling my fiancée

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I already told my dad I thought I may be on the spectrum, and posted the response here. It was positive. Now, I am working up the nerve to tell my fiancée. When we first started dating she mentioned it, and mentioned it to my mom... she was the one to bring it up, without me even mentioning it. (Her Dad was diagnosed with Aspergers). She mentioned to my parents she saw some signs in me. My mom had a very negative reaction (she is very uneducated on autism.) and told all of her friends and they said, “Of course not!” (Also uneducated).

Side note: my mom and her friends see autism as only the end that needs a lot of support, or the stereotypical male traits.

Well, my fiancée and I haven’t talked about it at all since.. that was 7 years ago. Now, I want to tell her how I’m feeling, and that I suspect it in myself. I mean, we are about to get married, and I’m going to therapy to get assessed, but she doesn’t know that it has anything to do with autism..

I’m just nervous, for some reason I’m afraid she will deny it, and for some reason I’m embarrassed to mention it. I’m trying to think of how to bring it up without being awkward.

Update: I told her.

How did she react?

She’s known you, quirks and all, for seven years.

I bet she suspected all along

She wasn’t surprised. She just hugged me and said she was proud of me for telling her/going to therapy. She said a diagnosis changed nothing for her, (She is diagnosed Bipolar/ADHD), and that she just had to find coping mechanisms to help her with her struggles. She said that a diagnosis isn’t going to be this life changing thing, and that it won’t change much because I’m still the same person. It will just help with finding out how to deal with some things. It was a very sweet moment.

I'm glad you told her.
I can't picture keeping secrets from a partner.
It would just get awkward especially when you post on WP.
It sounds like you had a really nice moment of sharing.
As for your mother --- arerhghghgh ! !!

Maybe your partner can help you to talk to her?

Just to clarify, have you been diagnosed?
If not are you planning to have an assessment?

I’m currently on a waitlist to speak with a therapist who specializes in ASD and also other things I struggle with, such as Overthinking/Anxiety. I’ve already made sure my insurance is approved, so next step is just getting the go ahead. They do assessments there as well, but I’d like to talk with her first. I just wanted my fiancée to know what the therapist specializes in, and my suspicions. Wrong Planet is a website I frequent daily, and when I research ASD and speak to those diagnosed, I feel less alone. I felt like she should know. I think she already did. I mean she had brought it up herself years ago.

Happy that you’ve had the best response and acceptance from disclosing to your partner. That’s something that doesn’t always work out for the best in dating, but it no doubt helped that she suspected early on and was fine with you as you, regardless.

As for the situation with your mum & her friends, since it went well with your dad perhaps it would be good for him to read up some on ASD and be able to discuss it with her that hey, autism isn’t only severe / low-functioning / high-needs and put some articles in front of her.