Female Autism Phenotype

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Does anyone else feel alienated by the whole "women experience autism differently than men" thing?

It's just kind of frustrating to try to find information and resources relating to autism and basically being told that all women present a certain way, a way that I can't relate to at all:

"Autistic women are diagnosed late because autistic women don't act autistic enough to get diagnosed. They can mask their symptoms, they have intact if not superior empathy, better social skills than autistic men, and they have 'normal' special interests."

I was diagnosed early; my symptoms are kind of obvious. I have no clue how to mask my symptoms. I don't know how to "study" others to "copy them". Me having the ability to blend in and analyze others' behaviors like that feels like the notion of a giraffe being able to fly: fundamentally impossible. I have low empathy. My special interests tend to be strange. It feels impossible to make or maintain friendships. Even laypeople have clocked me as autistic.

I've always felt lonely because of my autism. It just makes me feel even more alone to know that I'm an outlier in terms of how my symptoms present. Does anyone else feel the same?

I also hate the stereotype because it not-so-lowkey demonizes autistic men. There's plenty of autistic men that fit the "female version of autism", but they get invalidated because all autistic men are apparently supposed to suck at masking, have horrible empathy, only be interested in trains and computers, and not animals or reading, etc.

As an AFAB trans person I have traits of both "types" of autism, and have the same symptoms as my brother, and still wasn't diagnosed when I was assessed as a child and adolescent just because I'm AFAB. I honestly think the whole concept of a "female version" of autism is just an excuse so professionals and researchers can feel better about ignoring autistic AFAB people for so long.

I feel exactly the same.

I hate the idea that there are two kinds of autism, and the idea that I was socialised to mask?

Um, sorry ... I was autistic. I couldn't be socialised to do anything that didn't come naturally.

I didn't fall for gender role propaganda.

I'm just me.

I don't fit in with that either.
The only part that fits a bit is the conventional special interests.

Looking back, it's not like I got enough exposure or verbal comprehension to have special interests that are obscured to begin with.


But the masking and mimicking -- whether it's willful or not -- I can never relate to that.

Not that I even ever have to nor would I. I just don't naturally look clumsy or impulsive enough.
I even idolize no one, let alone worship and emulate.


And the socializing part??
I'm too lucky actually -- of I weren't so asocial. Yet also too apathetic deep down.
If I wasn't, I would've been happier, very grateful or something.
Except that's just not me, nor what I would prioritize in life.

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I don't understand why people think autistic girls magically copy other girls to act "female".

If we're so good at copying people, wouldn't we copy how to be neuro-typical rather than ... female?

It's all really sexist rhetoric, in my opinion.

I think some of the literature about females with Aspergers or autism is targeted to parents of girls, who are struggling to understand their wonderful, unique, but challenging woman-child. I kept looking for my daughter's owners manual for years. It's early times for acknowledging women on the spectrum--researchers focused so much on males for so long, the info you read/hear about females on the spectrum is based on small study groups. Parents, and anyone, struggling to understand their kid or themselves will latch onto one or two characteristics that may fit some of the time, in sources of info. You've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. Females are too complicated to make broad generalizations about. Try not to worry about how others define you--just stay strong, raise hell, and VOTE.

Heart attacks tend to present differently in women. If you experienced a heart attack in a stereotypically male way would you be angry that medical staff are given advice to look out for certain symptoms in women that they might otherwise overlook.

It's the same with autism. A lot of girls slipped through the net in the past because certain traits weren't noticed. The advice to look for certain traits in girls isn't meant to make some feel excluded it's meant to broaden the definition of autism to help people make diagnosis, for teachers to catch it in their classroom.

You're taking it too personally. It doesn't mean all autistic girls will be obsessed with pop stars and shoes. I wasn't.

If they broaden the definition I hope it's with an aim of diagnosing more people overall, including boys and men.
Lots of boys and men fly under the radar just like girls and women.

It seems the definition itself doesn't really need to change, but public perception and stereotype does.

Reason's why I, a woman, got diagnosed with Asperger's in 2001:

Obsessions i.e. intense interests such as cartoons and troll dolls

Role playing with dolls and stuffed animals, even as an adult

Lack of eye contact

One-sided conversations about special interests

Preferring practical, comfortable clothing

Prone to meltdowns

Poor relations with other people

Saying rude or inappropriate things and not realizing it (a lot of these traits make it sound like we're just plain horrible to be around)

Poor gross motor skills

Dislikes last-minute changes, being interrupted, doing anything spontaneous

Likes routine

Pays attention to small details and patterns


But in spite of all this, people still think we shouldn't have any problems living in an NT world at all because we're "high functioning", and how I hate that.

I hate the Female Autism Phenotype because it takes away the bit of hope I have of being misdiagnosed in childhood. So whenever I say that I have good empathy skills, better social skills than Aspie men, don't have specific interests and my symptoms aren't obvious whether I mask or not, people just say "oh that's because you're female".

I'm a rare case because I was diagnosed in childhood. But I don't think I would have been diagnosed so early if my anxiety hadn't brought out my symptoms - symptoms that I never even displayed until I started school. I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, even though I had obvious symptoms in childhood but I think in the '90s ADHD was only diagnosed to naughty little boys, not little girls who are quiet and shy in the classroom. If I was born a few years ago I probably would have got diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety disorder and not ASD.

Reason's why I don't even know how I got diagnosed with Asperger's in childhood:-

I agree with you for the most part. ^

I couldn't mask though. People knew I was weird af but they didn't know what to call it. When I finally realised for myself it was probably autism, I had no problem getting a diagnosis (Level 2) from a doctor. I met all of the DSM-5 criteria and it was clear cut.

Lots of autistic girls and women can't mask (including many women on WP), and lots of boys and men do ... so gender isn't really the problem. I agree that doctors and teachers should be better trained to look for the signs overall, and to also be aware of masking / camouflage / mutism. In my case I didn't speak enough to tell people what was going on or how badly I wanted answers.

There are many autistic women who present as fully autistic in the "male" sense.

I truly believe autism is autism, no matter what gender one is.