Matchmaker Matchmaker

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Post an ad to attract your perfect partner here. Be as creative as you like.

Female ambidextrous Lion tamer, 6 foot 6 and 300 pounds. Good sense of humour and likes to smoke cigars. would love to meet male or female with their own tent, who doesn't mind eating cold beans.

300 pounds of muscle or fat?

-Keen drug dealer wants to meet female, preferably not a member of law enforcement.
Unless she is corrupt and turns a blind eye to indoor hydroponics research.

Fat^

Chicken plucker seeks pheasant plucker for a good old plucking.

I’m a female professional wrestler with diagnosed antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). I’m looking for a sweet, sensitive guy that I can benchpress.

Must love my invisible friends, have no physical form, and listen to Christmas music when I say so.

I’m just a normal gal who loves long walks on the beach, dogs, and spending time with friends and family. My ideal man must agree to undergo strict obedience training and be ready and willing to obey commands like sit, stay, and play dead, especially when company is over.

Looking for dishevelled man who keeps antique books somewhere in a box, is an academic disappointment, and butchers the French language.

Please send references from your pets.

Vowels not required.

You guys are funny!

I’m looking for a soulmate who can help me spread the wonderful message of love and peace that can only be found through listening to the glorious words of our Dear Leader. Must be willing to convert, embrace a nudist lifestyle, and participate in weekly worship gatherings in our Leader’s garage.

I’m looking for a critical thinker - a man who’s not afraid to go against the tide by speaking the Truth, a man whose head is firmly and squarely upon his shoulders and who stays true to his convictions.

If you’re interested in meeting a likeminded lady, email me at [email protected].

Speaks to owls.

Little, green candy eating Sweet Pea looking for a Sweetlet to live in my pod with me, so I can share my candy with her.

Gives lots of pretty baubles.

Bumble bee seeks honey bee for a buzz