I feel like I have the makings of an Incel :(

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So I have been using the internet for awhile and as a biological female, have been very surprised and confused when I kept being recommended Incel and MGTOW videos. However I keep on accidentally stumbling into Incel adjacent online communities. After thinking abt it more I realised it makes complete sense

First of all this isn’t Abt the incels’ obsession with their celibacy, I’m asexual so idc Abt that. But it’s more to do with how they think. I have the same obsession over really small parts of me and how they are perceived. To give an example, I got obsessed with the fact u can see the whites of my eye under my iris aka scleral show. I also have the same obsession with how my looks change how ppl treat me abd in retrospect, all my theories sound like the stuff incels say abt why they are not accepted by society. Before I learnt their lingo, like lookmaxxing, I already was doing those behaviours and had those beliefs. Luckily I’m not a bitter person so I don’t have the hatred of ppl in relationships or believe in Hypergamy and that only the top 10% are sleeping with each other before settling down with sone poor bets male they don’t love. But I literally have been seeing the lack of romantic attraction of others towards me as a sign of having less worth. I even saw myself as a lower human like how incels see themselves. This realisation has been kind of horrifying.

Here in the West at least, women have traditionally been expected to measure their own "worth" in terms of how many and what kinds of men are romantically attracted to them. That's nothing new or unusual, alas. What's new is that significant numbers of heterosexual men are now doing the same.

Ok that’s making me feel a bit better about myself bc I was really ashamed. I’m 19 and no one has ever shown interest but tbh I think that’s good bc I’m not ready on ANY level to recieve any. I was feeling so ashamed for thinking like this.

The word "incel" itself is a portmanteau of the words "involuntarily" and "celibate", nothing more.

The fact that a lot of sad men with delusions of sexual privilege have appropriated this word to label themselves is unfortunate, as it now carries with it the image of a lonely and disgruntled young man with an AR-15 rifle shooting up the local high school because none of the female students there want to have sex with him.

Are you involuntarily celibate or are you celibate by choice?

It doesn't make sense that you think of yourself as a "lower human."

You've attained excellent marks in school. You study hard.

"Correlation does not equal causation": Just because you identify with some aspects of Incel culture------doesn't mean you're an Incel, or even identify with Incels.

You identify as "asexual." This means that you are not "involuntarily celibate"---which means, obviously, that it's impossible that you're an "Incel."

Why do you bring yourself to these "depths"?

I think I must have worded things wrong I think. Incels used to be my special interest so ik the history of how it was actually began by a woman as a supportive space before warping into what it is now. As someone who has looked through their forums and websites + watched a bunch of docs, what I was upset about is the fact that without realising I had a lot of their world view, albeit I’m not bitter and jealous. I realised this after accidentally repeatedly joining communities filled with femcels. So it’s less Abt the actual fact of being an „Incel“, in it’s literal sense since I’m asexual, but more the belief system they have to an extent. Maybe saying black pill or pink pill would be more accurate. Although unlike the ppl in those groups, I’m trying to be at peace with the idea of being alone forever and am happy for others.

Idk why my brain is wired this way but I am trying to get out of it. I just keep on accidentally finding groups that confirm all my anxieties and weird beliefs. The fact it is accidentally makes me feel a bit doomed. Ik I’m successful academically and I seem to be good at getting the things I want to the surprise of others but I still feel lesser than. Ever since I was a kid I didn’t feel human but that was partly bc of some delusions :‘).

I just looked up MGTOW and it's just plain disgusting. Welp, if they want to be physically separated from all women, that's fine because no woman or anyone else on Earth needs them anyway, just as long as they don't harm women because of their hate.

Anyway, most male incels believe that female incels or "femcels" is something completely made up and women can't be incels at all. Because we're all supposed to be asexual or just hate sex anyway. (sarcasm)

Hello OP. I think I understand what you are saying. You obsess over small flaws similar to the Intel worldview.

You might find a YouTube video by ContraPoints called “Incels” useful for understanding this phenomena in yourself. The YouTuber delves deep into the psychology of this worldview. (Forgive me if you’ve already seen this video in your research). In effect, It is a form of psychological self harming, almost. I’m not saying you are completely what I think they call Blackpilled, to be clear. But might help to understand even if you’re not exactly on the same level.

You have excellent taste. I love her videos! I think maybe I should rewatch with that in mind.

I hope,it’s helpful! In the video, Nathalie relates her own experience with being really hard on herself and how she realized what was driving her. It might give you ideas! Best of luck! Just remember, every single person is special. <3