Someone to talk to

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I am brand new to this site.
I am not diagnosed, but I’m hoping to speak with women who are.
I’m honestly lost.
I’ve been in a constant spiral of trying to figure myself out by reading as many female testimonials and experiences of Autism/Asperger’s as I can.
I feel a little bit out of line posting on here, due to the fact that I have not received a diagnosis or even started any kind of evaluation…but I’ve related to so many of stories and experiences that I have come across, and I can’t stop thinking I may be on the spectrum as well. I’ve struggled with anxiety and other issues since I was little, but it was never really talked about and all of those things have recently started flooding my mind. I struggled as a teen as well, but it was chalked up to me being an emotional teenager. As a last resort, I was labeled bipolar after having visited/talked to a psychiatrist 1 time. They wanted me to return to get me on a medication routine, but I refused to go back. I didn’t feel heard, I felt as if they already had a label for me before I even opened my mouth.
Now as an adult, I am still struggling.
Only now, my issues seem to be affecting the entirety of my life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. I am only declining and it is honestly starting to break me. This topic appears to be unwelcome/uncomfortable to the few I’ve always turned to, and I’m told that my problems are due to the fact that I’m just lazy and unmotivated and too afraid to get out of my comfort zone, and that I’m just looking for excuses as to why I am where I am…but this just isn’t true. When I try to explain it out loud, I feel like I just sound repetitive and like I’m not making any sense to anyone…even though it makes sense to me. Because of this, I’ve grown to suppress my innermost feelings and I’ve lived on a superficial level for a long time, but I need someone to genuinely hear me now…and I’m scared to sit down infront of a stranger and have them look at me the same way everyone else does. Can anyone give me any advice or direction?

Well, I'm not diagnosed, but I was a psychology major in college and I'm 100% positive I have ASD, and I have a son who's officially diagnosed, in addition to several family members.
In the U.S., if you're not seeking accommodations at work/school, there's really not a need to be diagnosed as an adult because you can't claim social benefits unless you prove the condition started as a child and prevents you from participating in the community and keeping employment.
If anything, the ASD label can prevent you from doing a lot of things, like getting visas, life insurance, or even jobs.

If you're looking for validation, you don't have to be officially diagnosed to be a part of most ASD or neurodiverse support groups. Just search on FB or Meetup.
What exactly are you looking for?

The best person to know you is yourself, so I can't really give advice. I had a lot of the same issues you described, but I'm very happy these days.

What I can tell you are things that have worked for me:
1) Understanding my issues communicating with people aren't because I'm a bad person or mean or rude. I just see things more logically than others do. That's ASD baby!
2) Being okay with being alone. Not looking for validation from others, including my family. I can go to the movies or out to eat by myself and not be bothered. I pay my own bills. I can be selfish. I understand not everyone has this luxury so I'm grateful for it.
3) Leaving toxic cubicle farm jobs. Working in an office or with the public was really bad for my mental health. Remote work has been life changing.
4) Finding just one or two other people who understand me, and introversion, and accept it when I fall off the planet. They don't judge me for it. They understand that's just a part of who I am and has nothing to do with who they are or if I like them or not.
5) (this correlates with the whole acceptance thing) Having an IDGAF attitude about doing what I like: which is mostly playing video games. I do it because it's fun. It gives my brain a workout. I can socialize with people doing something we all enjoy together. It's finding common things of interest with other people, even if the friendships are shallow. As you experience life, you understand friendships/relationships are fleeting. It stops being a big deal.
6) Getting old. Getting old is pretty great because something just clicked in my 30s where I stopped caring about what other people thought of me, mostly because I could take care of myself. I now invite people into my life because I want them there, not because I NEED them there.

I hope you find solace in not being "the only one" out there. Again, check out ASD or neurodiversity support groups.

...And it's our gaming night so I'm off to get pizza.

I hope you find support. I am fortunate to have good health insurance and resources in my town. I hope you can find AS-friendly ones in yours.

I also was initially diagnosed bipolar (over a decade ago) and it took me a while to find the truth (ASD/ADHD/GAD/CAPD, the works) It's hard, but a relief. I am now learning how to present myself confidently rather than hiding or in shame. Even my loving dad said I was "lazy" as I was being diagnosed; now I know about executive function and anxiety, etc. and am practicing new tools.

Wishing you relief, support and an opportunity to thrive.