Are you "too friendly"?

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I've had relatives describe me as "very friendly" and sometimes they say they are concerned about it. I like almost everyone I meet and am eager to help people, even people I just met, which gets me into trouble sometimes. I was also very eager to interact with strangers as a kid as long as they were nice to me, and somewhat still am.

I know autistic people aren't supposed to be "friendly", but I'm wondering if others are also considered to be "too friendly" by others?

I can relate to this. Honestly, I just see myself as being polite. I think most NTs interpret that as meaning more, but that's because they don't like themselves. One thing I've learned is how desperate they are for validation. For social people, they're really not nice to each other.

Like you, I'd gladly help someone and assume their need is genuine. That's just about doing the right thing. But, since NTs are very conscious of social status, these situations mean something very different to them. I think sometimes it's better to be disliked than liked, then. What people like about me is often very questionable.

Defenitely!
I mentioned in another thread that I offered to help a colleague learning to drive.
Another example, when a colleague on a previous job showed interest in The Doors I immediately lended him all my records with them.
I got to talking comics with an acquaintance once and lended him 100 or so comic books.
I could go on...
These people were/are not close to me, we barely know each other.

/Mats

Yes. But I don't let anyone get away with taking advantage (once I'm aware of it), and make my boundaries known.

I'm the type that sometimes gives TMI (too much information)

Sometimes, people believe folks who give out TMI are "ret*d." Sometimes, people have thought that I was "ret*d" because I am so friendly and seemingly naive.

"ret*d" was a common insult directed at me in elementary and junior high school. One kid paid somewhat mightily for calling me "ret*d."

One thing, though.....when I was 9 years old, I used to like to watch kids from the "ret*d school" play in their schoolyard. I used to watch them from high above that schoolyard. Some one came over to me and told me to "beat it." I guess they didn't believe I was "ret*d," even though I told the guy that I "used to be ret*d."

I was also once thrown out of my old "special school" bodily when I came over to that school to visit it after I was thrown out because my family couldn't afford the tuition.

Aren't people with downs syndrome and William's syndrome often "too friendly" too?

I don't think I'm "too friendly", as I do have social boundaries. But I have been accused of being nosy though, because of wanting to be emotionally involved in the gossip in the workplace. But I think those people were just judgemental.

I'm shy around strangers and I tend to avoid eye contact. I'm not the sort to start chatting to anybody. At the hairdresser's I just sit in silence unless they talk to me. Otherwise I don't know what to say. I hear other people monologuing on about themselves and their lives and I can tell the hairdresser just pretends to be interested, but I feel that if I went on and on about myself I'd feel like a self-obsessed narcissist. But I don't like to ask the hairdresser questions about their lives because, to be honest, I'm not interested. I only do small talk.

Yep…I was pretty sad for a while after it happened.

I was that way when I was younger. I was FREQUENTLY taken advantage of and became wiser (and more bitter) as I got older. I'm definitely not that way now.
I became street smart in my 20s.

We all have our backgrounds as to why. Sometimes it's taking the lesson "be nice to people" too literally. Sometimes it's religion, or the area where you were raised. And sometimes it's due to parental neglect.
It's not just autism specific, but I'm guessing your relatives are concerned about you being taken advantage of and/or not being cautious enough.

There are plenty of sociopaths out there that can sniff out a vulnerable person the same way a wolf can sniff out prey.

See also appeasement or people pleasing as a response to trauma. Look up the responses to trauma: Fight , flight, freeze and fawn> Fawning is appeasement behavior we learn to protect ourselves when we are unable to defend ourselves while trapped in situations we can not control (childhood abuse, for example) fawning behavior is learned behavior helpless victims use to try to fend off punishment, anger, harsh words or other unpleasant treatment by others. Many of us were trained to be unquestioningly compliant as very small children and we may have adapted by trying very very hard to please anybody and everybody indiscriminately by habit in attempt to keep ourselves safe. Sometimes this happens even before we speak or go to school. I have been told I "try too hard" to get people to like me. "too friendly" "too helpful" "too giving" etc etc etc. I had been conditioned at a very young age to respond to commands and demands from others, without questioning if I wanted to, had feelings about it, was afraid or wanted to do something else. I must be obedient and please anybody and everybody, serve and give without question. It has been a heck of a habit to unlearn and still is part of my basic personality, although I have had therapy and training to have more healthily self assertive behavior, I still have a very very hard time saying no and will appease as a first response whenever anybody shows even the slightest hint of annoyance or anger. Even a complete stranger. I have lived my life in fear. People pleasing is a response to try to be safe in a world where I am not equipped to deal with most human interactions, and where I feel very unsafe due to abuse in my very youthful past.