Is self compassion difficult for many aspies?

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I don't know the statistics about self compassion and aspies. I just know that I have a hard time with it and when one of my friends talks about it to me I don't understand she's talking about. Do any of you struggle with self compassion? I have no self compassion and I just would like people to accept me as I am without it.

I think I lack self-compassion. I struggle to forgive myself if I make a social mistake and I beat myself up about it. I don't like being reminded that I'm an Aspie, by NTs or other NDs, and I constantly blame myself for being on the spectrum even though I didn't choose to be of course, but I still hate myself for it. I hate myself for not making friends even though I don't lack many social skills needed to make friends, and I hate myself for being shy and anxious and noise sensitive. I do hate myself.

Yes and no in my case.

No because I remorselessly put a lot into keeping myself comfortable. And I don't often feel seriously ashamed of myself, though maybe that's just because I don't interact with other people very much, and hardly ever try to influence them, very rarely lose my temper with them or try to hurt them, so there isn't an awful lot to feel guilty about in terms of harming others. I don't burden myself much with notions of duty to society or obedience of any particular codes of conduct, except the bits that make sense to me, and even then it's more that I just happen to be the kind of person who normally would rather make people happy than make them sad.

Yes because there are some aspects of my past and present behaviour and nature that fill me with self-loathing when I think about them - they're often to do with perceived incompetence or insensitive behaviour. And when I'm immersed in performing a task I've taken on, I often forget all about looking after myself, though that might be more a matter of tunnel vision than true compassion failure.

A quick scan of the internet pointed to a book about self compassion. What did it SAY?

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

This sounds like very good advice to me. There is enough other people trying erroneously to beat you up, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JOIN THE GROUP.

One of the problems with Aspies is that we do not generally use eye-to-eye contact when we communicate. For some strange reason when an NT sees a person who does not make eye-to-eye contact they automatically assume the person is lying, is dishonest, cannot be trusted.

But not having eye-to-eye contact is just that. It has nothing to do with our character. We are truthful, honest, and we can be trusted.

Yes in my case. I have moments that I can, and that usually extends to everyone.
But I usually can't whenever I'm caught up in the moment.

Whenever I have thoughts that compares my issues from others -- namely everyone always had it worse than me and I'm an ungrateful bastard.

Whenever I have expectations and plans, is put in a countless pile of disappointment and helplessness to do exactly that, in spite of the actions done, effort and intent.

And the fact I can't enjoy a lot of things because of countless tiny and unnoticeable nuisances only I have to deal with.
Pride won't let me communicate because I deem it as petty.
Really, I already can't enjoy a lot of things because I was too focused and distracted by trying to breathe through a clogged nose comfortably. It's just sneezing, not panic attacks or a broken leg.

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I don't mind being autistic

but then I am not always social by nature, don't mind being quirky and don't mind not having lots of friends

I don't think id cope well with being too busy socially

I get confused a lot by people

but I am what I am and don't mind being me

I like autistic people so don't understand why they are so down on themselves

I have a lot of self-hate that's only counteracted by the words of others and if I look for those positives, but I don't think it's autism in my case. I think autism may have allowed me to ameliorate some of this, as the special interest was always a good distraction from things, along with being alright off on my own. That self-hate targets symptoms of autism when it comes to social errors however.

I don't think it affects others, nor would they really know unless I told them. Maybe it's exacerbated some other things since I think so little of myself I can't see why people would care for and miss me.

I had self hatred for years, deeply embedded in the way people always told me everything was all my fault and that I was a failure at so many things. I didn't understand "why" until my late diagnosis at age 68. Suddenly I understood my failures were due to my autistic lack of understanding in so many ways and it was my neurology, not that I was bad, willful, incompetent, did not pay attention, deliberately mean, or all of the other blames put upon my all those years ago. I have been able to understand how not knowing about autism in my life (and other family members too) fed into all those sick dynamics. Since then a lot of healing and self forgiveness as well as forgiveness and understanding of others and past painful interactions has taken place. Yes, after so many years of hearing how bad we are and how stupid, incompetent, etc etc we internalize those beliefs and place blame on ourselves. It is sometimes difficult to overcome after years of habitual self blame.

I struggled with it a lot, but nowadays have no problem with self compassion thankfully.
I forgive and understand myself a lot easier since i acknowledged i am no different than other people.

To this day, I beat myself up terribly. Sometimes I still find myself saying under my breath "I hate myself" out of the blue. I say still because even though I've been autistic, and thus quite insecure in an autistic way, since I was born, I don't remember telling myself I hate me until after my first wife left me. That destroyed my self esteem and almost destroyed me. My lack of self-compassion is a joint product of autism and depression -- what do you know, comorbidities.

EEngineer75,

Yes, I've learnt to look for positives when I have that negative voice doing its thing; when I see that negative, I list the positive that goes along with it. It helps me a little by giving perspective. The words of others that I know well tend to be the opposite of that voice, so they too give perspective and a more fair/balanced view of myself (that's one person right now, but she'll be more objective than I am; someone else shows that I'm worth caring for and helping). Overall, it probably doesn't do too much (my personality is already made after all), but it helps me more than anything else. My hope is just...hoping for things to improve rather than continually deteriorate, much like everyone I guess. Weight keeps on piling on rather than falling off. I can handle it, but 50/50 of good and bad sounds a little nicer.

It's taken me a while to break things apart and figure out whats what simply because of overlap and also personality/life events stuff. The autism doesn't really make me feel good or bad about myself, and it's just neutral; I've sometimes attributed things to it when I shouldn't have. I guess I do this so I can try to improve myself, as you can't fix something if you don't know what the cause is.

To figure things out, I...just look at an issue and list what can cause it, then find the likely one. Say, if I interrupt someone when talking, that's obviously impairments in turn-taking/back-and-forth of autism. If I have trouble with trusting others, that's obviously life events stuff (autism can be tangentially related in some aspects due to being bullied, for example, but the autism isn't causing it even if the bullying is targeted against something from autism, like a lack of interaction). If I'm a jerk, that's just me being a jerk. There's always a cause to an effect.

My emotions are too loud, albeit it's not consistent. I don't feel hate and anger all that much for others, if at all. I guess dysregulated fits. I don't have much of an ego and self, but that'll be neither here nor there, but maybe it is as the self-hatred stems from what caused such.