Is it me? or them?

Post Reply New Topic

I am feeling really upset.

My friend just cancelled on the morning we were supposed to meet. After telling me yesterday that instead of lunch, could we do breakfast because they have to pick up a sofa.

My other 'friend' hasn't responded to my message asking if they wanted to meet up.

I feel so small and unimportant. Do they think this is ok? Why can't people be kind? Or is it because they don't really like me anyway?

its not you, sometimes life just interferes or things come up. Try not to take it personally, everybody has a life to manage and sometimes things get difficult or complicated. I would think it was them, almost always.

I understand how you feel. I only have one friend. I am 50 years old and it is sad for me that he is never available for me when i need him. I have decided that since my one friend is not autistic maybe I would be happier in life if I focused my time and efforts at becoming friends with autstic people instead. I hope your friends quickly realize that they not following through with plans you have made is not the best way to treat you.

I settled down here a year and a half ago. I've been very active in groups where you meet people ie church and volunteering. After meeting probably more than 200 people in that time...I've found most people to be acquaintances and only three who want to talk to me in their spare time.

It does feel bad when the only person who wants to meet cancels.

The one who didn't respond, you shouldn't pursue them because they consider other things to be more important. They're not worth your time anymore.

Some people are like that, unfortunately. I'm the sort of person that will make every effort to see a friend and not let them down, unless it's an emergency. But some people just cancel at any little thing.

I don't see my friends any more since covid started. They're not really the sort to chat on zoom and neither am I. I prefer to go out for coffee or do activities together. They don't really use Facebook either. I text them every now and then to ask how they are but they seem quite subtly aloof. My social life seems to be getting smaller and smaller. All I have is my boyfriend, my family, Facebook, and some colleagues that I see at work. I feel I don't really have any close friends as such. I didn't even get many birthday wishes this year even though I always take the trouble to send them birthday messages and try to keep in touch.

Maybe I'm just the most unexciting person in the world and people just decide they can't be arsed to like me any more.

Do neurotypical people do this to each other? Or just me because there's something inherently 'wrong' with me. Am I annoying? Or not fun to be with? I don't know. I feel alone and friendless and depressed. Trying to meet new people is so hard for me. My kneejerk reaction was that I want to move and live near my sister. Then at least I'd have one person around my age to spend time with.

Yep….that’s how I feel: “People are weird.”

It could be them, but that doesn't mean they don't like you.

I cancel on people, sometimes last minute. It's because I can't mask and fake it when I'm having a shutdown, a meltdown, sensory overload, a bad day with autistic burnout, parenting commitments, general fatigue, lack of sleep from insomnia, physical illness, or any other ailment du jour (e.g., comorbids - trauma, social phobia, mutism, depression, anxiety, or ADHD leading to a lack of executive function for getting dressed or managing my time).

It doesn't mean I don't care about my friend. It means I'm autistic, I'm physically / socially disabled, and I'm human. I've been in autistic burnout and trauma recovery for years. I understand that it's disappointing for the other person and I have empathy for how it would feel to have someone cancel. That's why I'm uncomfortable making plans ahead of time, or committing to any social obligation until the moment it's happening. It's very awkward to back out of things because I don't want to lie, but there's always an ableist overtone that my reasons for cancelling won't be taken seriously. In the end it's seldom worth it for me to make plans ahead of time.

Neurotypical people can still struggle with executive dysfunction, depression, anxiety, parenting challenges, health issues, and general burnout. I described a lot of ND reasons but NT or even Allistic people can also have valid reasons to cancel.

I feel badly for the OP. I just don't want her to assume it was personal, or that her friend doesn't like her.

It's not u, they should've replied. I personally find that it's hard to constantly recognize that there are mean ppl in the world. Some ppl r just douchebags.